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[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

Just one last thing, we are flying chefs in to cater. Two friends are vegetarians and won't eat proper food. I'm not unreasonable to expect them to cater for their own faddy diets am I?

Shirking- I'm glad we've managed to help you avoid the disaster of cheap dresses. You are clearly absolutely right about the vegetarians. This is your wedding and you can't be expected to cater for every whim of every guest. I know you will be on a private island and so there aren't likely to be shops or take-aways available but if they insist on being faddy surely they can bring a few sandwiches or arrange for their own catering to be flown in. After all- it's not like they have any actual allergy or anything is it- they've just chosen to be picky. It's attention seeking behaviour if you ask me. If you do want to be really kind you could have a fish based starter (since everyone knows most vegetarians eat fish and if they don't then they should have specifically told you instead of leaving you to interpret). A nice fishy starter will be more than enough to keep them happy- as everyone knows that vegetarians don't really like food and are all very thin so they probably wouldn't want a main course anyway.

I'm sure you'll have a lovely time. The fact that you are posting to ask for advice on this however shows that you are probably a bit too concerned about what other people think. I think there is more to this than you have posted. Do you have overbearing PILto be or an EA DH to be? Are you focussing on the wedding guests as a way to avoid addressing this?

Gosh, well, I'm not sure that this is the right place for this question, but I'm a little concerned. I've just been told that DD1 (in year1) is currently working at level 4 (old levels)*. What does this mean? Does DD need extra support?

• The new levels just don't provide the same opportunities for stealth boasts, do they? My dc is working at 'greater depth' can't lead to a disingenuous "what does this mean?"

Oh Matilda, it IS such a trial to have a gifted child, isn't it? Of course, the teachers have never seen a child as gifted as mine and they simply don't know what to do with her. I mean, this is a child who could form words at 14 months, and was virtually potty trained by 4. She even did a 3-piece jigsaw once. AND she could recognise certain letters by the age of 5. I'm not being PFB, am I? She is exceptional.

DW punched the waiter in the face when he told her what soup of the day was at lunch today.

The mansplaining twat.

Well I am grateful for your input but not sure how to show it. Not only do I not give hugs in cyberspace, I have never hugged an actual human being for fear of being unmumsnetty.

We plan not to introduce our new baby to the wider family until we've had enough time to bond properly. I've told them they'll have plenty of time to get to know him when they meet him at his investure into the rotary club in 2052.

I glanced out the front window earlier, while checking that none of my neighbours were drying their washing outside their front doors, when I spotted a young woman looking at my house. I immediately went out to see why she was molesting my own dear house with her eyes but she allayed my fears by telling me she was admiring my home.

We got to talking and she admitted that she would love to own a home like mine but can't afford to do so. I decided that this wouldn't do and told her that she can have my house to call her own. I'll find a spot on the local common to pitch my yurt as I feel that I couldn't live with the guilt of owning a home when others are unable to do so. Of course, I'll still pay all the utility bills and fund any improvements and repairs as it's not fair to unload a house on some complete stranger yet expect them to pay anything towards it. I'll be only too happy to lower my carbon footprint in any case.

That was all fabulous of you manor up until the point you told us about it....

Rather boastful of you really. Do you even love your children?

Do you even love your children?

I know you'll all accuse me of stealth-boasting now but I gave my children to a passing Hollywood celebrity. She only had seventeen and felt that my three would round it off nicely. I think I did the right thing as they'll finally be given all that I couldn't provide such as, wealth, fame, a bizarre new name, a lifetime of addiction to prescription drugs as well as an inability to escape the clutches of various woo merchants and assorted human leeches.

There we are with the boastfulness again

squoosh I'm afraid I found that unreadable Please could you put it into proper paragraphs and remove the "text" speak, thanks so much!

Manormouse You both sound lovely

I don't use any toiletries of any description. A flannel and plain recycled rainwater is all it takes to keep clean and groomed. I don't even need toothpaste as I follow a no sugar alkaline diet.

I think it looks better to keep it natural, and I've saved so much money on toiletries that I have been able to fund my dcs private and further education.

However, each to their own is my motto (in Latin, but I thought I should translate). Some people prefer to look fake and send their dcs to sink comprehensives which don't teach Classics, and I'm fine with that.

Aibu I make all of my children's clothes from fair trade fabrics sourced whilst on my gap year. According to my friend I shouldn't keep making more clothes for children and let them whare rags from M&Sarah should I tell her to fuck of?
The same friend also gave my child some wattsits I'm horrified as my little one has never even seen crisps as I grow all my own food and make all my own bread. We don't eat dairy or meat OBVIOUSLY .1
I can hear little chillyegg crying as we speak for more wattsits apparently my once loved homemade tofu slices are no longer a favourite.

Another private or grammar (sorry )

My bright, beautiful, intelligent, popular, polite, funny, musically gifted, sporty, kind, witty, self aware, empathetic, easy going, confident dd needs to chose which secondary school to go to.

She's passed all the entrance exams for all the top private schools within a 15 minute walk of our house (there are 50) and has been offered full bursaries from all of them. In addition the headteacher at our local outstanding grammar school phones me daily asking if dd will go there? He's even offered to pay for all of her uniform and all of her school trips for the entire time she's there plus he'll pay her university fees if she agrees to go to the grammar.

So wise MNetters what WWYD, state or grammar?

Oh and I've asked dd and she's so easy going she said she doesn't mind so she's no help.

Wow. Just.... wow.
(To nobody in particular)

There have been 2 men and woman in a gorilla suit sitting in a Mini Cooper outside my house since 1992.

Dd has always had an interest in the Natural World (obviously), so it was quite lovely to find out she has been given her own slot on Springwatch after she corrected Chris Packham's episode on otters.I did stress slightly about taking her out of nursery, but I think this is such a valuable experience.

DD1 passed her grade 7 piano before I had even conceived her.

To be on the safe side, before we started renovations on our home we bought a small house on the outskirts of the village so the builders can use that lavatory. When work is complete we will turn the house over to the church so that elderly nuns can pass their final years there.

Just Grade 7 Ginslinger? Well, it's nice that you're proud of all her little achievements I suppose...

Yvaine

I've been Marie Kondoing my home this weekend.

Having got rid of everything that doesn't bring me joy, I'm down to a spiralizer and a mooncup.

I Always give clean cups for each drink, I do reuse teabags as that's just logic. I invite Mil to give feedback on how to improve my housekeeping, parenting and wifey skills.
I always cancel my cheques because I'm tight just to be safe. My pug is currently working for NATO whilst dd1 is doing outreach in Birmingham I make sure she has stab vest and rape alarm it's character building and she is 5.
DH washes guests feet as they enter and leave and I give reflexology to ensure good zen. We have 2 DW's 1 for dishes and 1 for bones/toilet seats and potties.

A mum with a buggy got on the bus today, so I made all the other passengers, including two using wheelchairs, get off to give her space.

I was in the local swimming pool, breastfeeding my 5 year old DTs (feeding was helping to bring on my contractions), when I asked to leave the pool!

"No!" I said - it being a complete sentence. How could I leave the pool? The baby's head was already out, and I just needed one more push for the shoulders. A water birth is so natural, I just don't understand why anybody would object. The wave machine was off FFS!

I had been hoping that the poolside cafe would cook the placenta for lunch - so nutritious. But I ended up so upset I left early in tears with the cord dangling between my legs. Should I sue? Or phone 101?