Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

@splendide - I refuse to ask for anything apart from warm milk. If they say 'you mean a babyccino', I vomit quietly into my hand, and say 'no, I mean a warm milk. If you choose to make the milk frothy, fine. It's still warm milk'. Don't feel like a tit! Join the fight back against wankified children's drinks!

We have an 'I saw you coming shop' near us. It's right by the station, sells random old shite, and has twee hand written notices about the opening hours, of the ilk: 'closed Tuesday, as down the allotment!'

No one cares. Open the shop, or don't. I could give a fuck where you are. It sells old tin baths as 're-purposed planters'. For £45. Yeah.

Signature annoys me. Wanky when used in Sleb A's signature collection

What does it mean? We photocopied her signature and put it on the label? Somebody I know said their signature dish was lasagne. Utter wankery. I don't think Oooh Jemima's dish every time I eat one.

I fucking HATE "shop" used a verb. As in "shop our new summer collection."
The word is "buy", or "browse" if you are being non-commital

Shop as a verb is nothing new.

Ah a Beamish tram !

I have laughed so much at this thread and thanks for the I Saw You Coming videos, never seen those but Harry Enfield is spot on as usual.

My contribution is being served a cocktail in what I can only describe as a carrier bag. Not quite big enough for a full week's shopping but still not a bloody glass! Wankery at its very best .

That photo reminds me of the old NE joke: "shop in Boots, rummage around in Binns".

There a few arty crafty type shops in town that people say ' how do they stay open'?
no bikes covered in flowers - yet.
The front for drugs could be a thing - a bit like the trainers hanging off the electricity wires that you see in random places. urban myth that this is the place to go to score, apparently , although i just wonder where the one footed person has gone!

A google-earth-worthy geographical description of where the pig/duck/cow was reared: 'medallions of Amelia Park lamb with pan-fried Avon Valley pork liver' - I don't give a toss!

I do wonder what they'd write if the meat came from Croydon. It doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

What else where they proposing to fry food in?

This comes up every time someone complains about something being described as pan-fried. It's to distinguish it, as earlier posters said, from something deep-fried, and I can't think of a better way to describe something fried in a pan. It's just factual.

Does anyone remember the Edinburgh estate agent that sold (frankly) 'grotty flats'? Hope they didn't go out of business...

This sort of stuff, mason jars. slates for plates etc, seems to have been going on for years, I couldn't be bothered getting worked up about it

I'm worried I may be a hipster.

My home is full off old furniture that's been done up. I own a chaise longue, lamps made out of interesting bottles, and patchwork cushions.

I even used to drink from jam jars, if there weren't enough glasses to go round at parties.

I'm hoping being genuinely poor redeems me.

Sadly I don't own this house, otherwise I could call it a bohemian artisan space, and sell it for millions...

Personally it's pretension that's wanky.

If the food / coffee tastes good, I have no problem.

It's when it's dressed up as something it really isn't where there is a problem.

somewhere My contribution is being served a cocktail in what I can only describe as a carrier bag.

I remember being served cheap takeaway drinks in plastic bags, in another country... it feels like the Wanky People (TM) just appropriate stuff. As shortsaint says:
it's pretension that's wanky.

I actually feel quite annoyed about being poor and making-do-and-mending, doing up old furniture etc, trying to make things beautiful, then some Wanky Person does the same and charges hundreds of pounds for "upcycling". And makes me look like a fellow Wanky Person (i'm poor, but with an RP accent, my appearance screams "hipster"!)
Actually I'm mainly annoyed that they get away with charging so much for stuff - I'd love to figure out how they do it!

It all moves so quickly anyway - a few years ago I had my first drink served in a mason jar in Covent Garden - now you can buy them for 50p in Poundstretcher! The wankers really need to up their game .

I once felt like a nice antipasto-type meal. Got some really nice bread, cold meats, cheeses and some balsamic vinegar. I don't like olive oil (as a dip!!), so that wasn't part of the meal.

My mum phoned. Asked what I was having for tea, so I told her. She said, in her broad northern accent, "You what? You're having a cheese and ham butty with vinegar??" Brilliant !

BBCNewsRave maybe all this hipster malarky was caused by you!!

BBCNewsRave I guess they are charging for their time/labour.

1. vintage coffee = coffee you've forgotten to drink, now cold and needs microwaving.

1. Any M+S advert.

1. Leaving out the 'The' in car adverts. i.e. 'New Discovery storms through mud'

1. Mission statements.

1. Double wanky. Mission statements written in script so implying honesty/truth/sincerity.

1. Small posters on busses 'revised fares in operation.' No you mean increased.

CP

BBCNewsRave Part of the charge is surely just sheer brass neck?

GameofPhones

No, I mean how the hell are they getting people to actually pay those prices? If I could figure it out I'd be much better off! Although then I suppose I'd be a Wanky Person/hipster rather than merely a poor arty type... self-gentrification.

Touch base/ reaching out.

You mean you are going to call me?

Any thing deconstructed

Pure wank

Oh and anything in a frickin MLM Facebook page.

Never has the world seen so many "amazing" products and write ups with every emojii going.

I like emojis but overkill is just wanky

No you aren't in your office. You are sat in your pants stuffing your face with crap and you haven't showered in three days as that's how long it's taken to emphasise all the #amazeballs products

Also,

Sprouted shite. Sprouted kale, sprouted cauliflower, sprouted sprouts
Definitely wanky.

The drinks in bags thing: this is (or used to be) a Central/South American thing, where street vendors will tip a coke into a bag and tie it around a straw, because they get a deposit back on the glass bottles.