Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

This happened to my DF. There was a death notice in the local paper for someone with the same name as him. An acquaintance of theirs stopped my DM in the supermarket and offered her sincerest condolences. The woman nearly crapped herself when my DF appeared at her side clutching the teabags! DF was most put out as the chap who was sadly deceased was a good 10 years older than he was!

Have a happy death day op! Bet Hallmark haven't got a card for that one.

Or is ? Mrs dh 2.0 ?

This thread is brilliant!!

MYSTERY SOLVED!

M1 replied!!!

OMG hun I'm so so sorry! UNKNOWN NAME (now confirmed as M0) came on night out last week and told me you'd been killed in the car accident on XXXXX street on Friday night! Never thort she'd lie about tht! Glad you're ok and so sorry for the mixup xxxxxxxx

XXXXX street is the street at the top of our road and there was a bad accident there last Friday, no one hurt thankfully.

I have to say, I'm sorely disappointed at the manner of my death. I was hoping for an intrepid trekking accident involving a volcano and a couple of pumas at the very least.

Now then, my profile is completely locked down and M0 is not on my friends list but she is on DH's. I feel DH needs to message her but I'm in 2 minds whether to thank her for her concern but politely inform her I'm alive, or to engage in some entertaining fuckery....

Need I ask your preference vipers?

or to engage in some entertaining fuckery....

Like you have to ask. It's a wet Tuesday in February.

No don't do it privately, do it on her page, well, get your dh to.

What do you have in mind?

Just as I was going to ask what you will wear to your funeral.

Why would someone intentionally lie about that? It's so bizarre.

Fuckery, with tea included

What are the cars involved. Did you die in a crappy ford fiesta or a more upmarket bmw?

Your (or your DH's) response depends on whether indeed you are a true viper. Are you?

It’s amazing how these things can snowball. One of my friends put up a photo where she tagged several people and then wrote something like ‘and Joe (no longer here)’. She meant that Joe wasn’t on Facebook anymore, but it triggered a flurry of confused WhatsApp messages wondering when Joe had died!

It’s never close friends or people who actually give a crap about you though, is it? Just nosy randoms who want a bit of gossip and drama!

Well you've missed a trick here flying high got your Angel wings babe hun OP. Should have got DH to ask M1 to start a collection for your funeral fees. Lie low for a few looks then proclaim yourself back from the dead and sell your story to Love It! Magazine for £1k.

I think you ought to phone up your local cinema and demand free tickets to see Coco on the grounds that you need to be with your people.

On reflection, I suppose you could just walk through the walls and sit where you want.......

I think DH should play along with a message to say "thanks for telling xx about my wife's sad demise, you have saved me the trouble, I couldn't face it..."

What kind of fruit cake is this person, seriously?

This is the funniest thing I've ever read. What kind of crank fakes an acquaintance's death?!

Fantastic! Does M0 often go around announcing fake deaths?

Oh fuckery. Of the highest order! Can DH invite M0 to your wake on Friday???

Don't forget to call BT, if they're your provider, from beyond the grave to inform them of your demise. After MIL died they asked to speak to her when FIL called to inform them...after 20 mimutes of "but she's dead, she can't speak to you" I grabbed the phone off him & said "This is Mrs X, I'm no longer living" & they then asked me/her for a copy of the death cert to be sent . 7 years later & I'm still utterly confused by the conversation.

If the M1 heard 'on a night out last week's then how come she didn't post it then?

I love the memorial with you in the corner idea.

Where does M0 live? Could you stand outside her house wearing white tonight clutching some wilted flowers?

engage in some entertaining fuckery....

Oh please do!
I'm in bed with the flu (hopefully not terminal so I won't be joining you on the other side) and his thread is the most fun I've had for days...

I think M0 was confused and thought you were dead. I'm sure she didn't do it deliberately.

OR DID SHE???????????????????????????????????

You now HAVE to haunt M0, right?