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Fanny condensation

557 replies

ClopySow · 08/11/2016 21:46

On plastic chairs. Just me?

Please tell me it's not just me. It happened tonight at school parents meeting. Stood up after a nice chat with the maths teacher and there is it, the diamond shaped condensation patch of doom.

I nearly name changed because i am very embarrassed, but fuck it.

OP posts:
Ravenesque · 10/11/2016 20:00

Yep, I have less condensation these days because my stupid arse has shrunk and become bony. I'd rather have my old arse and condensation because sitting on hard chairs is a bloody nightmare

The notion that it's piss or secretions of some sort of fanny lurgy is just horrible. Why would any sane person say that?! Here is the VERY simple thing. If it as piss or any form of fanny juice, you'd feel it seep out, your clothing would be damp, the patch of doom would remain and someone would come up to the chair and exclaim "Fuck me, some dirty bastard has pissed on the chair!" or "Hellzapoppin' this chair is covered in fanny juice!"

I think it's really horrible to imply that every woman here who has experienced it goes around with pissy knickers and is excretes fanny juice so heavily that she leaves a snail trail wherever she goes.

N.b. Condensation is the change of gas to liquid. I.e. it is the change of the physical state of matter. Now, I'm not sure if farts can turn into liquid, but I'm pretty sure that piss and juice,already being liquid can't change their physical state to liquid, because they are bloody liquid.

In short, stop being so horrible. It's natural bloody science!

Of course any of us could lose control of our bladders, being women and all it can happen, but that would be a different thing altogether. The chance of fanny juice leaking out of our pants is far less likely. When I was about fourteen I did have a horrible experience in an art exam when the far heavier than I had anticipated period I was having started leaking and leaking and I knew that there was blood on the chair I was sitting on and my legs and my pants and my skirt. I had to sit there until everyone had left, clean the chair, put a jumper around my waist and go and clean myself up. That can happen to any woman and it doesn't make us someone to be looked upon as filthy and dirty, but none of these things are condensation. Learn some simple bloody science!

Apologies for rant. Rant now over.

ShatnersBassoon · 10/11/2016 20:01

When women wear thick tights and trousers very unhygenic bacteria like warm damp places. That is why stockings and pencil skirts should be worn so you get nice air circulation.

Same can be said for an ankle-length kilt and pop socks. It's what all the most hygienic women are wearing this season.

ClopySow · 10/11/2016 20:06

ravenesque

stands on desk

Oh captain my captain

OP posts:
Ravenesque · 10/11/2016 20:12

Smile Thank you ClopySow!

falange · 10/11/2016 20:12

It's sweat.

GettingMuckyFingersCrossed · 10/11/2016 20:13

How many of us are going to be looking for the shuffle and twist ?
Once you know about it you see can it everywhere Grin
Great post OP

Ravenesque · 10/11/2016 20:15

Re Popsocks. I used to work with a (v posh) bloke who told us, in a conversation about the pros and cons of stockings, how much his girlfriend loved wearing stockings and that was all she ever wore as she wasn't keen on tights. It's so long ago that I can't remember exactly how the conversation went but at some point in the proceedings it suddenly became clear that what he thought were stockings were in fact popsocks. It explained why he'd never thought stockings were particularly sexy. We laughed. A lot.

ClopySow · 10/11/2016 20:18

Can you point me in the direction of something peer reviewed falange

OP posts:
Jimmers · 10/11/2016 20:19

I love this thread! Ravenesque I salute you!

Katsite · 10/11/2016 20:21

you all need to adopt the spread-your-leg attitude of some male train commuters and no condensation shall ensue.

Mozartinmyfanjo · 10/11/2016 20:22

How the heck you get your fanjo to steam??Confused

ClopySow · 10/11/2016 20:23

Well you got motzart in yours.

OP posts:
WetsTheFinger · 10/11/2016 20:24

Straddled the weight bench thing at the gym today for a few minutes to catch my breath. Stood up, began to walk away then thought of this thread... Turned around and by Jesus, you could've swum in the snatch swamp left behind. I legged it.

theaveragewife · 10/11/2016 20:26

Mozartinmyfanjo dance a lot in a nightclub - go to toilet, pull underwear down, then sit back quite drunk on a toilet...witness steam Blush

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 10/11/2016 20:27

That's disco clunge!

LetBartletBeBartlet · 10/11/2016 20:37

I thought I was the only one...

fraidknot · 10/11/2016 20:39

Oh God, I get this too! Always try to sit on coat / cardy or do the twist and shuffle and bag onto seat. Surely it's vulva vapour though Grin

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 10/11/2016 20:46

ClopySow Grin
This thread is brilliant

I know the deniers will be checking their chairs for a diamond of doom Wink

ClopySow · 10/11/2016 20:48

Pride comes before a fall and all that.

OP posts:
babybarrister · 10/11/2016 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eviejaye · 10/11/2016 20:55

Cringed when I saw this thread but reading on, realised I knew exactly what you meant. Happens in the gym....and trying to wipe the mark off of some gym equipment is ridiculously hard to do.
By far the worse though, is having sat for a long time at a family naming ceremony, on a plastic chair, in hot sunshine, wearing a plain dress.!!!
Lets just say the evidence was not just on the chair......GROSS!!!

AuntDotsie · 10/11/2016 20:59

I just asked DH if this happens to him, too. He said it does, so...

I have done an Experiment For Science. With a thermometer. I trust I need not explain further.

Turns out my middling nether regions are a hefty 37C. His notcher is 35.6C. So maybe the almost 1.5C difference is why women of hotter persuasions condensate more easily and men are less affected?

woowoowoo · 10/11/2016 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theaveragewife · 10/11/2016 21:04

That's disco clunge!

Grin

I'm sure my ambient temp is way more than 37.5

Zoflorabore · 10/11/2016 21:05

I refuse to be compared to a snail Grin
It is NOT slime. I'm no mathematician but there are more of us on this thread saying they have this then those saying they don't.

Bet you will be checking though...

You aren't a real MNer if you don't admit to having muff mist ( cracking name for a new perfume )

Off to polish my chairs with zoflora, I've just had a moment and my people here understand :)