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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 13/02/2018 12:35

This thread is amazing. OP, you do indeed make the rocking world go round.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 12:36

DH just called MiL, she hadn't seen facebook so all is well, could have been a tricky one to explain though...

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 13/02/2018 12:38

I think the fwake sounds like a great idea, but I'd suggest ignoring the silly bitch who started the whole thing. Either she's an attention seeker with some MH issues (which are not your problem and there is no need to get mixed up with her) or she made a genuine mistake.

But this is defiitely MN gold.

Lweji · 13/02/2018 12:39

Maybe he should change his status to FWidowed instead. Is that possible?

TheSassyAssassin · 13/02/2018 12:39

Awwww...I'll just cancel my Friday taxi booking then....

BetseyTrotwood · 13/02/2018 12:40

🤣. That is all.

Some of my ex-laws would probably enjoy this kind of fake news tbf.

The bastards.

Frequency · 13/02/2018 12:40

Is it possible it was a case of mistaken identity rather than an outright lie? I can't imagine how she thought she'd get away with it.

My ex died on Facebook. My eldest told me everyone was posting RIP on his page and putting status' up about how shocking his sudden demise was. She was distraught. To make matters worse, it took the fool an hour to reply to any of my messages asking if he was okay. His sister was abroad and I didn't dare panic his mum by asking if her son was still alive.

Turns out it was a case of mistaken identity. Someone else who drinks in the same pub had died. As it was being talked about, the man breaking the news could not remember the deceased's name Hmm. A brief description of him led the other pub goers to name my ex. The breaker of the news agreed that it was indeed my ex who had tragically died the night before and off to Facebook the twats went with no thought for his children who are on FB and were unaware of their father's 'untimely passing'. Needless to say I did not find it funny. Ex did.

Autumnsparkles · 13/02/2018 12:41

Can you organise a fake spiritual night at the pub and ensure she shows up. Have DD sit near her and then mid medium talk just have you walk across behind the medium and have your DH and friends insist they see nothing at all!

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 12:43

I'm not sure what to make of M0 to be honest, on a (semi) serious note I'm not sure whether to contact her or not. She'll surely know by now that I"m not dead but she can't see my facebook wall so won't know about all the goings on from there.

She will however see DH's status change to widowed which might shit her up a bit.

DH reckons he should message her expressing how lonely he is since I passed away and how lucky I was to have such a close friend in her, seeing as everyone keeps telling him they heard about my death from her....

I think we should just leave her alone, she's got to be mentally buggered up which seems like punishment enough somehow? Meh, not sure.

OP posts:
PostcodeJack · 13/02/2018 12:47

Autumnsparkles love it!

CastielIsMyAngel · 13/02/2018 12:47

I can see how things can get misconstrued when you tell something to somebody a bit light of head and it gets all twisted. A few years ago somebody posted on Facebook "Find out today if I get my HGV" somebody commented "OMG how have you caught that?? Are you OK? "

Frusso · 13/02/2018 12:47

DM has liked it!

Asshats the pair of them.

GrinGrinGrinGrin

Orlandointhewilderness · 13/02/2018 12:47

This thread has cheered up my wet cold day very much!!
Glad to hear you are enjoying your death OP!

CaveMum · 13/02/2018 12:47

Best. Thread. Ever Grin

SparklyMagpie · 13/02/2018 12:47

You should get your DH to hire Derek Acorah

"What's that Sam? ....BigFatFanny LOVES DICK!!"

purplelass · 13/02/2018 12:50

DH has changed his relationship status to widowed...

Classic Grin

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/02/2018 12:50

OP you definitely need to send M0 a FB friend request. You don't have to engage, and can unfriend her later, but just so she knows that you know it was her.....

The book with the same plot people keep mentioning sounds intriguing. What was the title?

YourVagesty · 13/02/2018 12:53

I haven't seen a Classics-worthy thread for an AGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE

Damnpeskykids · 13/02/2018 12:53

This thread has cheered me up no end! Grin
Rest in piece hun xx

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 13/02/2018 12:54

*MMmmm. Methinks your "D"H is enjoying all this a little too much.

How attractive is M0? Mad is as mad does, but some men can go a bit mental over a cracking pair of tits.*

FFS

Lweji · 13/02/2018 12:55

Reading back...

Apocalyptic I know right? And who dies on a Tuesday morning?? At least pick a day of the week with a bit of pizazz...

It's pancake day! What better day is there to die?

Your OH can make you RIP and cross pancakes.

And tomorrow it's Valentine's day too. Will he come up with a wreath?

The possibilities are endless.

JamPasty · 13/02/2018 12:55

Please please please hold the FWAKE!!

soupforbrains · 13/02/2018 12:58

Your Poor Poor DH.

Widowed right before not only pancake day but also Valentines.

I hope he posts a romantic table setting with an empty seat opposite him on FB tomorrow. "If only BFF were here. insert food here was her favourite"

I am however impressed by DH's dedication to the cause.

MsHomeSlice · 13/02/2018 12:59

Now really BigFatFanny the sooner you admit you are dead the sooner everyone can move on, this is like that Friends episode where Phoebe is possessed by the Dead Woman.

What IS it that you need to see so you can move on over to the other side??[Hmm]

Is MrBFF actually leaving the tea for you, r is her weeping and wialing because there actually isn't anyone to give the tea to, and you are milling about like Bruce Willis in The SIxth Sense

i see DeadMNtters

WooWooSister · 13/02/2018 13:00

Cut your hair, get a new job and sell your story to Take A Break - Accidental Death Gave Me New Lease of Life