Sorry, but...warnings to the youngsters among us

[MumBod]

Sorry, but...white wiry eyebrows do happen to women.

...you may need to trim your nasal hair too.

...and there will come a time when you'd rather grate your nipples than enter a nightclub, hard as that may be to believe right now.

Any others?

You forgot us 50- somethings Purple

Yes. But that's gen x and everyone has always forgotten gen x. Bastards.

Sitting in the peace and quiet of your kitchen having a cup of tea becomes the highlight of your day.
You will look forward to Springwatch and invest time and energy in the stories.
You will need a gentle Sunday night drama. Nothing violent/too sexy.
You will bulk buy your preferred mouthwash/shampoo/eardrops in case they get discontinued.
Any house improvements are designed to 'see you out'.

Sorry but...

When planning a day out, you'll plan mentally for where you'll be able to go for a wee.

If you laugh too hard you'll actually piss yourself. You and your friends will have long conversations about this.

You'll talk to the dog more than you talk to your DH

You'll own gardening shoes

You will no longer give a flying fuck what other people think. It's awesome

Any house improvements are designed to 'see you out'.

Oh god I used to go mad when I heard my parents say this but fuck me if it ain't the absolute truth!

Sorry but, your hair will go grey and:

The bright young thing on the supermarket till offers you the Tuesday Senior Citizens discount and you are only in your late 40's. When you politely decline, they look confused and say 'Are you sure?'.

This happens again in the hairdresser's, but they don't ask they just give it to you.

If your house (beautifully decorated, muted and tasteful in your opinion) is on the market there will come a time when some cheeky young puppy (all right, a young man in his twenties/thirties) will take a look round and remark on your decor, "It reminds me of my granny's house!"

You will be diplomatic enough to smile through gritted teeth.

Sorry, but ... you are going to look back at photos and see those eyebrows and think WTF?

One good thing is that if you buy something in a shop you will be brave enough to return it yourself without asking mum to do it for you.

"Home improvements that will see you out", oh yes!

My latest one is making sure I don't get another cat when this one goes, because I might need to move into a McCarthy & Stone.

You will never travel anywhere even just for the day/overnight without a tweezers and a razor.

You will consider a night out to start at 5pm and finish by 8pm.

Comfort will be everything, slippers, shoes, sandals, elastic...

Tea will be much nicer than wine ever was.

Holidays are to quiet places. Out of the school holidays so no screaming children around to annoy you.

Laziness will be a major part of your lifestyle. And is allowed too.

You wee yourself when you sneeze
Your back aches
Your knees do that clicking thing
If you go to bars at all it's only ones where you can sit, don't have loud music but do have nice loos.

Someone will complain about the rain and you'll say 'well, the garden needs it'.

This thread is ace!! I have a big birthday this year where I shall be officially able to tick the next box on surveys.

Am also so old now that when I have to fill in my birthdate online I have to scroll down for ages to reach the correct year.

I am irrationally excited when the new copy of Good Housekeeping is out.

I get up in stages. And make 'Ooof' noises when doing so.

Garden centres constitute a good day out. DH and I plan day trips based on whether there's a good tearoom available.

I actually give much less of a shit. I don't really care what others think of my choices in clothes,hair, TV, films, music or whatever. I remember being painfully aware of this in my teens and am so grateful that I no longer give a toss.

My 50-something friend swears that you can either choose to have a youthful arse (via lots of exercise, good diet, etc) or a youthful face (plumper, less lines cos of the fatter bits) At present, my arse is definitely aging faster

You start getting junk mail from Saga holidays and sunlife insurance and think you could do with that nice free parker pen.

Get excited when the Betterware rep drops the catalogue through your door.

You start to give a shit about actual gardening.

You will develop the exact same dangly floppy belly as your middle-aged GirlCat.

You will look at photos of yourself, post-pregnancy, sleep-deprived, covered in baby posset, holding your 3-week-old twins and think "Wow, I looked HAWT!" compared to now.

• You will have to try not to pass comment as your teenager daughters talk about 'cool', 'edgy' outfits that are actually a toned down version of things you wore yourself. However hard you try at some point you will point out that you wore them the first time round when they were original (and they will roll their eyes). You will recall similar conversations with your own DM.
• Someone will refer to music as 'old school' or 'retro' and you will be confused because in your mind it is pretty current.
• Someone will suggest going clubbing in a big city (for a hen night/birthday etc) and it will give you an adrenaline rush. But this time not from the excitement of what could happen but the fear that you may not be able to get out of it.

Sorry, but...

When it rains you might do a little fist pump because the allotment needs it.

You will recreate the Evolution of Man as you get up from your armchair and make your way across the living room, straightening up as you go.

Clothes do look better ironed.

You'll dread that Saturday night text that says "we're off to X's for a few drinks if you want to join us for a chat"...you'd much rather snuggle up on the sofa with a and book (this is me...right now...)

You finally give in and give away all your beautiful high heeled shoes because it is no longer worth the pain. Brands like Gabor (previously known as old lady shoes) become more your style.

If you put on a few pounds they don't just disappear if you cut back 1000 calories a day for a couple of weeks.

You buy a 'smart' navy blue coat just for funerals thinking 'this will see me out'.

You have sports bras older than your DD who is now a qualified aerobics instructor and laughs at 80s photos of you in leotards with matching head bands and leg warmers.

You will walk past a bunch of builders and they won't even notice you.

I'm 26 and I pulled a hair out my chin the other week 😢

Like a proper dark hair out my chin!!! I'm growing a beard!!

Your eyesight will go at about the same time you sprout facial hair, and you will one day find yourself doing your make-up in a magnifying mirror and realising you have a moustache.

You will embrace BIG knickers. Oh yes, you WILL.

You'll find yourself walking past all those pretty Brazilian pants and thongs and heading directly to the 'nice three-pack of cotton belly warmers' aisle.