Mumsnet Top Trumps

[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

I'll do another just to get the smug ball rolling

In fact my 10 year old has never even heard of Coke.

I thought you were going to suggest categories and values for your own card if you were part of a Mumsnet set of Top Trumps.

Like this - out of 100

BADLAD

Goadiness - 74
Mumsnet Royalty - 04
Ego - 92
Feminism - 36
LTB - 18
Loo Brush Usage - 46
Entitled Behaviour - 69

Make that Goady Fuckery, not Goadiness.

My five yr old is at a red.brick university.

Mine teaches at a university.

He built the university himself too.

My children have never heard of Coke to the point that they don't even have any concept of bubbles.

My children don't even know what a screen is, they only read books we have approved beforehand!

What's Coke?

My teenagers only drink breastmilk from source

My child is graduating from lentil weaving class on Tuesday.

My child has been invited to six parties this weekend but can only go to three because she has her grade 16 harpsichord exam and advanced Flemish lesson to go.

My child has never slept a wink in his life.

I have called 101 so many times about nothing that I've been given an official caution.

I cancelled the cheque before the bride even sent me the cheeky email.

My children have never been to Macdonalds, KFC or Greggs.

My children translate books from French into English so their friends can enjoy them.

My children illustrate the books they write themselves.

I've been no contact with my entire narcissistic family since before I was born.

I went NC with my PILs after my MIL asked permission to hold her 3-month-old grandchild for the first time.

Pushy, controlling mare.

My birth plan was followed to the letter and I banned all family contact for the following two weeks.

And I haven't bought a travel system

My two year old can recite the entire alphabet

My three year old not only writes her name, but can correct my spelling.

My six month old sleeps through the night.

My three year old eats Brie, sushi and artichokes. In fact, they recently asked for sashimi. With pickles.

My two year old will only listen to Radio 3 and 4. No telly.

All because I am an incredible mother. Of course.

I dumped my boyfriend when his mother asked me my name.

She has no boundaries

Well I wouldn't let my dcs touch dairy.

Badlad I think that could work, too

My children faint every time we pass a Greggs.

I'm astonished you have a Greggs in your town.

My 11 month old only listens to Classic FM and has recently started singing opera granted it's usually at 5 in the morning