Banged my head on a shop window.

[TheClaws]

It was a classy jewellery shop, too. I bent closer to look at a ring, and banged smashed my head against the glass. All the shop assistants - they were five of them! - and customers turned around to stare. I continued to peer at the rings as if I didn't have a care in the world.

Please let me know you've embarrassed yourselves too in public spaces, and not just me?

Many years ago I had 2 large dogs. I was walking them, on leads, down a farm road which had crops on both sides about waist high. One of the dogs must have seen a rabbit or something because he suddenly ran into the field. The other one followed. I kept hold of the leads and got dragged into the field. As I was crawling out the farmer, his wife and their 3 children (who I was friendly with) drove past. They saw me and waved. They never asked me why I was crawling out of their crop field.

Not me but a friend - She invited an elderly aunt for Christmas. On Christmas eve auntie asks what she can do to help the following day. My friend says you can peel the pototatoes. About 6am Christmas morning my friend wakes up and smells burning. Grabs husband's dressing gown (sleeping naked) and runs downstairs. Auntie has not only peeled the potatoes but has put them on to boil and they have boiled dry. Friend leans over to take pan off the gas hob. The too long sleeve of the dressing gown catches fire. Friend runs to the front door, opens it and takes off the dressing gown and stamps on it to put the flames out. Cue neighbour walking his dog. Sees friend, naked, stamping on a flaming dressing gown on her front door step. He waves and shouts "Merry Christmas." So British.

With my dsis at a CenterParcs Spa.
There was a little outdoor plunge pool in a patio area that we fancied a soak and a chat in
She entered the water elegantly
I tripped over my flip flops, skidded on the wet floor on my arse and basically dive bombed all the sedate ladies in the pool.
I tried to style it out but many people had witnessed my shame and there was much nudging and tittering.

Oh just thought of another one.

When I was 18 I worked a canteen. One day I was making a big catering size tray of macaroni cheese with a crispy grilled top. The grill was high up on the wall so I had to stand on my tip toes to reach. This day as I reached up to take the tray down but the combination of tip toes and slippy oven gloves was too much and the tray when flying in the air. In my moment of panic I done a slide dive onto the floor (like a goalkeeper) in a desperate attempt to save it from going everywhere, and by some miracle I caught it before it landed with not a drop spilled.

As if it wasn't bad enough it all happened at the exact moment my manager was walking into the kitchen so she witnessed the whole thing. She said it looked like something out of a cartoon. I never lived it down.

As I read this thread I am ashamed to realise that I have many more of these

There was the time after an afternoon in the pub when I attempted to cycle home but somehow it just wasn't working. I got on the bike, tried to pedal and fell straight off the other side. I did this at least twice before I realised the chain had come off...

And the job interview where I attempted to exit via the broom cupboard. In my defence it was in an oak panelled room with 2 doors that looked very similar and it had been a very stressful interview (me vs a panel of 6). A load of brooms, mops and dustpans fell out on my head like something out of Fawlty Towers. Amazingly I was offered the job but I turned it down. I couldn't have shown my face there ever again.

This thread has to be a Classic...!

I knocked myself dizzy on a low beam in a very stylish boutique once. I staggered and saw stars...looked up to see the shop assistants sniggering at me.

They didn't ask if I was ok or offer me a seat or anything. So I reported them to head office who sent me a voucher for a large sum of money and told me the staff in question had been given offical warnings.

Karma.

Fish I used to work in a West End theatre in the bar and all of the staff were out of work actors and dancers.

We used to have to carry these heavy crates down all these winding stairs to the glass washer...my friend, a ballerina, was tiny and as she carried this massive heavy crate loaded with glasses down the stairs, which were concrete...she slipped.

So being a dancer, she threw the crate down and sort of leaped balletically OVER it, thus avoiding what might have been a nasty accident.

She landed on her feet lower than the crate!

I had just had my hair done at my achingly cool hairdressers. I leaned over to pick my bag up from the floor and cracked my forehead on a little glass and metal shelf. Blood gushed everywhere. Panic stations with staff rushing to mop up the blood.

In the 90s after a night out drinking with friends. I was making my way home on a bus completely hung over. It had those seats at the front that are higher up and facing side on so you basically have an audience. Suddenly I knew I was going to be really sick and rather than have it go on the floor and run down towards all the other passengers I did the only thing I could do and was sick in my handbag. Mortifying

This fills me with horror and please try not to judge But I have to share. My sister won some tickets to see the "Rocky horror show" and asked if I would like to come. We had never seen the film (it's always so late at night) but my dd,who was 6, loved the time warp dance and so we thought we would take her as a treat
We turn up and I'm starting to wonder why men and women are dressed in stockings and heels with feather bowers ? Im thinking maybe it's a stag do. Anyway it said on the flyer may have some naughty bits BUT the people at the ticket office looked at us and my daughter said nothing so we thought well it must be ok and in we went.
My god it was horrendous. I felt like the worst parent in the world and it kept getting more explicit to the point where they had this giant bed on stage wheeled out and a portrayed "rimming" was going on under a bed sheet that had me running up the steps holding dd with my fingers in her ears and hands over her eyes.
We sat out after the first half and got an ice cream whilst I judged myself harshly. I have never been so physically uncomfortable.
My dc has fond memories of doing the time warp with all the friendly adults and had a great time from what she remembers.
The SHAME

I walked across a pedestrianised area with intermittent fountains which I didn't realise were working and as I walked over one it came on and shouted up my skirt and all over me. I obviously screamed and lots of people laughed at me but I did find it funny too.

I mean shooted up my skirt obviously

Cocolepew I am laughing so hard I'm testing my own pelvic floor!

I once broke my toe by dropping a tub of hair serum on it. Whilst sitting in my wheelchair

Feckitt My friend was out walking her dogs in some very rural fields, pre mobile phone days, when she slipped and broke her ankle pretty badly. She couldn't weight bear so had to crawl across the fields towards home on her hands and knees. She said the worst part was one dog thought it was a game and kept jumping on her back

I love this thread.

I have another...
I was working on a building site,and entered through the new conservatory door stupidly without a hard hat (which one of the builders had left a claw hammer hanging off the frame) as I shut the door,the claw hammer landed on my head with a loud thud.
I saw stars.after realising I was actually ok,the 5 builders there started pissing themselves laughing.didn't live that one down for a while!

*didn't live

I took my, then yet to be diagnosed with ASD, DS to a very hippy toddler play group when he was about 2. Getting out the door always involved tears on his part and mine but this particular morning I was determined to get out for the house for my own sanity. The last thing I grabbed was the hand sanitizer from our en suite. DS was downstairs already in the buggy throwing a massive strop. We got there just in time for the singing before they served the bread and the mother next to me asked if she could borrow the hand gel. As we both smeared it on our toddlers hands it became very apparent that something wasn't quite right as it wasn't absorbing.....it wasn't hand gel. Without my glasses on I had in fact picked up the sex lube! As we both peered suspiciously at the bottle I turned several shades of red and prayed the earth would swallow me. On the bus ride home I just burst with sobbing laughter and looked like a complete lunatic.

Slipsliding-I can't stop laughing at your post!you gave a stranger lube to run into her toddlers hands
was anything said?

Oh god, laughing at sex lube and naked Christmas!

I've just thought of two more

Last Christmas, we took my parents to visit a very pretty monument near-ish our house. It was snowy and I was pretty excitably running towards the monument while everyone else sensibly walked and slipped, landing on literally the only sharp object in a 10-meter radius. 4 stitches in my arm, plus I passed out in the hospital after calling the doctor a f*cker for injecting the cut with anaesthetic without telling me first.

Also managed to break my ankle falling over a pair of heels. I wasn't wearing them, they were lying on my bedroom floor

Oh and Sherlocke I've also fallen through a ceiling into the room below - I was only 9 though, and my folks were refurbishing. I went straight through the new plasterboard they'd just paid for They felt so sorry for me (I was quite badly grazed and bruised) that they took me out for fish and chips afterwards. Worth it, in my 9-year-old's opinion!

Two years ago I had a job mowing lawns for the council. I also used a strimmer, and grass flew everywhere, including down my tshirt and into my bra. I had a bit of an itch under my boob but as I was wearing dungarees I couldn't reach under my top to remove whatever was itching me. I returned to my works car which was tucked behind a block of flats and quite secluded, bent down to the wing mirror, stuck my hand down the neck of my tshirt, hoisted up a large boob and dug around for the offending grassy bit between my tit and my bra underwire using the mirror as a guide. All done I popped my tit back in, adjusted my clothing and turned to walk away, noting that one of my colleagues was in the front passenger seat on that very side, talking on a phone.

Would you believe he never saw a thing?

Great thread!

Mine is a work one. I was having an unpleasant meeting with my boss and a PITA whom I manage due to his lateness and other stuff like not booking leave. I'd been in hospital that year and this guy referred to that as the reason that he was late etc (?) At that point I decided to say "how dare you" and storm out of the meeting on my high horse except I fell over a TINY waste paper bin and ended up flailing face first on my boss's floor. I just remember both of their bemused faces as I got to my feet and resumed my " storm" out ... to the ladies loo!!

It was awful. My toddler and the other toddler began having their own version of messy play and smearing their lubed up hands across the table. Other mother and I stopped singing whilst the others merrily carried on. I cannot tell you how hard it is to get a packet of wipes open when you hands are covered in slippy lube. She said not a word but just frowned in a sort of disbelieving sort of way while I shoved wipes at her. The shame nearly burned a hole in me. It was made worse and slightly more comical by the fact that the other mother was heavily pregnant. When DH called at lunch I was laughing like a hyena down the phone trying to explain that I'd spent my morning lubing up a pregnant lady and her toddler.

Another one which happened while I was cutting grass in a dog walker's park. I was dying for a pee in the early hours of a cold morning so went in search of a suitable bush to hide behind. There wasn't much of a choice so I thought I'd just get it over with. Just as the last few drips were done, a bloke walking a dog came round the corner. I jumped up in my bright yellow safety workwear and scrabbled to pull up my knickers, tight thermal leggings, normal leggings and my work trousers (no dungarees this time) and pull down my vest all at the same time. Spectacular fail. I kind of laughed it off. There's no way he didn't notice the luminous yellow figure but he had the grace to pretend he hadn't.

I'm laughing just as much at the typos here as the stories. Foot and Moth crisis indeed!