Banged my head on a shop window.

[TheClaws]

It was a classy jewellery shop, too. I bent closer to look at a ring, and banged smashed my head against the glass. All the shop assistants - they were five of them! - and customers turned around to stare. I continued to peer at the rings as if I didn't have a care in the world.

Please let me know you've embarrassed yourselves too in public spaces, and not just me?

Downstairspoo 😂 😂 😂

That train one, brilliant!

The other day I walked into the corner shop with DD's hat comically perched on my head. I had put it on my head in the car for some unknown reason but forgot about it when I went in the shop and neither DD or OH thought it was necessary to tell me.

Had my own hat on underneath so looked even more ridiculous

Mine is verbal not physical. Went into our local chi chi shop. The rather grand older lady shop assistant said "may I help you?". My response "no it's fine I was just admiring your jugs". As soon as I said it I realised how wrong it sounded and scuttled out without my cream retro jugs...

When I was 20 (God was I ever 20?) I was taken to the cinema by my boyfriend. We arrived late, the adverts had begun and the lights were out. Our seats were in the middle so everyone had to stand up to let us pass. When we arrived at our seats I sat down on the wrong seat - straight onto a man's lap. I squealed, he squealed, the row in front jumped three feet in the air, the row behind cracked out laughing - much chaos ensued. These days I arrive very early at the cinema!

London! I miss your ways. I was riding on the top deck of the 19, wearing a black boiled wool Nicole Farhi suit . On the way to work in Notting Hill, feeling good. There's a nice Indian couple with a two or three year old girl sitting at the seats which overlook the stairwell.

As I go downstairs to get off, I feel this hot liquid in my hair. It's white and looks like cottage cheese. Hot cottage cheese. The little girl had thrown up and her parents had just pointed her over the banister and down the stairwell. My shoulders, my front, my thighs, all soaking in warm milk barf.

I got off the bus and looked upwards in horror at the Indian family, who were looking outside at me.

I'm currently pregnant and motherhood holds no fears for me after this.

Happy ending: Lucky I was friends with my editor's wife who lived by the office - she lent me their shower and I had clothes at their place from a party. Then I walked to work like nothing happened. The suit never lost that smell, even after a dry clean.

I was on a tube once on my way home from a works do , filthy drunk . I fell asleep with my legs crossed and was woken up by a lady telling me it was the end of the line. I stood up and not realising I'd got a dead leg staggered down the aisle Norman Wisdom stylee , out the door and fell between the platform and the train .

I wouldn't have minded but I didn't travel by tube to work ( use the overground) and ended up stranded miles away from where I wanted to be !

Getting off a bus I turned right rather too sharply and ended up walking straight into the buses wing mirror, fully twatting myself in the face. I strode off rather briskly but could still see in my peripheral vision, to my utter shame, that the driver had had to get out to straighten his mirror back again

Years ago (many years ago lol) my girlfriends and I hired a car on a holiday in Majorca.

I was the navigator. Ahem.

So we were heading for Palma from Alcudia and suddenly, at the end of this quiet side road, we actually, seriously, honestly ENDED UP ON THE RUNWAY of Palma Airport. No we couldn't understand it either.

OMFG, could see the headlines next day. But our girlie driver found reverse and got out of there like the road runner. It was bizarre, wouldn't happen today either. But those were the days. No security cordons. Will never forget it. Must have been a farmers lane or something.

I've never lived it down for my navigating skills.

We were more worried about a plane landing on top of the car than we were worried about having strayed off piste. Still get a laugh about it.

I was at the gym,came out of the shower with just a towel round me, I didn't have my glasses on, went to get my clothes and fell down the step from the shower area to the changing area. Fell full length and my towel fell off! There I was lying naked on the floor in a packed changing room!

I have literally laughed myself into hiccups reading this thread.

I'm dyspraxic so I'm always doing stuff like this. I think I've told this one before but I once ran across the (open plan) office to answer my phone as I was waiting for a callback from the GP and didn't want to miss it. Just as I reached my desk I went over on my ankle, flailed around as I went down, banged my chin on the top of my desk and pulled my monitor on top of myself. I ended up sitting on the floor with a sprained ankle, seeing stars, blood running down my chin where I'd bitten my lip, bruised knee from where the monitor hit it, and I missed the twatting phone call.

I was the Health & Safety Officer at the time.

I might have to name change after this as it's pretty outing. Years ago I was at an evening wedding reception. The buffet had been open for a bit, most people had had something to eat so although there was still some food out, the lights had gone back down and the dancing had restarted. The friend I was with suggested we get a second helping from the buffet. As we approached the table the DJ started playing a song I love, so I started doing that wanky dance-walking across the buffet area. Next thing I knew, my high heel hit a bit of dropped pastry, I slid several feet forwards with increasing momentum and crashed into the buffet table. I managed to grab the tablecloth as I landed on my arse and pulled everything off that section onto me and the floor with a crash that could be heard over the music. (THANK GOD the remaining wedding cake was on a separate table off to the side.)

Cue me rearing up dripping salmon quiche and coleslaw off my posh frock, all 8,743,663 guests leaping over to help me up, brush me down, pick up the broken plates and bent serving spoons, start clearing up the mess etc, my friend pretending she'd never seen me before in her life...and over this general pandemonium and most embarrassing moment of my entire existence, where I was fighting back tears of shame and trying to laugh it off and generally stop people fussing over me and make me and even bigger centre of attention, the DJ said over the mic "safe to say the buffet is now closed, ladies and gents".

Worst of it was I hardly knew the bride and groom at all; I had been my friend's "+1" as she hadn't had a partner at the time. I did send a card via my friend afterwards apologising for making such a tit of myself and hoping I hadn't spoilt their evening and received a very kind "not at all" reply, but even just writing this out again, at least 20 years later, has left me hot with shame .

I can barely breath for laughing at these posts.

My contribution.
I was trying on a pair of jeans in the changing room of a large supermarket. When I tried to remove them, I got one leg out and overbalanced. I did the hop, hop, hop dance before crashing through the curtain with one leg in and one leg out of the jeans, arse on full display wearing Bridget Jones style knickers.
All I could think to do was to crawl back into the cubicle and hiding in there until I was sure that the shocked shoppers had left the store, either to go home and regale everyone about a half dressed, half crazy woman in the store, or to seek counselling.

When I was getting married, I stepped forward to sign the register and Unbeknown to me, my garter had snapped and I left it behind in full view of the guests. My niece picked it up and handed it back to me. My face was as red as my bouquet.

We have recently moved into a new house, I came home from shopping and pulled into the driveway of the house two doors down, got out of my car, opened the boot and removed my shopping. Then I phoned my husband to tell him that the front door lock was broken, just as the lady who lives there came to the door from the inside and demanded to know why I was trying to get into her house, why was I parked on her driveway and why was I bringing her groceries.

My husband got into a fight with a glass door in the bank. The door won and my Husband came staggering back to the car with blood streaming down his face from where the door had split it open.

Was trying on a pair of shoes in a shop, decided to try the next size so walked back to the rack in my socks, just as I got to the rack, I slipped. I grabbed the rack to try and steady myself and brought the whole lot down on myself. I was half knocked out and buried under a mountain of shoes.
When the assistant and other customers managed to get the rack off me and dig me out from the shoe mountain, for some reason it seemed like an ideal time to ask if they had the shoes in a different size.

No wonder my husband calls me calamity Kate!

I ended up sitting on the floor with a sprained ankle, seeing stars, blood running down my chin where I'd bitten my lip, bruised knee from where the monitor hit it, and I missed the twatting phone call.

My version.

A colleague had a problem with her computer so I opened the case to sort it out. "Ah, loose ribbon cable." I said and made sure the connection was sorted. Only, I'd cut my hand on one of the sharp edges inside the case. I stood there, idly examining the blood while my colleague fished about in her bag for a tissue.

The woman sitting at the other side of the partition, stood up, looking extremely pale and muttered something about the sight of blood before vomiting all over her desk and fainting to the floor, pulling her chair down on top of herself. Everyone rushed over to help while I figured it would be rude to ask "What about me?" Thankfully, my fainting colleague wasn't hurt but had to go home early.