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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 13/02/2018 10:39

Happy Death Day 😇 I was going to post a drink, but there’s no point as you can no longer partake.

So Flowers will have to do. Is it a bit like the film Ghost where you can’t touch anything, and you’re using speech recognition on your phone? Or did you immediately get the hang of being able to move solid objects in this world?

I’ve always been afraid of death, but it doesn’t sound that bad really.

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 10:39

Comea from what I gather from DH, at school she shaved a patch of hair at the back of her head and pretended she had cancer, faked a pregnancy and told everyone her Dad stabbed her whilst proudly displaying a small bandage with red felt tip pen on it, which obvz caused her to lose the imaginary baby.

From the sounds of it she was a compulsive liar in her early teens and clearly hasn't grown out of it.

I'm not sure how to tackle it now to be honest, I can't decide whether to engage in said fuckery or accept she's a damaged individual and leave her to it.

It's worth noting though she's a core member of a group of girls who have been friends since school who mostly had kids young/ didnt go to uni so all stayed local and stayed friends. According to her facebook profile (I've seen it through DH's) she's out with them all most weekends, works in a professional job and is pretty well thought of, so I don't get it? Why lie?

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 13/02/2018 10:39

Fuckery, obviously!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/02/2018 10:39

Rest in peace, now you have risen from dead you can sell your story.

goose1964 · 13/02/2018 10:40

you haven't followed any humanist or other funeral sites have you. A few years one turned everyone who followed them into an in memoriam page. Marketing allegedly

soupforbrains · 13/02/2018 10:40

DEFINITELY entertaining skulfuckery.

ponders best/funniest approach to take

I think a long game....

kaytee87 · 13/02/2018 10:41

RIP op Thanks

I couldn't rest (har har) until I'd found why she'd made this up.

soupforbrains · 13/02/2018 10:42

from what I gather from DH, at school she shaved a patch of hair at the back of her head and pretended she had cancer, faked a pregnancy and told everyone her Dad stabbed her whilst proudly displaying a small bandage with red felt tip pen on it, which obvz caused her to lose the imaginary baby.

wait.... that all sounds hauntingly familiar. If it wasn't for the fact that I went to an all girls school I'd be suspecting that DH and I went to school together.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 13/02/2018 10:42

Obviously I didn’t read the full thread Blush

So now we’ll never know.

PostcodeJack · 13/02/2018 10:43

I agree with WhatDoIDo
I would be asking why the mourning has only started this week. Where has the wailing/gnashing of teeth/casting of shoes been?
And yes, fuckery, obviously.

MadRainbow · 13/02/2018 10:43

Shamelessly placemarking, I need to to know how you died at least! That has been brilliant wake up material after a rare child free night. Both my DH and I have been roaring with laughter

purplelass · 13/02/2018 10:44

Could you just 'haunt' M0 via Messenger?
As she's not a friend of yours she'll get a notification that BigFatFanny wants to connect with her Grin Grin Grin

HateSummer · 13/02/2018 10:45

Wow what a horrible thing to do! My Aunt’s family were horrible bitter little shits and her brother twice spread rumours about another brother of theirs dying. He’d phone and tell everyone... then the “dead” brother would turn up.

You should message back and tell her to not worry you’re not dead but when you do die, she’ll be the first person you haunt 😂

HolgerDanske · 13/02/2018 10:45

So good.

I mean, sorry you’re dead!

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 10:45

Good point about why M1 didn't post on my timeline until Monday night...

I've looked through M0's FB page and from the duck pouts and bathroom selfies, I gather this nightout was on Saturday so a full 48 hours post- discovery before you post? rude.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 13/02/2018 10:45

From the sounds of it she was a compulsive liar in her early teens and clearly hasn't grown out of it. I'm not sure how to tackle it now to be honest, I can't decide whether to engage in said fuckery or accept she's a damaged individual and leave her to it.

Oh God. No, in that case leave it. Either she needs help, or she wants attention. Clever messages to her might make you laugh but won't help in either case.

TheSassyAssassin · 13/02/2018 10:46

OP had car accident at top of her road on Fri night apparently!

M0 sounds seriously unhinged Confused

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 13/02/2018 10:47

You called?

BewareOfDragons · 13/02/2018 10:48

If MO goes out all the time with the same group of friends, I would feel the need to show up with my friends ... tell them you're celebrating the thwarted untimely demise that MO had planned for you.

GreenTulips · 13/02/2018 10:48

Have you rang your parents? Just in case they've 'heard?'

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/02/2018 10:48

Since hippos are pretty deadly... you could get trampled by one

trulybadlydeeply · 13/02/2018 10:48

Well I didn't imagine that I would wake up today and have a good laugh at someone's death! Condolences OP.

I really don't think M0 should get away with this, as it sounds deliberate. Yes it's funny, but in other circumstances it could be incredibly hurtful.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/02/2018 10:49

OP was not involved in acciden5 though... and no one died

rumbelina · 13/02/2018 10:49

Can you walk through walls, OP?

(Also I don't think I would wind her up as she does sound troubled but I would definitely ask politely, probably publicly)

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 10:49

The 2 cars involved in the crash were a boy-racer type souped up older Golf and a Honda Jazz.

I drive a Clio so I'm not sure if I'm offended or not... if they think I was the one in the golf I"m almost flattered...

OP posts:
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