There is a lipstick going around in the washing machine that isn't mine.

[AManWalksIntoABarOuch]

100% certain dh is not having an affair so who does the lipstick belong to and how on earth will I get it out of the washing as the lid has come off (presumably in the machine) and I'm guessing it will be all over it now. Luckily it was a dark wash. I've stopped the washing machine and put it on drain.

Puppy teeth?

A few days ago I found an extra sieve in the cupboard. Now unless they have been breeding in the night, which seems unlikely, I have no idea where it’s come from.

Years ago when I was little we’d been in the Middle East, my Mum’s entire neck swelled up, and all the skin started peeling. She was taken to be checked in hospital and it turned out she’d been bitten by a spider which had laid eggs in her neck! luckily they were able to remove them. She’s had really sensitive skin ever since. Not surprising really!

IrkThePurist you just took the words out of my mouth...
FuzzyCustard i have bits of windscreen still stuck in my face from 21 years ago.... last time I pulled a bit out was a couple of years ago I can still feel some in my cheek bone/eye socket but think the scar tissue grown over it now as cannot get out

Maybe it’s mine? I lost a lipstick this week me somewhere.

Ask him.

Ive had the tip of a pencil stuck in my hip for about 25 years, after reading this thread im glad i know it is there and cant wait for it to randomly work its way out.

Teeth?!? That’s a weird one!!

Lipstick ... stop and drain the machine immediately surely? Otherwise I would leave it out for him to explain!

Once I put a rose petal in my sisters bellybutton & we couldn’t get it out. Til about a year later when it just sort of fluttered out all perfect and fresh. Also found a pile of puppy sick when we first got our dog that was made up of a dinosaur arm, half a bouncy ball and barbies leather jacket

I may as well join in -

I had a lump on my head for years, that eventually became sore. It felt like something sharp sticking out after a while, so after much tugging and pulling, removed a 6cm piece of blue stiff thread like material, a bit like a bristle off a toothbrush. I never did understand how it got there or how long it'd been there.

I've also had dog hairs removed from my feet, glass shards removed from both hands and feet and I've pulled what I thought was a tampon string quite some months after having my son, to find the 'undissolved' dissolvable stitches from my episiotomy!

busy I take your extra sieve and raise you two teddy bears (well a stuffed dog and a hedgehog with a pouch thing) found under DS1's bed that never belonged to anyone in the household.

No idea ever where they came from.

Now I suspect they erupted from my child's flesh in the middle of the night. It's about as logical as nay other explanation.

This is on a par with a wonderful article I read years ago about tropical diseases. Fish that swim up willys, leeches gathering under hats to suck blood, things hatching in boils.

My only contribution is getting a grass seed caught in my nether regions and my Mum removing it for me. Was very painful, one of those barley ones with shards on it.

I have tiny hard lumps in my top lip which are pieces of my own jaw and teeth from a cycling accident when I landed on my face. They don't seem to be on the move but I can sort of chew them.

My DH once squeezed what we're convinced was a melon seed OUT OF HIS WILLY!

I accused him of using melons as a masturbatory aid

I took a pair of grey men's briefs out of my washing machine today. Hubby only wears boxers and so I'm bemused at who these might belong to. They are foul and I cannot believe they belong to any of our friends!

My dog once poo'd a pair of ladies pants that weren't mine !!!!!

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed

Oh my shite! When he dies you have to put "melon fucker" on his headstone.

This thread is the best! I've had a great Xmas but I haven't laughed like I have tonight!

Any update on the lipstick?

sunshine11 But you wouldn't wash your friend's smalls anyway would you? Sounds like your hubby is wearing skimpies in secret

I've just been reading this thread to my family. My mum, who works with disabled children, told me she was changing a nappy on a larger child once and found some string - she pulled it out and after a long pull out popped the balloon. #mikedrop

I breastfed my DD when she was a baby, and at one point I started getting a really sharp pain in one nipple. It went on for about four days with me just thinking it was the start of some kind of infection or something, before I had a really good look at it and discovered a tiny piece of hair poking out from it. It must have somehow got inbedded after I had my hair trimmed! Who knows how it managed to get in there or why DD didn't manage to swallow it.

I'm fairly certain I've still got gravel in my knee from falling over at school age 12. I have a dark grey line in the scar.

Pagen - I had a weird dream last night where I pulled a deflated green balloon complete with string out my bum

Bloody love this thread!

I have more but will post this one first and come back when I've finally got an overexcited and v v annoying 5 yr old TO PUT THE LIGHTSABRE DOWN AND GO TO FUCKING BED!!

Seriously wishing I'd never bought the bloody thing.....he has no spatial awareness with it and I have beautiful paper lamps that are looking really endangered right now!

I digress....

I once had to have a massive WASP removed from my vulva!

I was 16 and camping in France with my cousin.

I sat on the fucking evil cunting thing while trying to get dressed in a tent.

It was a huge fucker and it got stuck in there....was wriggling around while I'm screaming at my cousin "get the fucking tweezers!!!"
She had to get down there and pull it out for me.

It was horrific, painful as fuck and me and my cousin will never be able to look at each other in the same way again.

I fucking hate wasps with an all consuming rage.

OMG Lana I just winced reading that and I've been through child birth!

Have suddenly realised my post doesn't make clear that the wasp stung me!

At no point did I have sexual relations with a wasp!