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Original poster

There is a lipstick going around in the washing machine that isn't mine.

698 replies

AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 23/12/2017 15:34

100% certain dh is not having an affair so who does the lipstick belong to and how on earth will I get it out of the washing as the lid has come off (presumably in the machine) and I'm guessing it will be all over it now. Luckily it was a dark wash. I've stopped the washing machine and put it on drain.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ChardonnaysPrettySister · 25/12/2017 14:51

This is really rank. One night I was in the shower and washing myself, got to my bum. Felt something that was kind of sharp that just shouldn't have been there. Had a root about and pulled a thick 2 inch long blade of grass out my bum. It was winter - but regardless I hate touching grass with my bare feet or legs and haven't sat on any for years. Not a clue how it got there.

Are you a labrador? Happens all the time.

Maelstrop · 25/12/2017 15:05

Superb. My friend is a bouncer and had a fight which resulted in his hand swelling to literally three times its usual size. It was also red and stank of death. He refused to go to hospital and instead got drunk and in front of us, bashed the offending hand really hard on the bar. The explosion was awesome, pustard everywhere and deep down in the middle he found someone else’s tooth

Omfg. I think you win the thread!

RoseWhiteTips · 25/12/2017 15:12

Do you have a daughter? Or a son who is a Goth?

BeyondAssignation · 25/12/2017 15:19

Is it definitely a lipstick and not a lipstick shaped vibrator? Xmas Wink

RoseWhiteTips · 25/12/2017 15:23

It would be a very small vibrator.

RoseWhiteTips · 25/12/2017 15:23
Xmas Shock
MilkGoatee · 25/12/2017 15:28

I suppose this is the thread to post this clip from Graham Norton's show with 50 cent and Julie Walters.

BeyondAssignation · 25/12/2017 15:43

...

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36187

abbsisspartacus · 25/12/2017 15:50

My cat, i thought he had a hair in his eye and wiped it away and out popped a huge grass seed my neighbours cat was sneezing and coughing to the point where they discussed exploritory surgery then she saw something poking out his nose and pulled out a long blade of grass he is fine now Hmm

My other cat ate the strips of tinsel off the tree without me knowing and it doesnt digest so it came out the other end and he ran with it flapping about after him it was like a weird carry on film

VivaLeBeaver · 25/12/2017 15:54

That reminds me about the family dog when I was a kid....was scratching like crazy at his eye for days. So off to the vet and they put funny drops in his eye and could then see a grass seed which in my mind st the time was behind his eyeball.

Anyway they got the tip of it and pulled and pulled and a massive grass seed came out at which point my French pen pal fainted on the floor!

ShirleyPhallus · 25/12/2017 15:54

Once I was swimming in the sea and the water wouldn’t drain properly from my ear

Got home and was dancing around when I felt a huge pop and the biggest ball of hard black wax rolled out of my ear. Was absolutely rank.

Pretty sad I have no teeth or glass embedded in me though

badbadhusky · 25/12/2017 16:39

My other cat ate the strips of tinsel off the tree without me knowing and it doesnt digest so it came out the other end and he ran with it flapping about after him it was like a weird carry on film

We had the same once but with a puppy and a bandage. There’s a reason why they use those big collars. Watching him legging it around the local park with claggy bandage was flapping around behind him was Envy.

BattleCunt · 25/12/2017 16:42

WHAT NEWS OF THE LIPSTICK

Motoko · 25/12/2017 17:48

When my daughter was small, she often had ear infections. One time, she'd been crying and crying and I looked in her ear and saw a lump of wax, so using my little finger nail, I hooked it out. On the other side of the wax was a long cone of some solid matter, but whitish in colour. Her ear calmed down shortly after.

She also had the problem with skin growing over the butterfly earring back and had to go to hospital to get it removed.

The worst one in my family though, was when an insect flew into my mum's ear. She tried to wash it out with some olive oil, but it just went in deeper. She said she could hear it moving around in there for a while. I was horrified, as at the time, I'd been reading a lot of horror books, with stories like spiders laying eggs in the person's brain, and the baby spiders eating their way out, etc. So my mind was imagining this insect doing the same to my mum! She seemed remarkably calm about it though.
It did come out eventually. Several months later, she woke to find various bits of the insect on her pillow.

AriaMontgom · 25/12/2017 21:28

Hmm - I’ve believed that I have had a small stone in my hand since I was a child, thought about it recently and decided I must have imagined it but now I’m not sure!

I fell over on a rock pool when I was about 6 or 7, and I remember at the time ‘knowing’ there was a stone in there but it hurt too much to get it out. I just put a plaster on and eventually forgot about it! There is an obvious white bump there though and it feels like there is something underneath! This thread has made me think there actually might be something in there...

3luckystars · 25/12/2017 22:09

We found a piece of seashell in dhs foot too, we hadn’t been to the beach in over a year. His foot suddenly started hurting and he thought it was a splinter but no the shell was totally embedded and must have been there for ages.

ProjectGainsborough · 25/12/2017 22:48

You know that thing where you read the OP and then go to the last page to see what’s occurring.

WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE?!

Naillig222 · 25/12/2017 23:03

A girl in my class in school called the teacher one day because she had a hair stuck in her tongue. She was holding the hair above and below her tongue and it had gone the whole way through. She had no idea how it happened. Crazy!

Charley50 · 25/12/2017 23:07

Ha ha Project that's exactly whAt I did!

ProseccoMamam · 25/12/2017 23:31

This thread is fucking wild

Nettletheelf · 25/12/2017 23:40

How did the perfectly laundered poo survive a wash?

What type of seashell?

I won’t be able to rest until I have the answers.

Bobbiepin · 25/12/2017 23:49

Years ago I helped an elderly man buy a train ticket from a machine at the station and we got chatting. Turns out he fought in WW2 and got hit on the left side with multiple pieces of shrapnel. It couldn't be removed and over time had moved around his body. He let me feel the lumps of metal that were under the skin in his right hand. I wonder if it eventually pushed out or if he passed away before that could happen.

Floellabumbags · 26/12/2017 01:00

Are you a labrador? Happens all the time

There's nothing that says "I love you" more than pulling grass out of a dog's bumhole!

TroubledTribble28 · 26/12/2017 01:05

Nettle DH has informed me that the name of the type of seashell in my noggin was a 'nutmeg' but not colourful, pure white.

Grammarist · 26/12/2017 01:43

I'd totally forgotten this one!

Had a sore eye. Kept asking everyone to look in it as it was really bothering me.
No one could see anything.
This went on for a couple of days.

Then, one morning I felt something and carefully ended up removing a massive, long hair that had kind of wrapped around my eye.
It was really long (like, about mid-chest length long hair).

Oddly - I had very short hair at the time!

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