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There is a lipstick going around in the washing machine that isn't mine.

698 replies

AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 23/12/2017 15:34

100% certain dh is not having an affair so who does the lipstick belong to and how on earth will I get it out of the washing as the lid has come off (presumably in the machine) and I'm guessing it will be all over it now. Luckily it was a dark wash. I've stopped the washing machine and put it on drain.

OP posts:
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7
savingyourlife · 26/12/2017 19:33

The single funniest thing about this thread is the fact the OP hasn't been back Xmas Grin

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 26/12/2017 19:34

Starmix

It was properly agonizing!

It was like a hundred tiny hot blades stabbing me.

If there was ever a way to get an instant Pavlovian fear of wasps into someone that was it.

I am really good with all other kinds of bugs, never afraid or kill them...but wasps now turn me into a flapping, shrieking panic stricken mess.

Should add they seem to fucking hate me personally....

I knelt on one aged about 5 in a pub garden and it got stuck in my knee.

I put my head on one aged 10 that got stuck in my hair.

It's a vendetta I tell ya! Angry

MaggieMeldrum · 26/12/2017 19:45

I have found my people Smile

berwickswan · 26/12/2017 19:47

Well I thought I'd found my people in Sporners Corner. It's got nothing on this, thoGrin

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 19:50

Jesus Lana you've just tripled my fear of wasps. I hate the little bastards. They have multiple stings and think nothing of using them!

beris · 26/12/2017 19:55

When I had my belly button pierced I used a normal earring which disappeared under the skin in my stomach and healed over. Months later it emerged under the skin of my stomach and the skin even opened up to eject the earring without me having to cut it open. Always thought I had special powers....until I saw this thread!

timeforheroes · 26/12/2017 20:00

I used to get ear and throat infections quite a bit, so when I had earache on holiday (aged 21) I just took some painkillers and laid with warm oil in it. It stopped hurting after a few days but felt like I had water in it.
Came home and it felt really odd, used a cotton bud to clean it and all this green gunk came out, not waxy but thick shiny, green gunk. Got loads out and my ear felt a lot better. The next day it seemed full again, so I cleaned it out and more gunk (I’m guessing thick pus) came out. I’m a total sporner so I kept this up for about a week, as I did so the gunk got darker and darker until it was eventually black and smelt awful.

Gave it one last clean and told myself I’d ring the Drs in the morning. Woke up in the early hours in pain and the ear was bleeding. Went to A&E and they said it was a bad infection and gave me antibiotics and stronger painkillers.

Survived about 2 days before I went back to the Dr, it was so painful. He examined me and asked if I’d been using cotton buds, I owned up and he tried to remove it, I passed out with the pain and when I came round he told me it was completely stuck and that I had to go straight to the ENT dept.

When they examined me there they realised it wasn’t a piece of cotton bud, but in fact....a MUSHROOM growing in my ear.

Turned out to be something called ‘swimmers ear’ and a fungal infection. Had to have them suctioned and packed with antibiotic cream a couple of times.

My DH loves telling anyone that will listen that I once neglected my aural health care long enough to grow mushrooms in there.

ConjugalHoliday · 26/12/2017 20:01

@IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed Does your name start with F and your DH's start with M? Your melon story may have been identifying Grin

JustAnIdiot · 26/12/2017 20:08

DH trod on a sea urchin years before I met him & some spines were embedded in his heel.
Years after I met him he managed to winkle them out in the bath.

I had a splinter in my hand for weeks & weeks before it finally came out - it was huge! A good 3cm long Shock

Gierg · 26/12/2017 20:11

Surely this has to go in classics... I have nothing to add (never had any weird things emerging from my body...) but I have loved reading all the weirdnesses!

Fwend · 26/12/2017 20:12

Best, most unexpected thread ever. Grin

My own contributions: DH once asked me to have a look at a lump on the very top of his noggin. After a good bit of poking, I managed to tweeze out a good 2cm of knobbly twig, left there from when he bumped his head clearing our garden. How it wasn't touching brain, I'll never know.

I've got a pencil lead stuck in my foot from when I was about 7. I can see it, but it's still too deep to reach! Its time will come.

I chipped my shin bone aged 18, and there's still a bruise there several almost 20 years later. Occasionally a tiny bone fragment cones to the surface and I can pull it out. It's my favourite. Smile

StarWarsFanatic · 26/12/2017 20:16

DH & I have both had (fairly regularly) small shards of plastic emerge from what we thought were black heads or ingrown hairs - reading this I will no longer bother worrying about where they have come from Grin.

My cat has a tendency to lick my head while I sleep, so it is now a common occurrence to see a long strand of hair poking out of her bottom (usually with faeces attached Blush)

KiteMarked · 26/12/2017 20:16

Shells in scalps

Teeth in hands

Worms in brains

Mushrooms in ears

I'M SO CONFUSED

KiteMarked · 26/12/2017 20:17

Sorry forgot:

Wasps in vulvas

DontCallMeCharlotte · 26/12/2017 20:22

When I was in my teens I fell onto broken glass during a particularly vigorous enacting of The Locomotion. I had a three inch wound on my leg and the top never really healed. Lo and behold several years later a piece of glass emerged having worked its way up from the bottom. Not exactly a mystery but I was slightly freaked.

PatriciaBateman · 26/12/2017 20:25

Changing my 2 year old's nappy when I saw something fleshy and wrinkly protruding slightly.
I was initially frightened he had a weird prolapse or growth or something, but decided to gently investigate with some tweezers.

It turned out to be a slightly dehydrated, leathery, fully intact orange segment.

BattleCunt · 26/12/2017 20:26

God this thread just keeps getting better.

BendyBusBuggy · 26/12/2017 20:38

I just cannot get over the mushroom in the ear.

Julie21255 · 26/12/2017 20:39

I had a feather deep I side my ear. Remember the doctor slowly pulling it out

Breeze241 · 26/12/2017 20:41

For a joke I once stuck a Kit Kat in my ear, I thought it would just melt and fall out but the wafer bit got stuck in the depths of my ear. They had to use a old person ear wash thing to get it out, it killed.

Namechange101110 · 26/12/2017 20:42

I have some fragments of coal in my leg that make their way out every now and again. They've been there since the mad exploding Polish coal the government brought in during the Miners' Strike exploded all over my friend's living room.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 26/12/2017 20:52

No Conjugal but I'm disappointed that there's another potential melon fucker out there! Grin

AmaraSas · 26/12/2017 21:01

Not in a washing machine but i once found broken, tartar covered teeth in my bowl of soup once.... put me off canned soup for years...

Catseverywhere3 · 26/12/2017 21:01

Ive have a hard lump on the end of my eyebrow for as long as I can remember, always presumed it was a cyst but what if it’s actually a small tooth or a piece of grass / hair or even a mushroom! The possibilities are endless Grin

NewNameWhoDis · 26/12/2017 21:04

The fact that the OP hasn't come back just makes this thread all the more interesting.

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