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Original poster

There is a lipstick going around in the washing machine that isn't mine.

698 replies

AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 23/12/2017 15:34

100% certain dh is not having an affair so who does the lipstick belong to and how on earth will I get it out of the washing as the lid has come off (presumably in the machine) and I'm guessing it will be all over it now. Luckily it was a dark wash. I've stopped the washing machine and put it on drain.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
bsbabas · 27/12/2017 08:46

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

bsbabas · 27/12/2017 08:53

Cut off two skin tags razor blade and vodka to clean the cut scars healed better than most of my leg shaving nicks

HoosierDaddy · 27/12/2017 09:16

Read more if this during the night and had a spornagraphic dream about tons of gunk being squished out of the wee lump on my leg... woke up all flustered and disappointed 😂

lonelyatchristmas · 27/12/2017 09:17

I went to the dr years ago complaining of a rash and swelling around my face.... he told me that it was an infection from a bug bite that I caught on my recent holidays.... me being me decided that seeing as the main "bite" was at the corner of my eyebrow that maybe if I plucked it I might get the infection out... hence severe pain and a trip back to a different dr a few days later to be told that it wasn't an infection from a bite but in actual fact I had the shingles in my face and had I left it any longer I'd have lost my eye....

cakeymccakington · 27/12/2017 09:35

@weemouse " I hoiked it out with tweezers and it was that good it fair gave me the fanny gallops blush"

Best line on this thread 😂😂😂

CloudPerson · 27/12/2017 09:38

I have a crazy spaniel who likes to eat socks. A couple of years ago ds3 had a set of toy story socks, they looked like character's clothes.
One of the woody socks disappeared, and turned up a few days later in a poo, except it looked like a poo head with woody clothes neatly twisted up below.
The same dog stole and ate a very rich chocolate cake and needed to go to the vets so they could make him sick. As well as lots of cake out came an intact red crayon and Peppa pig's jacket.

Polkadot1974 · 27/12/2017 09:41

Too good. I popped a piece of steroid strip from a scar about 4 weeks after an op but that’s so lame compared to these!

manicmij · 27/12/2017 09:54

They don't look like human teeth, young animal that shreds teeth maybe on a regular basis. Could have been there since manufacture of machine.

M5tothesouthwest · 27/12/2017 10:00

A few years ago our kitten ate some googly eyes that DC hadn't put away properly after crafting. The result was a truly terrifying 'present' in the litter tray that was exactly like a poo emoji 💩

SimonBridges · 27/12/2017 10:06

I have a single, long, thick hair that occasionally sprouts out of my chin

Oh my love, wait until you reach a ‘certain age’, your chin will be covered in them. I delight at pulling them out. If you stagger it then you can have one a week to pull.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 27/12/2017 10:12

Yay!!
Op is back!

Best. Thread. Ever.

To those who really didnt want to know...
The wasp was stuck in the top of inner labia (I have quite large flaps fyi!) and it's sting was stuck right in there.

Exploding tooth hand has made me weirdly happy!

N0tNowBernard · 27/12/2017 10:17

I'm genuinely scared to go swimming later for fear of mushrooms in my ear! Shock

musketeers123 · 27/12/2017 10:20

Best thread ever !!!!!
Best I have is a folded contact lens 'lost in my eye for a week or so.
Eye felt itchy 🤔
Went to put in fresh lens and the first popped out ! Itchy bit on my eye turned out to be an ulcer on my cornea (bit of sand got in there too when on the beach).
Ended up having to have my cornea scraped 😭😭😭

bobstersmum · 27/12/2017 10:22

Frigging Nora! Nothing like this has ever happened to me, I could try to make something up to sound vaguely interesting but I couldn't think of anything weird enough!

BubblestarUK · 27/12/2017 10:33

In our last house I was taking the washing out of the machine to put it in the dryer and found a tiny hand. Proper articulated tiny hand with moving fingers and joints and tiny nails. It was the same size as my thumbnail. And it was real!!!!! Spent a good hour wondering if I’d discovered a fairy and killed it in a hot wash all at the same time!

musketeersmama · 27/12/2017 10:40

So far the exploding tooth hand is my spornographic favourite. Astounding.
When I was about 8 the doctor (v painfully) pulled half an A4 sheet of graph paper from inside my ear. No idea how it got there! Always thought that I was unique but clearly am quite mundane compared to all of you lot😂
Also my puppy had a wheezy cough on and off for a couple of days til she hacked up a black slimy cylinder. When unfurled it turned out to be a whole perfect sock.

Clankboing · 27/12/2017 10:44

BubblestarUK: you are joking!? Made of flesh or from a decent action man type toy?

Nervousrex · 27/12/2017 10:52

@XmasInTintagel Ohhh, THAT'S where I was going wrong! I THOUGHT a couple of the pages of my grooming manual were stuck together...
Honestly, though, clipped off dog hairs really do get everywhere - I believe hairdressers have similar problems. I very quickly learned not to use lip balm or lip gloss at work, too!

KiteMarked · 27/12/2017 11:00

A tiny hand??! Every time I think this thread can't get any weirder....

Original poster
AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 27/12/2017 11:08

Oh! Just thought of something else. Didn't happen to me but it happened to my Mum and lucky me was there to witness it.

She'd been complaining about a sore and itchy eye for days. After a few days my Dad spotted what he thought was an eyelash in it. It wasn't an eyelash. As she pulled it, it kept coming. It was covered in thick eye muscus stuff. It was a peice of cotton that seemed to have got stuck around the back of her eye. It was almost 20cm long!!! It was very freaky and my Dad dragged her to the opticians immediately where they also found half a crumpled up contact lens. She's no idea where the other half went!

OP posts:
Babababababybel23 · 27/12/2017 11:09

I found a piece of a toothpick stuck in the back of my gums. It must have been there a while. The skin had grown over it and I had to pull it out

bobstersmum · 27/12/2017 11:21

A bloody tiny hand?? Whaaaaaat?

ShirleyPhallus · 27/12/2017 11:28

In our last house I was taking the washing out of the machine to put it in the dryer and found a tiny hand. Proper articulated tiny hand with moving fingers and joints and tiny nails. It was the same size as my thumbnail. And it was real!!!!! Spent a good hour wondering if I’d discovered a fairy and killed it in a hot wash all at the same time!

What the actual fuck. Need more details please!!!!

Allergictoironing · 27/12/2017 11:43

Have a good look at rodent feet, they can be surprisingly similar to human hands! Mouse front feet especially, so one belonging to a baby mouse could quite easily be mistaken for a fairy's hand.

There's a program on one of the documentary channels sometimes (may be Animal planet) called "Monsters Inside Me". Made up of true life stories of Americans who have been infected with various hideous organisms e.g. worms in the eyes, insects growing under the skin, highly infectious bacteria that grow in the lungs or brain, diseases that eat away parts of the body etc. Seriously gross in a sort of peak through the fingers but can't look away type of thing.

QuilliamCakespeare · 27/12/2017 13:11

This thread is the Christmas gift that keeps on giving.

My friend fell (drunk) into a rose bush on holiday once and I spent the second half of the hol picking thorns out of her back with tweezers as they made their way to the surface. That's pretty small potatoes compared to the truly awful grot in this thread though. I can't get enough!