Sorry, but...warnings to the youngsters among us

[MumBod]

Sorry, but...white wiry eyebrows do happen to women.

...you may need to trim your nasal hair too.

...and there will come a time when you'd rather grate your nipples than enter a nightclub, hard as that may be to believe right now.

Any others?

You will embrace BIG knickers.
this is the truest thing ever. The timeline of my life follow thus...thirties started a bra; forties started wearing slippers and fifties started wearing lovely big pants.

Managers who act and sound like children.
Pissing yourself
Hairs sprouting on chin and side of face
White pubes
Big drawers i.e., knicks
Looking forward to retirement

I'm sorry, but...

Your slippers will start to mean more to you than your car.

Three and Humble.....laughing my head off. Literally just back from Tesco with two packs of big knickers

I looked in the mirror a few days ago and,for a few seconds,saw my DM. When I told my DD this,she said 'You sound like her quite often as well'.

Sorry but why are ugly feet inevitable?

Your grandchildren are taller than you and whip away your new phone to "set it up for you" in 5 minutes.
Velcro fastening sandals - something I said I would never be seen in.

I've ALWAYS hated crowded bars and pubs - I go there to have a chat and a couple of drinks, not listen to nosebleed techno at volume 11. How is that a "good evening out"?

Sorry but no matter how co-ordinated and flexible you are now, one day you will bend down to pick something up and find yourself falling over to the side whilst whimpering "oh whoopsy" or some other twee old lady phrase.

Only half way through the thread - but Lois this is me! 😂

Time will confuse you - example:

I learned that Joe Lycett (a comedian) was from my old stomping ground and I thought 'oh I wonder if I knew him from drinking in such and such a pub' until I worked out that he was 8 when I was out in those pubs - 8!

Yet my addled mind can't grasp age difference very well anymore - it is sure I am still 28!

You will get up half an hour before anyone else, so you can have a peaceful cuppa before anyone else gets up

Fabulous thread. Thanks everyone.

You will turn grey, smell of cabbages and never know what day of the week it is.

Sorry but.........

Top Shop and New Look will start to sell dreadful clothes and those frumpy shops that you hate, like Fat Face and White Stuff with start selling stuff you like.

I've already got nasal hair 🙊

You will develop wonderful, liberating, body-confidence. You will wear what you want and the hell with what anyone else says or thinks. And you will wish that you had had this confidence when you had the beautiful body to go with it.

Oh, so true Goody - and you will also wish that you had replied that you had a beautiful body at the time instead of looking at every other girl's figure and wishing you had her boobs, bum, waist etc.

*realised, not replied

I hate you Autocorrect

Has anyone asked for this to be moved to Classics yet?

you realise that you get a headache after one glass of red wine, every time, and maybe it's time you changed your tipple

. . . To Sanatogen. . . .

You will reach into your pocket for a hanky and pull out Werther's Original . . .

This is going to be me, and I love the poem (by Jenny Joseph).

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple."

Sorry, but...

There's comes a point where you have to succumb to properly fortified undergarments that closely resemble a parachute harness, in a desperate bid to stop everything heading south by 6"

This misery is then compounded when you hang said parachute harness out on the line, next to your teen DDs flimsy scraps of lace & cobwebs, that pass for their bras and knickers

The day when the new-fangled, multi-buttoned, latest model washing machine (dishwasher etc) is delivered and installed in a VERY SPECIAL day...

Sorry, but...

The day the man comes to clean the oven is a red-letter day, and you get Very Upset when you have to use it afterwards.

You will marvel over your pressure cooker and wish you bought one years ago, forgetting that years ago you didn't give a fuck how quickly you could cook a stew.

You find yourself considering how easy a new appliance/bathroom/kitchen will be to clean instead of it's looks/coolness.