My colleague has thrown my lunch in the bin

[DidYouBINmysushiyouTWAT]

What is the correct etiquette please?

You need not quote directly from Debretts.

If I weren't in the queue for the soggy salmonella sarnies left in Tescos- I'd write a longer OP.

Part Two here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a2631196-My-colleague-has-twat-me-over-the-head-with-a-courgette - edited by MNHQ

Superglue her shopping to the fridge shelves...

Do that. The carrier bags would be stuck and she'd have to find other bags to take her shopping home in, but it wouldn't spoil her food or anything so you probably wouldn't get into much trouble.

Never have so many random strangers on the t'internet been so invested in someone else's sushi.

This is the best thread ever.

@winningticketholder

This is going into classics right? I am hooked!

We're moving it over now.

What if you bought a nice big chain & chained it closed after work ??? deny it was you obviously !!! Monday her shopping will have to sit out all day !
leave a note. "in view of flagrant abuse of communal fridge use.
fridge will be out of use, until lesson has been learned"

She might think twice about doing it again....

After she leaves for the day, take the fridge. The whole fridge and hide it somewhere secret.

I hated my boss's secretary. No one crossed her and nervously laughed her petty spite off as 'just Doris's way' but he was a massive cunt and she lurked like a gibbering familiar under his Cloak of Cuntdom, darting out occasionally to jab you with a poisoned skewer. That made her worse than him in my book.

If we'd have had a fridge, Doris would have been a cunt about it.

We have a lunchtime shopper, shops only at the nearby Twatrose and gets annoyed if there's other stuff in the small fridge. Tries to persuade you to finish up what you have in the fridge to clear space for the various chilled goods which will be used for her evening meal ( no I don't want a second yoghurt today thanks !).

Did I mention she is 48 and unmarried ? There's a reason for that, incredibly self-centred.

Ok here goes:
Get a freezer bag
Go to tesco/any generic shop browse reduced section for fish, prawns,smelly cheese.
Put food in freezer bag, leave outside for a week overnight
Take to work and sellotape each item to her shopping individual prawns on yoghurt
Sit back and smile.
Not an over disguised place mark honest

Can you stick one of these on the fridge and pretend it is someone from health and safety?

I have the loved the poems.Who knew Mumsnet had such evil geniuses at work.

"one of these "

??

One of whhaaaaaaattt!?!!!!

Daily Mail won't want this - they can only handle so many CUNTS

I will collate suggestions from here, create a pivot chart and do my best for you all on Monday
i.e Hide in the kitchen a lot and avoid my internal messaging system

Did I mention she is 48 and unmarried ? There's a reason for that, incredibly self-centred.

Do you want to live to be older than 48?

I think someone should kidnap the fridge. Take picture of it with blindfold and tomorrow's paper and send random note.

Ha! This thread just keeps on giving. ITbitch would not be up for lifting anything heavier than a ream of paper :-D

My friend and I have commandeered the salad drawer in the communal fridge as no one else seems to think of using it, and it means our food is safely hidden away from lunch thieves and fridge rulers.

We have someone who uses everyone else condiments and puts the empty jars/ bottles back in the fridge. We also have someone who brings rice to work most days, still hot as they've cooked it that morning (?!) leaves it on the side in a sealed Tupperware so it's all condensationy (swarming with bacteria) doesn't come and eat it at lunch time so it stays on the side for a few more days until it suddenly disappears!

People are so weird about food. Never once have I looked in the communal fridge and thought "oh that food that I didn't bring in and someone else will be looking forward to eating looks good, I'll have that" but people's food does get eaten on occasion.

Could you slip random shit into her shopping that might potentially end up with her having to answer difficult questions at home? A packet of condoms or a pregnancy test?

Could you invest in some biohazard tape and stick on a condemned sign? Then when someone finally opens it have a little gravestone with 'here lies the spirit of communal space sharing' on it?

We never had a fridge war but we had many battles during the Great Dishwasher Wars in the early part of this century.
As we used our cups during the day, we were expected to wash them after use and at the end of the day load them into the dishwasher. The PA to the Director then would turn it on before she left and empty it first thing in the morning.
The sales dept had their own kitchen but no dishwasher. They were a load of lazy dirty gits and their kitchen was rank. Full of dirty cups and plates. They then had the bright idea of using our kitchen , nicking our clean cups and then the real war began.......
The dirty bastards would load their dirty cups in the unemptied dishwasher, dripping dirty slops over our spanking shiny clean cups.
Memos were exchanged. Spiteful nasty words were bandied about between our departments. Words that can never be taken back. There was bloodshed.... I might be going too far with this battle analogy....
Anyway, the sales manager and his asst manager were floored by their director for mainly being dirty buggers and for upsetting his. PA. but mainly for upsetting his PA.

As a former ITBitch, may I recommend bringing in a cool bag with ice packs and removing a pertinent large item of shopping. Let's suggest the organise free range and corn fed chicken. I would hide the chicken in the server room within the cool bag and then photoshop the chicken in front of the Taj Mahal, Hollywood sign (with photoshopped raybans) plus a staged pic of the chicken sabotaging the fridge thermostat. I would then send her the pics from a temp or spoofed email address, let's suggest her own, just to regale her with the chickens quest for freedom. If ITBitch has the time, a blog could even be set up.

Just make sure the chicken makes it back home to the communal fridge before her home time. A chicken needs to rest too.

*organic. I would however pay money to see an organised chicken not made from Aardman play doh.

On a serious not, Who cleans the fridge?

I think I would be asking the Manager for a weekly supply (minimum 84) anti baca wipes and rubber gloves to tackle the germs she is providing every day!

This may be useful!

My brother had a problem with someone in the office stealing his homemade cakes and deserts. Sometimes slices, sometimes whole cakes, made to order for friends or colleagues.
Anyway, it got to the point he was so totally annoyed about it, he took drastic action. He made a whole chocolate cake and left it in the kitchen as usual. He had swapped the chocolate for chocolate laxatives.
The whole cake was stolen. On the Monday morning a colleague was complaining her and family had the shits all weekend. My brother said they exchanged frosty looks to one another for a long time after that.