Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Archery Was in SE Asia for me, but I guess just a thing anywhere they get money for the bottles. Can't believe I never realised why before, d'oh!

Someone mentioned m&s. With their ad "not just any food...." I proclaim them the Forefathers of Wank. As for those John Lewis bastards, I don't even know where to start . We live, we buy shit, we die. No theme tune required.

Thank you, whoever recommended We Want Plates upthread. Brilliant.

Can't agree with those claiming Costa Coffee is decent coffee though. Whatever you order in there, you end up with a bucket of weak, coffee scented, lukewarm milk.

What the buggery fuck is a Puppachino???

Pulled pork - wanky, literally

Wooden signs
with bland
SLOGANS
about wine
& dancing
& chocolate
in differents
TYPEFACES
So Wanky

Has anybody nominated the teapots with 3 egg timers on top to enable you to time your cup to perfection? Seen for the first and positively the last time in Harris & Hoole, aka 'Tesco'

Egg cups with feet. And Tea For One sets where the teapot is balanced precariously on the mug.

Perfume marketing has been wanky for decades. (Or should that be 'scent' or 'fragrance' - not sure which is the current wanky term.) And all fashion writing - the whole sodding lot.

Serious wankery from my coffee this morning.

HandsomeBoys I hate the chopping board thing- urggh

My old Pa recently asked for a pint of Stella in a hipster bar. A supernaturally tall "mixologist" with a beard and a bun (and jeans rolled to the upper ankle) informed him with a sniff that "We don't serve mainstream beers here."

Wanky!

Crumble it is an artisan steamed milk drink for your ethically sourced chihuahua.

CaoNiMa Did your Pa get something else instead or go elsewhere?

.

I've just been thinking as I lie in bed (day off) I don't think there are any wanky coffee places near me. There's a Starbucks, Insomnia, Costa and many other restaurant/coffee places.

No hipster ones though: I feel deprived, are they normally frequent in thier existence?

Theres a restaurant in Birmingham called The Botanist, they serve your meal on a shovel, as they think its very trendy hahaha :)

I think The Botanist is a chain, which is laughably ironic considering their wanky 'look how individual and different we are' attitude, as there is one in Leeds too.

We were laughing at their 'famous hanging kebabs' yesterday as there seems no easy or sensible way to eat them other than using a Halloweenesque 'bobbing for apples technique' as obviously they don't serve food on anything as staidly mainstream as a plate that is appropriately sized for eating food off.

Yes Barbara a chain I think, i mean a meal of a trowel haha

Inspirational slogans everywhere - totally wanktastic such as Live, laugh, love, written on practically everything (wall art, mugs, tea-towels, and worst of all, the free-standing words that serve no purpose)

Most things from Notonthehighstreet.com are a big pile of turgid wank.

A key ring with "I love you more than the moon and stars"? - wank
A framed picture saying "Home is where the prosecco is"? - wank

Isn't being a chain the opposite of what the whole hipster thing is about? Unless being ironic is the theme!

I LOVE this thread.

My local hipster coffee shop displays its prices on a pegboard to one decimal place. So insteard of £2.50 has 2.5, which is what is charges for a latte served in a small glass tumbler. Coffee is nice though.

I need to get out of my small town more. I lived in the city til beardy trendy wankers populated it and I couldn't afford to live there any longer.

There's just so much going on in the world that I could get cross about! Things that I never knew existed! I am quite literally amazed.

It's like there is a whole other Britain that I didn't even know about!

I'll reach out to ... Wanky. You will contact ....

I think an added feature of hipster coffee shops is no understanding of "time and motion" flows.

At my local Pret they are super efficient. In fact if you are a regular they will occasionally spot you in the queue and your usual coffee will be waiting for you when you get to the front. But even if not, its all pretty brisk, there is a feeling of everyone moving forward. I went to a hipster coffee place last week (unfortunately I live in an area where we actually have a choice of these - and yes, it does have 'artisan' in its title). The whole queueing/serving thing was a bit, well, mystifying. When I got to the front of the (ill defined) queue they asked me where I was sitting. Which obvs wasn't anywhere as I'd just come in. But I pointed somewhere, went and sat down there. Waited (other people seemed to be given their coffee straight away? what? why? I only ordered an Americano, nothing time consuming). A bit later someone sort of wandered round (presumably having been told something like - fat old bird sitting somewhere near the window) ineffectually offering my coffee to people. Gah, inefficient processes make my teeth itch.

(Yes, man making the coffee had a man bun and a beard. There are about 20 different coffee drink variants (cold pressed etc) AND they have a blackboard outside with a different bon mot on it every day).

When I went to Toni and Guy I was given a coffee that came in several containers and required instructions on how to put it together, and at what time. It's hard enough drinking a coffee while having your hair cut without that added wankery.