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Original poster

To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

258 replies

RentANDBills · 26/10/2016 14:20

In very pathetic excited about the new whisk I got today and decided to make some pancakes.

In my enthusiasm I forgot the basic laws of physics and plunged said whisk into a full jug of milk and eggs, plastering myself and the kitchen in mix. Seriously, the place was covered.
Contemplating my choices, I cleared it all up.
This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I then immediately did the exact same thing again. I'm now dripping with eggs, milk and shame wondering why people pay me to look after their children when I clearly need full time supervision myself Blush

please tell me your stupidest stories, I suspect I'm the worlds biggest plonker right now

OP posts:
SlipperyJack · 30/10/2016 21:07

autumn, I nearly drowned. Reckon I'd have been in line for a Darwin Award if I'd actually carked it Grin

I've already posted multiple times on MN about mistaking capsaicin cream (for arthritis relief) for Anusol, in a post-partum haze...

Dragonbait · 30/10/2016 21:17

Was staying at a hotel with the kids. We all had a shower and the bath was filling up and not draining away. Left it an hour and then called reception. They sent a plumber who sorted it. The plug was in!

Original poster
RentANDBills · 30/10/2016 21:29

Some of these have cracked me right up.

When I was about 8 I was in the back of the car whilst my Mum was driving down the motorway. I had a bottle of coke and remembered that something very interesting happens when one shakes coke and then opens it, but couldn't remember exactly what.
Not to be tested on the motorway. We're lucky I didn't cause an accident!

One of DPs:

He grabbed a tin that was in the fire during scouts camp without any protection; he didn't even realise the damage he'd done as it was so bad he didn't even feel it.

OP posts:
MeDented · 30/10/2016 21:36

Spent ages making chicken soup from the carcass of a roast chicken then when it was ready, strained the lot through a sieve & watched my lovely soup go down the plug hole in the sink! I was left with a sieve of bones and boiled veg! Never made chicken soup again

MeDented · 30/10/2016 21:41

I also have a habit of double-crossing my legs when sitting, so they sort of wrapped round twice. New MD at work walked in to office and I stood up to greet him, forgetting my legs were double crossed and fell flat on my face

b0ne · 30/10/2016 22:11

Sprayed perfume on my bits as a child - holy shit, that burned Blush
Fell head first down the stairs into a tube station while drunk. Then-DBf stopped me killing myself.
Got in a dinghy with a kid while on holiday aged 6, as we drifted into the middle of Lake Bala (the deepest lake in the UK?), discovered neither of us could row. A man dived in and swam out to rescue us.
Tried to bring a couple of joints home from the Caribbean for my DB. Only remembered they were in my bag while waiting at the airport of a small, very harsh sentencing country and there's an announcement over the tannoy that they're sending sniffer dogs round. Thought I was going to be sent to prison for a thousand years. Somehow the dog didn't smell the joints (it was too late to ditch them). Fucking idiot

slenderisthenight · 30/10/2016 22:47

Confused thrush cream and cold sore cream. Cold sores were fine. Front bottom not so much...

BillThePony · 30/10/2016 22:51

Left work and got into the back seat of my car, sat there for at least 30 seconds not sure what was going on.

Put the rubbish out only realising on the way back I was wearing just a vest top and knickers

Wanted to pop to local supermarket and picked up rubbish bag to put in wheelie bin, got to coop and realised I was still carrying the stinking black bin bag.

Leaned out of my bedroom window to see what the noise was outside, not remembering I had no top on at all.

Stood on the tube and went to hold DH's hand, wasn't DH but a really confused looking teenage boy

BillThePony · 30/10/2016 22:56

Oh and the time I generously chucked some money in a homeless persons pot, except he wasn't a homeless man he was just a bit tipsy and I had put the money in his coffee

LifeIsGhoulish · 30/10/2016 23:17

I flushed my knockers down the loo this morning.

maggiethemagpie · 30/10/2016 23:20

Without a doubt, allowing my eyebrow waxing lady to do semi permanent eyebrow tattoos. I didnt check her out, just trusted her because she'd done my eyebrows for a while. Massive error of judgement, she tattooed two massive black scouse brows on to my brows, without really checking with me first what i wanted.
I came home and they were HORRIBLE and permanently tattooed on my face, I have never felt so bad. I couldn't sleep for days. Also I was getting married in three months.

Luckily I got it removed with saline( a kind of reverse tattoo) and redone with some one professional so they are fine now.

9troubledwaters · 30/10/2016 23:25

Couldn't find my phone so used 'find my iPhone'

The dinging was loud and nearby but seemed to be anywhere I went in the house...also the sound followed me out to the car Hmm
20 minutes later I realised it was in my fucking back pocket Grin

LifeIsGhoulish · 31/10/2016 00:03

Well it's definitely stupid not proofread!

I flushed my knickers down the loo this morning.

AutumnSunday · 31/10/2016 00:34

Many, many years ago decided I'd try and sort my finances out so I'd 'borrow' a duplicate book from work (I know, I know). I'd list all my outgoings etc

The only way to smuggle it out of work was via Head Office's post, so I put it in the large brown envelope we sent daily. After another busy day I headed home, took the post and only went and posted my smuggled book which was still sitting comfortably inside HO envelope! Only I was completely oblivious as I'd totally forgotten about it!

The next day I arrived at work without a care in the world until I had a phone call from Head Office asking why they had received a duplicate book with a sticker on the front stating 'switch payments etc' - I nearly fell off my chair but managed to bluff my way out of it, told them to post it back.

I never tried to pinch any office supplies again Blush

FuzzyClutter · 31/10/2016 01:27

When I was probably about 9 or 10 I was at my granny's house and she was showing me one of her precious possessions. It was one of those little ceramic things you put in a pie to let the steam out. She was telling me she'd had it for over 50 years, since she'd run hotels.

She passed it to me for a look and for some reason a great plan came into my head. I made a snap decision to throw it up in the air, spin around and catch it again. Why this Suddenly struck me as a good idea I couldn't tell you, I had never even attempted it with any other object. So I lobbed it up in the air, spun around to see it crash to the floor and smash to smithereens, and my gran standing there, gobsmacked. I couldn't even begin to explain to her what had just happened. I'm still not sure myself.

OhSoggyBiscuit · 31/10/2016 03:48

I once decided to make myself pasta for lunch. But instead of getting a pan and boiling it like a sensible person, I didn't want to wait that long. So I put it in the microwave, in a bowl, with no water, for 20 minutes. Went away and came back to the kitchen and living room full of smoke.

And my Dad is infamous for pouring fabric conditioner down the loo to try and clean it once..

9troubledwaters · 31/10/2016 09:02

What happens with the fabric conditioner?

Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden · 31/10/2016 09:14

I was making buns and had put them in the oven. Went to check on them and realised the gas had gone out. So I lit a match and stuck it in the oven. Caused a massive bang and singed of most of my hair. AngryShockConfused

cavefelem · 31/10/2016 10:21

trying to open a door that had stuck, I thought a hefty thwack would help shift it. So it hit it as hard as I could with the heel of my hand. On the glass window part.

I needed several stitches and the scars are still visible 40 years later.

The nice guy in A & E told me I was very, very lucky as I could have severed the tendons in my wrist.

allegretto · 31/10/2016 12:25

I wanted to leave early from a very boring conference that my boss was also at so thought I could sit right at the back and sneak out before the end to catch an earlier train. Things were going fine until I got my foot caught in someone's handbag on the floor, tripped up, fell flat on my face. Everyone looked at me and even the speaker stopped mid-presentation to ask me if I was ok. So much for making a quiet exit!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 31/10/2016 12:39

When I was 9 or 10, I pushed a plug into a socket with the palm of my hand. The socket was switched on. The plug had no back on it.

I can't quite remember what happened but there was a bang and I think I ended up some distance away from the plug.

I never told anyone. Think I was in shock Halloween Blush

SuperFlyHigh · 31/10/2016 12:43

One which I've posted here before involves me in a City bar with friend and her contractor friends. We decided Sambuca shots flavoured with black currant were the way to go... I had 5 inch high suede boots on had had more drink before the Sambuca and was dancing around when I tripped and fell into one of those stupid little seat high glass tables and broke table and lacerated my hand (Palm) on table also bruised ribs badly. I lied to work how I'd done it (friend's house slipped in bathroom)... Because I was too embarrassed to tell the truth! Blush

Last week - at yoga in trendy building in Peckham. Get changed then need toilet, take locker key to toilet place on top of cistern, when flushing toilet hand brushes locker key and sweeps it into toilet too late it's flushed the bloody key! Sad Angry

After yoga 2 men try to open my locker using hairpins, credit cards etc - after 15 minutes they admit defeat and yoga tutor thankfully finally gets hold of owner of building who has a master key! This works... I'm not as embarrassed as I should be really... Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 31/10/2016 12:47

SIL (DB's wife) once slept outside their flat in their car as there was a mouse in the flat!

She also refused to go into sea in France where family holiday home is because my mum told her there were jellyfish there i've never seen them!

Last month in a local park with family's walking past cute ducks etc I see a small furry thing - a rat! I scream like a girl and luckily SIL who's with me says she'd have done the same...

Bluesrunthegame · 31/10/2016 13:04

Just remembered! Was in M&S and found pair of nice knickers, said to DP, who was right behind me, 'Would these drive you wild with desire?' Looked around, it wasn't him but was a complete stranger.

heron98 · 31/10/2016 13:05

Locked my front door when leaving the house and then, for no reason whatsoever, POSTED MY KEYS THROUGH THE LETTER BOX.

I had to sleep on a friend's sofa for three days until my parents, who had a spare set, where back from holiday and could let me in.