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[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

The refugees we let live in our garden bought us Grand Theft Auto as a thank you gift, but DS (2) declined, saying he won't have it in the house. They swapped it for Minecraft, but he declined that too, saying he doesn't agree with screen time.

WWYD
The dc have mentioned that their hand woven alpaca underwear is becoming uncomfortable in the warmer weather. I tried to spin the yarn as fine as possible but to no avail. It apears to be impossible to grow cotton in this country and I've been unable to find a reliable supplier of silk worms.
WIBU to put them in underwear I have purchased? Obviously organic and ethically sourced.
I would be upset of course as I like to make all their clothes from scratch.

My NDN has just bought a 100" TV, as if his goat eating my begonias weren't bad enough.
Obviously I now have to move house because that is the easiest solution.

I can't decide if I should buy this

Upper Phillimore Gardens, London, W8
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-53787955.html

or this

Knightsbridge, London, SW1X
www.rightmove.co.uk/new-homes-for-sale/property-41117193.html

for my DDs 21st? It's so hard to find a decent sized house on an average salary in London these days.

As I was leaving Waitrose this morning, I noticed a woman shouting at her toddler after he'd picked up a half chewed sweet off the floor.

Instead of judging her for her Matalan leggings and tunic top combo, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided to help.

I went over and offered her a shoulder to cry on and gave little Jayden a packet of organic, quinoa infused, gluten and dairy free, 98% cocoa content, chocolate buttons.

She looked so thankful that I'd taken a moment to help her, while we chatted I discovered she lived in...social housing. Even though I was concerned for my personal safety, I pretended to listen some more as she told me she was having a terrible day and was down to her last five pounds.

I gave her some very good advice about roast chicken, hedgerow fruits and organic lentils.

I think it's fallen on deaf ears, she looked a little confused as I backed slowly away, smiling politely and ushering Thaddeus back into his rear facing car seat (he's 19, but One must not compromise car safety).

I feel completely balanced. My good deed for the day achieved, time for a glass of homemade lemonade and a celery stock.

*stick

My dog has never so much as sniffed at a person and if he did I would go NC with him.

I only ever drink alcohol at xmas and even then I literally have one sip of champagne for a toast, then I will pour it down the sink.

I am sorry BrianCox but am I to understand that you don't use your leftover celery for stock?
We quite often have a good celery stock for tea with our quinoa. It gets soaked up in my daughter Apples organic homemade rice cake beautifully.

Our invitation to the Palace arrived this morning. I am slightly disappointed that it's one of the lesser Royals in attendance although DP will be meeting him. Never mind, I shall still enjoy my champagne actually a true story

Dead.. It obviously needs to be the first choice, the latter is so tactless putting the actual price for all to see. Wealth whispers don't you know.

Does anyone else need to lose a stone before the summer hols?

I'm huge at 9st (5'9) since I had the twins last month and I'm struggling to fit into my triathlon suit. I'm breastfeeding my toddler, too.

My children have never met a child whose first name begins with the letter K.

Well, a male child that is.

*Marmalade
*
I did wonder, when I saw the price, how vulgar. They probably sit out in their front garden, too.

Not only do I allow my seven year old son to wear a dress to school, I actually don't allow trousers or dresses in the house.

I simply have a range of organic, home-woven fabrics in an array of naturally-dyed colours that the children are free to wind around themselves in any way that they feel expresses their innermost feelings at any given time.

In the summertime, I allow my children to run around naked in the park. Well, when I say run, I actually mean take part in interpretative dance on the theme of 'summer'.

Dead, a shiver just ran down my spine. They probably have toilet brushes too.

Oh sorry, Marmalade, I assumed it would be obvious that I do use my celery for stock. Along with the carcass of the turkey for Christmas 2014 that we finished last week.

Oh Brian, I am afraid I simply would never touch anything as vulgar as the carcass. We are of course, air vegans where we only eat items that have self planted seed via wind. One can truly tell the difference between that and farm grown vegetables.

Toilet brushes? What are those? In fact, what is a toilet? Is it like a lavatory?

I only get around to cleaning the bathroom once I've changed the bed. It's jolly hard work actually, because of course, this must be done every day. Except for in the summer, that is, when I set an alarm to go off at 3am so I can get up in the night and put on fresh bedding. One simply cannot sleep in filth.

Of course, I never use fabric conditioner, so at 3:10 am on summer mornings you will find me in the garden picking fresh lavender out of the herb garden, which I then squeeze the essential oils out of so I can add it to the laundry for that Provencal aroma.

Now, for the sake of the environment I do not have a tumble dryer, but standards won't allow me to have washing hanging up outside at night being darked on, so I set another alarm for sunrise so that I can get my washing on the line as soon as it's light.

I haven't had sex for five years with all this nocturnal hop-ha, but that's fine because it makes the sheets easier to wash and DH never complains.

Hoo-ha. My apologies.

Oh I don't touch it, silly!

My aupair/personal chef/housekeeper/PA does that.

Oh, you have staff?

How bourgeois.

Still, if you can live with the guilt...

I only charge my tenants a peppercorn rent, I also clean the flat for them and cook them a roast dinner every sunday

I actually pay my tenants to live in the flat.

I also buy all their clothes and send round an Ocado delivery every week.

It's the least one can do.

gosh Yvaine now I'm so at my miserably low score in the landlord philanthropist stakes

I'll just have to buy a plot of land, find my ladders and cement mixer and get to work with my trowel and hod, build a house for my tenants cousins to live in for free