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[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

I'll send you the wrinkle-care cream I use.

I'm 74, but still get asked for ID when buying booze. Tried to buy fags yesterday, but was told " What would Mum and Dad say?"

Kicking a ball with DS in the park, a United scout asked both of us to come for trials.

I knew PIL's were going to be trouble when MIL wanted to have us round for dinner - they only have a 3-bed semi-detached and they shop at Sainsburys for goodness sake. So I made DH disown them and had a new birth certificate drawn up with new parents I'd selected for him. Apparently it's 'not legal' but I can't help it if I'm ahead of the law. We now refer to original PIL's as birth-FIL and birth-MIL. New PIL's are divine, they won't even speak to DH unless they've run the conversation past me first.

*Newstickers
*
It is 10 years since my last lactation but I'd love to try some.

But only if you eat a clean, organic, non GM, diet of course.

Do PM me.

dead I'll pm you. Rest assured, I eat clean. I also keep lactating for the health benefits for me and others. Last week I saw a mother bottle feeding her baby in the park so I clutched it to my breast and gave it a dose of the good stuff. The mother tried to thank me but I couldn't understand her accent.

So as not to leave anyone out, we invite every child in the surrounding counties to our dc's birthday parties. We also provide different buffet tables for each individual social class. We donate all gifts to the shoe box appeal.

Same here, even the boy who shot DS once, and is now doing time for it.

Not inviting him would be bullying and wed be as bad as him.

My 5yo does not want to go to McDonalds, not so much because there is no Paleo option on the menu, but more because the Happy Meal toys are not wooden.

I've had a long discussion with Tarvin and Sybil about titles recently. Obviously, I'm quite pleased that they show such a keen interest into where the family titles come from but they're also very considerate and did not want to offend their little village private school chums who are only plain Miss or Master. Of course, they generally socialise with more appropriate colleagues but allowing them to sample the life of others is so enlightening.

And it's not as if they go to said school! No, that's why I completed my third PhD from Oxford whilst on maternity leave so I could fully instruct them. I do think it has paid off although Tarky is a little slow, bless him - obviously got his mother's brains! - and only completed his A levels when he was 12. Sybil is far more like her father and was 9. But we don't constrain them to the curriculum - they just happen to be fascinated by it.

Tarquin obviously...

Quite, Bad, it's possible that he was also shot, so it's not his fault.

I banned my dd from speaking to a child at school because he lives in social housing

My cats are trained to only toilet in our garden. They don't even walk across anyone else's front lawn. They are the most well behaved cats in the neighbourhood.

My 10 year old has her A level exams starting next week. She could have taken them two years ago but I thought it was best to hold her back so she had time to socialise with her own age group. There's nothing better than seeing a group of 8 year old children playing lawn bowls together.

We take term time holidays, but they are educational. Our youngest can order a beer and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc in five languages.

Only 75 meals!?
I'm still using a chicken from 1982.

We take term time holidays, but they are educational. Our youngest can order a beer and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc in five languages.

Just the four for my youngest (Hittite, Sanskrit, Greek and Latin).

Our youngest usually orders the beer and Sauvignon to be delivered to the homeless people outside.

My children have never eaten sugar or carbs. They exclusively eat avocado as a treat.

I bottled fed my newborn full sugar coca cola and fruit shoots. My dc were weaned on pureed greggs sausage rolls !
Think I may have lost this game

I've just left my husband after he sighed when I put on Coronation Street
Can't be doing with controlling behaviour like that

Call 101 and get it logged.

DD is interning at the Fat Duck, even though she's vegan, mainly because she summers with the nice oligarch's children next door and they let her pad the bills. Meanwhile DW and are rewriting our wills to exclude our niece who was seen eating own-brand digestive biscuits in a non-ironic fashion recently. MIL continues to make a fair bit of noise, but we'll soundproof the coal cellar before her next visit.

this is hilarious.

I judge people by their children's names

It's served me well

DC1 may not even be born yet, but I can tell that it's very advanced for its age.

Llama slams down an three aces! She wins!

I caught Tarquin packing a shiv to go back to boarding school with. The blade was sharpened flint, the handle was oak wrapped in aged leather. He'd bound it together in sticky tape.

I am so ashamed, I don't know where we've gone wrong with this child. I don't understand his choices. He knows we've a supply of reclaimed twine in the craft room. He knows it! He knows his knots too, thanks to a summer of yachting on the Med. I'm not sure what he imagined the other children would think when he tried to cut them with a sticky taped (not even branded sticky tape!!!) weapon. What was he thinking? I don't think he was thinking at all.