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406 replies

DeadAsADildo · 13/05/2016 21:59

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 16/05/2016 11:23

Who are Mr Tumble and Bing? Ah yes, Tweeter, I'm sure it's exhausting for you. Have a large Wine

sleeponeday · 16/05/2016 11:33

Who are Mr Tumble and Bing?

Oh, you don't volunteer at the local school?

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 16/05/2016 11:37

Sleep your DC sounds lovely - but, and I don't mean this to be rude in any way, not really exceptional. Just enjoy him.

coffeeisnectar · 16/05/2016 11:42

Today I'm having to find suitable temporary replacements for the au pair, housekeeper and gardener for a month as they are all off on their annual all expenses paid holiday to Maui. We treat the staff to this every year, we have a small six bedroom, five bathroom, olympic pool house over there so it's just flights and a few thousand in spending money.

But finding replacement staff is so tricky. It's very tiresome indeed.

saffronwblue · 16/05/2016 11:46

I am not jealous, after all it's me he's married to.

Thank you for your concern, Zaza, I am proud of the amount of time that DH spends with his supermodel friend as it shows the world what a great relationship we have. plus he often sends postcards from their tropical island holidays and I have a nice collection now

You seem to keep a lot of track of how much time your DH spends with his friend. You do realise that this sort of insecurity is very unbecoming, don't you? In a truly great relationship you never need to know where the other person is, who they are with and what date time they will return.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 16/05/2016 11:55

There are some corkers on here - setting the alarm so you can wake up in fresh bedding, 'snapshot of her day' and the supermodel best friend whom DH actually lives with are absolute gems Grin

PaulineFowlersGrowler · 16/05/2016 11:55

My twins Kale and Quinoa have been vegan since birth, refusing to breastfeed. They will only drink organic, cruelty free, artisan almond milk made from free range almonds. They are on the 3rd percentile which my idiotic health visitor thinks is a problem but I TOLD her the percentiles are wrong and everyone else's kids are obese. I could just cry for those obese children......

MargaretCavendish · 16/05/2016 11:59

Zaza and Saffron: ooh, I don't know, sounds a bit odd all this 'female friend' business to me. Not because I'm jealous - heaven forfend! - but because haven't we all noticed that women are dreadful, bitchy, harpies? Can you even be 'friends' with women? I for one ensure to never make female friends, and DH of course does the same: after all, he's already married to the one woman who doesn't get involved in cliques and bitching! We both prefer male friends - they're just so much more straightforward, y'know

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 16/05/2016 12:07

Cry for them? I pay for the whole family to have a chef to cook and serve organic, vegan food in carefully measured out portions so they can lose weight. I mean, you can't expect people to take responsibility for themselves can you! Failing that it's gastric bands all round for those who choose.

ZaZathecat · 16/05/2016 12:18

Saffron you couldn't be further from the truth. I don't know where dh is now , I haven't seen or spoken to him for 4 months and have no idea when I will see him next. That is tge strength of our love.

treaclesoda · 16/05/2016 12:19

I'm surprised you even notice that your husband has female friends. That's really quite offensive. In our family everyone is gender neutral. I have no idea what sex anyone is and I don't care to ask.

ZaZathecat · 16/05/2016 12:20

Oops shouldn't have posted while breastfeeding the triplets - 'the' not 'tge'!

QuimReaper · 16/05/2016 12:29

That's nice, dear.

Shirkingfromhome · 16/05/2016 12:30

My friends are being utterly unreasonable. DP and I are getting married in August. We've gone to the trouble of hiring a small island off the coast of Fiji for 500 of our closest friends and family. We were engaged in May and are getting married in August, so it's ample notice (three months). It's a 36 hr flight and two boat crossings so we thought it would be best if we didn't invite any children. We are planning to have a week of celebrations.

I'm utterly flabbergasted that my friends and family are saying they can't make it as it's too expensive and too short notice. I'm beginning to think the real reason they are making excuses is because they don't like my DP. Two bridesmaids were incredibly ungrateful when I said they could choose (and pay for) their own dress, hair and makeup. I'm so frustrated I'm thinking of cancelling the Hawaii hen-do in June to snap some sense into my friends.

vladthedisorganised · 16/05/2016 12:36

This is brilliant.
My 10 year old had no idea he had exams last week. In fact, the only thing he remarked on was that the work was markedly easier than he is used to. He finished so early that he used the remaining time to be mindful about the obese screen-addicted children with pushy parents at underperforming schools who might have felt stressed by the exam.

His six year old brother will be performing Yogic Flying during the phonics screening check: we agreed that this will not only challenge him appropriately as he already has a reading age of 25, but will send a positive, calming aura to the lesser children.

For some reason his teacher seemed to have reservations about that, but I think it's because she doesn't have a clean diet.

rogueantimatter · 16/05/2016 12:38

It's great that posters are thoughtful enough to treat everyone as gender neutral. Tbh I prefer not to be speciesist. It subconsciously discriminates against all other organisms. I don't tick any of the gender boxes on forms but cross them out and write 'Organism, connected with all other beings'.

We're vegans but I used to feel bad about eating root vegetables and thereby killing the plant, but now that we use our own faecal waste as manure I feel re-connected with the biosphere again. Nutrient levels of our crops are also higher than 'standard' organic produce but I don't mind the DC eating food we haven't grown ourselves sometimes. I wouldn't want to be a fanatic .

CuntTrollingRs · 16/05/2016 12:44

Rogue, your post really resonates with me.

After all, we are all just bundles of energy, subatomic particles and dark matter. I learnt that on the OU course DD was doing last year to stretch her before starting school.

Some of us are just blessed to be more in synch than others.

vladthedisorganised · 16/05/2016 12:49

Thank you Rogue.

I identify as a potato and have encouraged DCs to do the same - people don't really understand how hurtful it is on so many levels when I see their DCs eating chips [shocked]

PurpleDaisies · 16/05/2016 12:53

I identify as a potato and have encouraged DCs to do the same

You absolutely shouldn't be doing this. What if they want to identify as other vegetables? Don't you know you're stifling their freedom to be whatever they want to be?

chunkymum1 · 16/05/2016 13:02

Shirking- you poor thing. I think if these people are your true friends they will see that it's your wedding and important that you have it the way that you want it. I'm sure they will come round- perhaps you should some sort of additional pre-wedding get together to remind everyone what a lovely person and good friend you are. As you say, you've got 3 months before the big day so plenty of time for everyone to travel to an extra gathering as well as hen/stag events.

Having said that, is it possible that some of your guests/bridesmaids really can't afford to pay the full cost of the celebrations? Obviously you could have avoided this problem if you were more discerning about who you and your OH mix with. But if you really do have friends who are not as wealthy as you (maybe they do lots of volunteer work instead of having a high flying job so are poor but not too rough) have you thought about splitting the cost of the Island and the travel differently? Maybe you could book all the flights together (you might be able to negotiate a discount that way) then 'sell' seats on to your guests. You can then make a decision about how much to charge each guest that is fair to all of them (for example- people who you have known longest can pay more as they have had the benefit of your friendship for longer, people who have children could pay more since they can clearly afford nurseries etc so have plenty of cash and will be grateful for a week without the kids).

If those with children really refuse to come without them could you provide a nanny for the week or invite them to bring grandparents to watch the DC? I'm sure you could find a local teenager who would come along for a few quid and the parents would be more than happy to leave him/her in charge. Otherwise surely if you invite the grandparents (on the clear basis that they are not invited to take part in any of the wedding activities so they won't get in the way) I'm sure they'd all love to come along. This could help with the cost issue too as they can be charged in full for their travel and board (since they are retired and will not have a mortgage to pay for they will easily be able to afford it and it will be the holiday of a lifetime for them as they will have the GC).

The only part of your post that I think was a bit unreasonable was the idea that you are going to let the bridesmaids choose their own dresses. Have you thought this through? What if they go with something cheap and nasty? It's fine to make them pay (after all- they will be getting a lovely made to measure dress that they get to keep and can dress down with clever use of jewellery and shoes to wear for other occasions) but shouldn't you choose the dresses?

Best of luck- and don't forget to include a lovely poem asking for cash when you send our the invitations- wouldn't want to end up with loads of dodgy homewear would you:)

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/05/2016 13:05

I'm having a shit right now, but pop the kettle on and I'll be there in a mo!

Literally 😂😂😂😂😂

pinkism · 16/05/2016 13:05

My child personally set up a petition against a possible greggs opening locally.
He handed out organic gluten free vegan falafels to supporters that he made himself using ancient grains

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 16/05/2016 13:11

Whilst I empathise with parents whose babies don't sleep much, it really comes down to how you approach pregnancy. I put headphones on my tummy and played classical music (mainly Bach) during pregnancy and my perfect DD arrived and slept 7-7 from day 1 and carried on doing this. DD now loves to change her own sheets and duvet every other day whilst listening to Radio 3.

MrJones1977 · 16/05/2016 13:11

I don't take my children to McDonalds

treaclesoda · 16/05/2016 13:14

Bach you say? Well, that's a very regimented and technical style of music. We're free spirits in this house so we much prefer some avant guard 20th century Russian music, and it goes so well with DD's Russian literature studies. I think it's important to really absorb yourself in a country's culture when you're learning the language, it's the least you can do.

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