There is a lipstick going around in the washing machine that isn't mine.

[AManWalksIntoABarOuch]

100% certain dh is not having an affair so who does the lipstick belong to and how on earth will I get it out of the washing as the lid has come off (presumably in the machine) and I'm guessing it will be all over it now. Luckily it was a dark wash. I've stopped the washing machine and put it on drain.

When I was a teen I was in the Middle East. In the garden where I was staying there was a row of prickly pear cactuses covered in fruit. Stupidly I picked one, cut it open carefully avoiding the large spikes and ate the fruit (yum btw).

Then I noticed that my fingers were covered in tiny, hair-like spikes. It was agony to touch anything, so I carefully picked them out with my teeth. They got stuck in my tongue and gums. I spent 24 hours in total agony before it all finally settled down.

6 months later, back in the UK they suddenly started erupting from my neck, catching on my clothes and my hair. This time I pulled them out with tweezers or christ knows, the whole thing would have started all over again...

DH went through his windscrern when he was a teen . He's got loads of scars and lumps on his head but won't let me poke them. I'm sure there's stuff embedded in it.
In work I was changing a nappy . As I wiped I felt something hard and pulled out an apple stalk, complete with leaf.

I have found my people

When I was young I had a knobbly bit on my wrist, years of poking finally gave up a lovely bit of black grit.

Years later I stepped on something very jaggy in the garden, couldn’t see anything in my foot. Weeks later I got a shooting pain and discovered the tip of a rose thorn poking out. I hoiked it out with tweezers and it was that good it fair gave me the fanny gallops

@giddyupnow
😂

Starting to get a little paranoid that so many people have had random large bits of metal/glass in them not knowing how they got there! Do any of you have any unexplained time losses - perhaps its proof of alien abduction and experimentation on us .

Just remembered about a grass seed foreign body case I heard about at work (vets - dogs love getting grass seeds embedded in places -usually paws or ears). Well one dog presented with acute heart problems and it turned out it had a grass seed lodged in its pericardium! surgery was succesful, amazingly.

I have grit in my knee and the palm of my hand from a fall during cross-country as a kid 30 years ago. Evil PE teacher made me run the remaining mile of the course with blood pouring out of bits of me, and the matron obviously did a pretty poor job of cleaning the wounds. I assumed they were there for life, but perhaps not!

Since it's Christmas, here's a picture of the thorns in the dog's belly. If anyone wants to have a shot on him it's £10, the session is over when he boots you in the face and I'll make you a brew.

My dad had to have some form of brain scan once as he developed epilepsy. There was a dead worm in his brain. Or so my mum says anyway. She’s adamant this is what caused his epilepsy.

There was a dead worm in his brain

This thread keeps hitting new peaks of WTF

OP must have wondered what’s happened to her thread

@VivaLeBeaver It might have been a pork tapeworm.

Superb. My friend is a bouncer and had a fight which resulted in his hand swelling to literally three times its usual size. It was also red and stank of death. He refused to go to hospital and instead got drunk and in front of us, bashed the offending hand really hard on the bar. The explosion was awesome, pustard everywhere and deep down in the middle he found someone else’s tooth.

Oy - that’s both epic and deeply revolting!

I am a dedicated sporner but the hand tooth made me feel sick.

I have just roared with disgust at the bouncer story.

Pustard

That tooth in hand sounds amazing though.

I’m reading these out to my family on Christmas Day.

I think they want to kill me 😂😂😂

This is really rank. One night I was in the shower and washing myself, got to my bum. Felt something that was kind of sharp that just shouldn't have been there. Had a root about and pulled a thick 2 inch long blade of grass out my bum. It was winter - but regardless I hate touching grass with my bare feet or legs and haven't sat on any for years. Not a clue how it got there.

@conjugalholiday. apparantly it was a roundworm and the family dog had had worms so mum blamed it all on the dog. Might have been a tapeworm I guess. I didn’t believe my mum when she told me but googled and apparantly it is a possible thing.

Ooh the earrings thing happened me too. My earlobes enveloped the stud backs and grew around them. Had to have them removed in hospital. Not a patch on these other posts though

I have a random lump on my knee that's been there a while, maybe I'll attack it with tweezers/pins.

OP must have wondered what’s happened to her thread

That's ok Aridane, we are wondering what happened to her washing...

Wtf is this not in classics yet?

DS is playing with his new trainset, DH os working, i am rubbing my thighs and roaring with laughter at some of these - the pustard , the grass up the bum, the toenails - omg that is so rank! 6Yo is asking why i'm laughing, but don't really feel i can share!

This is why i love MN. Happy Spornmas everyone

You know when you watch something painful happen to someone on TV and you get tingles in your fingertips and you have to mark a sort of quiet screamy noise? That just happened to me with the pustard story.

Have to make*