That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

I popped into the polish shop across the road and saw some really lovely looking apples in there (i normally buy fruit and veg at aldi but thought wth), 3 apples price £2.19 . There was no sign next to them so i only realised their cost when i was at the counter, and was too bloody embarrassed to question it. Got home and one of them was rotten inside (perfectly fine outside) so i paid £2.19 for 2 apples. Instead of complaining i just sucked it up like a sucker.

Wasn't brave enough to share this yesterday, but here goes.

Some years ago a colleague (partner organisation) whom I see maybe once or twice a year congratulated me on my pregnancy. I wasn't pregnant, I'm just fat. Rather than embarrass him by pointing this out I accepted his congratulations. Consequently, he now thinks I have 3 children, rather than the 2 I do have. Worse still he asks after them all, so my lie has grown over the years. 'Youngest' is now a 3 year old boy with a name and age (which I find it hard to keep track of). I live in dread of meeting him round town when I'm with my family. Husband thinks this is hilarious, ditto one colleague who witnessed one of these catch up sessions and I can't think of any way to come clean that doesn't make me look totally insane

I just hope he'll move away some day

BarbarianMum, you did the right British thing. Nods sagely

A few weeks ago, I bumped into a casual acquaintance who immediately pointed at my large stomach and asked if I was pregnant. Every instinct was telling me to say yes and deal with the burden of an invented child for the rest of my days. Unfortunately I was with relatives whom I knew would be beside themselves with joy if I announced a pregnancy (and probably initially annoyed they were finding out from a stranger on the street) so I had to be honest and told her no, I have just put on a lot of weight since we last saw each other. She was mortified, I was embarrassed. There was a long silence. Then we went our separate ways.

The thing is, I feel terrible for embarrassing her. It would have been so much easier to play along, invent a child and keep everyone happy. It is the British way.

Haha everysecond!!
When I was 15 I stayed with my French penpal and needed a wee in the middle of the night. The toilet was downstairs but their big fuckoff dog was in front of the door, growling every time I stepped near. So I went back up took my lunchbox from the cupboard and pissed in it. I then had to empty it of course, so I tipped it out of the window, almost showering penpals dad who was having a fag below ( up early as he was a farmer). Le oops

A few years back my husband and I, and BIL all worked for the same employer. I was sitting with a colleague waiting to go into a v serious and important meeting, I was really nervous and distracted, running over what I needed to remember in my head.
Up comes a manager from another department, really lovely man, he says "Ahh Beige hello, you're *Chris' wife aren't you?" I was a bit confused and wondered how he knew me at all, he was v senior and I wasn't.
Instead of saying "No, no I'm *Dave's wife, Chris' brother who works in X dept." Instead I smiled like a goon and nodded and said YES I was Chris' wife.

A lovely conversation ensued about Chris and the kids, work, the price of blooming fish... Meanwhile my colleague sat next to me watching it, all confused.

I was cringing as he cheerfully said goodbye and went back to his office, which he shared with Chris, to no doubt tell Chris about how he'd just met his wife in the corridor.

BIL has never said anything, and neither have I. He's a nice bloke, but I don't want to be his wife.

There's an elderly lady at church who calls me Anne (not my name). For some reason I thought it was easier to tell other people to call me Anne in her presence rather than correct her.

When I was 22, I had a one night stand. The lad still lived with his dad. In the middle of the night, I went to the loo which didn't have a lock on it. I had just finished and noticed the door starting to open. I jumped up and grabbed the door then held on to it so the dad couldn't open it. We must've spent about 2 minutes having this weird tug of war with the bathroom door. Eventually he just gave up and went back to bed muttering to himself. Neither of us said a single word. I sneaked back into the lad's bedroom and got dressed and sneaked out of the house without saying goodbye. I subsequently avoided all calls and texts from him and he gave up after a week or so. The thing is we got on really well and I could have seen things developing into a relationship. However, I just couldn't talk to him about my early morning bathroom rendez vous with his dad.

This thread is brilliant

Mine isn't very exciting but is British enough I think.

At DH's Christmas work do the new girl was very proud of how she was settling in and after many drinks said how pleased she was that she'd finally got their hot drinks right. She then went round the table telling everyone how they like them. Gets to DH and says "coffee, no milk, one sugar because you don't like it too sweet". I whisper to DH, "I thought you like it with 1 1/2 sugar?" at which point his face gives away that he really doesn't like his coffee too sweet and I've been getting it all wrong. For 10 years

I'm pretty bad at this once ruled out a church as my new regular one because someone misheard my name & I couldn't correct her but DH is jaw-droppingly polite. Every time we saw FIL for about 2 years he'd tell us about a situation in their village, who'd said what, why he thought they were wrong, etc. Every time there would be a small development to update us on but FIL seemed to forget he'd told us any of it & start right from the beginning. DH would nod along as if it were all entirely new information so I felt rude interrupting. I once asked DH why he didn't just say something like "yes, last time we saw you X had happened, what's been going on since?" & he said he didn't know! It just seems to be the thing to do in their family once FIL starts talking to just nod along without commenting or asking questions.

The meat-eating vegetarians are reminding me of the episode of Friends where Phoebe meets Mike's parents. Couldn't find a clip but did find the script...

Phoebe: Oh God! Is that veal?

Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.

Bitsy: Oh!

Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...

Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...

Phoebe: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... (she cuts the meat, picks it up with her fork and holds it in front of her mouth, which she keeps closed, trying to overcome her vegetarian thoughts... and... puts it in her mouth... Clearly not enjoying the meat...) Hmmm... yummy (everybody seems okay with it, except Mike. He's making a hmmmm.... face... Then Phoebe swallows it) Hmmm... (at first she likes it, but then, in an instant puts her hand in front of her mouth and runs from the table. You hear a door slamming.)

I think of that scene regularly when at PILs. They'd distinctly more upper-middle-class than me & I only eat chicken & fish but they like a much greater variety of meat. To her credit, MIL did try for the first few years but seems to have given up now. I just insist I have a small appetite & take a suitcase full of snacks. I think she's knows this.

Barbarianmum, your post made me snort in the middle of the night

OK this one has to take the biscuit for the most ridiculous politeness and I feel embarrassed typing it:

I once was throwing a party and was giving an invitee directions to it. He was a black man and the directions involved turning by a place that had "black" in the title and could easily be construed as slightly racist. I couldn't bring myself to say what I had easily said to all the other invitees and went bright red trying to describe where this place was without saying its name.

The party went off brilliantly but he turned up two hours late because he'd gotten lost

My neighbour calls me by my daughters name, it's been 3 years...

I've another one - posted way back at the start before this happened.

Saw my Aunt who is recovering from cancer and we were discussing her treatment. I said 'so, are they doing watch and wait?' She looked a bit taken aback and then started talking about how she's just going to eat heathily etc. I now realise she thinks I've told her to watch her weight but instead of correcting her, out of politeness, I let her carry on talking and leave her thinking I'm a bit of a rude cow!

I was covering in a branch Library one day when the ex-husband of an aunt came in and "recognised" me. Unfortunately he mistook me for my own non-existant daughter. I had to listen to a whole converstaion about how wild my "mother" had been as a teenager, and what a disapointment she'd been to her mother. How much worry she'd caused to the family, and finally, how glad he was to see that I had a nice sensible career and didn't take after her. I didn't correct him.

The really odd thing about the whole incident was that I only had one child at the time, a boy who shared this man's birthday.

I went to a party as a child where they served fish fingers, chips and beans. I hated all three but didn't want to be rude so I hid my plate amongst a load of pot plants. You had to take your plate to the mum to get pudding, so I didn't get any of that either.

I went home starving and was too scared to tell my parents what had happened as they might have thought me rude. So I went to bed very hungry that night.

I think I've posted about this before but I was on a bus once and sat next to an older lady who assumed I was pregnant. It must have been the swing style of my coat that was unflattering as I was only a size 10 at the time. She even asked if it was going to be a Christmas baby, in December, so apparently I didn't just look pregnant but practically full term! I was mortified but didn't want to embarrass her by saying I wasn't so went along with it and spent the rest of the journey having an excruciatingly awkward conversation about due dates, baby names etc and then dreaded seeing her again. I've always felt that was terribly British of me!

I just read through this whole thread again and it still makes me howl. I have another predicament now. I have known DD's best friend's mum for about two years. I don't know her name. I've left it too long to ask. DD is useless when I've asked her to find out (in fairness, she is 6 and not cut out for any kind of reconnaissance work). I know other people who know her, but they are very friendly with her and I feel like if I asked them they would find it hilarious and tell her.

Not sure this the same thing, but as it happened while reading a threat about British politeness... Someone I've never spoken to before just called me at work for some information. I gave it to them and we both ended the conversation with the same words in perfect unison:
"Thanks Very Much. Cheers. Thanks. Bye."

A few years ago at a family BBQ a family friend I see a few times a year came up to me:
Them: I didn’t realise you worked in JD Sports
Me: Eh?
Them: I saw you in there a few weeks ago?
Me: It wasn’t me, I don’t work there.
Them: I was talking to you for a good 10 minutes!
(I also nearly got turned away from a club for causing trouble the week before, when I hadn’t been there, so I’m convinced I have a doppelganger in this town somewhere!)

Also one of my close friends was calling me by the wrong name for a good few years when we first met, and I didn’t notice! He was a DJ and I’d met him through a mutual friend who was also a DJ, so although we saw each other about one a month and ended up becoming good friends we only saw each other in really loud places! It came to light when he and his girlfriend had an argument about my name and he text me!

It turns out she didn't know my name either! Oh, how we laughed! We only found out because she was on the phone telling someone who she was with and she said "Oh, I'm out with XX (DD) and... (to me) I'm really sorry, this is so embarrassing but I don't know your name!".

Last night I went out to a restaurant for dinner with my OH. As we sat down at our table I noticed another couple over the other side of the restaurant and thought I recognised the female of the couple. She looked up and and seemed to recognise me. I said 'hello' she replied 'hi!' quite enthusiastically - as though she knew me. I walked over to her, by now we are asking each other 'how are you?' 'I'm well thank you, how are you?'.
We kissed and hugged each other. We made small talk about the food and the restaurant.
I sat down and my OH said 'who was that?'. I replied 'I've absolutely no idea'.

It was quite clear around the moment we hugged and kissed like old friends that neither of us had the faintest clue who the other was.