That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

Leslie lots of people think vegetarians eat fish
I love "why do you keep calling me Tim? " :o

I was once on holiday and got friendly with a few children there. One of them was called 'Alex' and for the whole 2 weeks, I never worked out whether it was a boy or a girl. Didn't matter but just awkward when referring to them and not knowing whether to say 'he' or 'she'! How do you ask someone what sex they are?!

Following on with the wrong name theme...
We live in the Middle East. My friend has had a driver for almost a year that she's called by his nickname of ketchup. He came to pick me up a couple of weeks ago and I asked where he got his nickname from. He laughed and said that his nickname wasn't ketchup it was Kisha and she's been saying it wrong (kisha is Arabic for hairy - he's bald). It's not just a British trait!

I was only about 8 at the time by the way.

Lying just reminded me of another of my Motherisms.... (I think I've told this on here before)

I'd taken her to Dunelm for some hideous cushion covers or some such like. As we came out there was a man sat outside with a charity bucket at his feet drinking a cup of tea from a polystyrene cup. Mum stops and fishes out a pound. It was all a bit slow motion, I knew what she was going to do but couldn't stop it so I just stood open mouthed as she threw the £1 coin into his cup of tea. His face was priceless. As I scuttled away I heard Mum say "Well never mind dear at least when you finish your tea you'll find a pound!" I could have died.

Suzanne, I presume if I was discussing catering arrangements for a weekend away with you, you'd feel able to say that you were vegetarian. For some reason my SIL did not. I'm really not very scary.

This thread reminds me of Rodney and Trigger!

This tread makes you think how many people am I calling by the wrong name and not realizing?

My NDN calls me the wrong name. I don't know where it came from but it's nothing like my name. Think like the difference between Rachel and Catherine or something.

He first called me it not long after I had DD (she's 10 months now) and I was too tired and worn out to really register and correct him. And then it wore on. And I still didn't say anything. A friend even came round and spoke to him and said she was visiting us, and used the right name for me, and NDN did get it for a bit but then went back to the wrong name.

I still haven't said anything. I'm not going to. DH thinks I have to. He is wrong

My mum thinks that DH really loves bread sauce with Xmas dinner. So makes a massive thing about making it, and asking him 50 times how the bread sauce is. He doesn't like it, and has in fact, never even heard of it before my mum decided this!! (No-one says a word....)

I have a colleague who was the only football fan in the workplace. He met my DH and they talked football. Now he thinks I am really knowledgeable and very interested in the minutiae of football team selection. I don't have the heart to tell him I have no clue who he is talking about.

"Hey Pax, have you heard Liverpool are going to buy Ruis? What do you think?" Erm, I dunno, he is good in midfield, but getting on a bit I think (desperately hoping). "No, no, Ruis is a goalie and he is 22. You are mixing him up with Rieos." Oh, yeah, of course, well, HE is fabulous, very promising young athlete. (Colleague goes away satisfied and I am ashamed)

Posting a small update: I went to get my breakfast this morning and "Steve" stood behind the counter, looking at me, eyes slightly narrowed (his stance was not dissimilar to a cowboy getting ready for a gun fight, in fact). He then asked "What are you having?"! Hurrah!

Also, something totally impolite, un-British and unacceptable: When I was in the queue to pay the woman on the till asked the woman in front of me "Small Americano?", obviously guessing she would like her usual (at least she actually asked rather than pouring it as soon as she walked in), and the customer actually said "No thanks, please could I have a latte"!!!! I was agog! Surely she should have mumbled "Yes please" and got on with it.

Before I was pregnant I always used to order a flat white on my way to work. Once pregnant I couldn't handle my coffee being so strong so I had to switch to latte.

One day, very heavily pregnant, I ordered a latte and the guy making the drinks did me a flat white out of habit. I felt very un-British pointing out it wasn't what I ordered but by that point my heartburn was off the scale, I'd never have managed it. He, bless him, was mortified and quickly did me a latte... Then insisted I take both! I had to palm the flat white off on someone at work

Oh well done indeed, Nabootique, this thread's come full circle. I'm laughing at your Britishness of conceding a small Americano... I would have done that - and bitterly regretted not holding out for a latte.

Our builders called me Sheila for a whole 20 weeks project. My name is boho v like that. At the end we discovered it was because whenever they asked for a decision on anything my husband would say 'I'll check with she who must be obeyed'!

Our elderly piano teacher called DSIS and I the wrong names and even wrote them on our notebooks. Not just abit wrong but really really wrong e.g. names Catherine and Elizabeth he called us Kelly and Tracey (names changed but you get the gist).

Being English and 8 and 10 we never said anything. The old chap was so old my mum got a call to say we couldn't have our lesson this week or indeed ever again as he had dropped dead.

Actually Dsis and I used these names as code when we were older if we were ever in a disco and grim men approached us we would say our names were Kelly and Tracey

About 1977 our family of four were on holiday in France with another family of four. Dad - the only French speaker in the group - insisted on us all eating lunch where the locals ate and where a little old French lady dressed all in black did all the cooking and serving. On Dad's recommendation eight of us order Coquilles St Jacques - we were all used to pretty bland food seeing as this was the 1970s but this dish was incredibly rich and none of us could eat it. My Dad was so insistent that we didn't offend the sweet old French lady who had cooked them and so he ate all eight!!!! I'll never forget as a 13 yr old - being incredulous as I watched him force each one of them down. Then he made us kids go into the kitchen and thank little old French lady for such a delicious meal!

On the same holiday he mis- translated brains as steak on a menu somewhere else and we all ordered what we thought was the steak. Even he couldn't get us out of that one so the brains were all duly wrapped in napkins and secreted away in the two mums' handbags so as not to offend the owner of the restaurant.
We still laugh about it now.

What a fabulously polite Dad! That should feature in an etiquette handbook

Eek to brains in a handbag though!

Oh you lot have made my day! Laughing so much I was wheezing & crying & DD came downstairs cos she thought I was ill! Thank you, thank you! 💐

Just wonder when it becomes ingrained though? I remember I was still a primary school when I was invited to a friend's house and had to tackle greasy fishfingers followed by cold rice pudding with seeded jam on it. I felt really sick and everybody had finished eating at least 20 minutes before me. When asked by the mum if I was ok I nodded & ploughed on!
Got worse though. After school I went with 2 friends to the local bakery shop where they also sold crisps etc. First girl requested a meringue & was served. Second girl said she wanted the same & meringue was duly handed over. I had picked up a bag of quavers but was so small I could barely be seen over the counter. The lady serving( seemed big to me) said "And I suppose you will be wanting a meringue too!"
I paniced- thought I would appear rude if I said "No" so I nodded before realising to my horror I did not have enough money for both. Ended up walking out with both. Far better in my child's mind to committ unplanned theft than offend the lady at the bakery by telling her I did not like her meringues!

I have one. It happened today. You are NOT going to believe me but it may well be on CCTV...

I was shopping in Sainsbury's today, did my shop, packed the car, went back to the trolley bay to get my trolley coin back and put the trolley in. So far so good. Trolley man came to get the trollies and wheel them to the store. Somehow my dress (skater sort) was attached to the last trolley (mine) and I could feel it pulling, I thought it was going to rip...

So, did I say, "Hold on my good man, I'm caught!". No. Of course I didn't.

To his mild astonishment, I walked with him and his trolley-crocodile into the store, at his pace, chuntering on about the weather and waited for him to leave them and me to my own devices. I freed my dress and scuttled off back to the car. My dress - a favourite - now has a fair sized rip along the waist seam.

A normal person would not do this... ergo, I should not be allowed out on my own again.

lying

Ooh ooh I have 3!

Firstly as a teenager I found out my mum's friend lived in the same village as Orlando Bloom's Grandmother. I had visited my mum's friend in this village many times and saw it as my claim to fame. I told my best friend and then a month later she told ME that her mum's friend lived in the same village as Orlando Bloom's Grandmother! I had to act all impressed!

Secondly, I have a slight intolerance to caffeine and get the shakes if I have a cup of tea on and empty stomach. My DH couldn't be bothered to say that one short sentence to his parents when they asked what to get me in to drink prior to meeting me. Instead he told them I am alllergic to caffeine. Well apparently they did some research and I can't even have decaffeinated tea as it still has some caffeine. This means that every (overnight) visit is tea free! I have to watch them drink it and sip my water! They once bought special Red Bush tea for me instead, I had to gag down the whole box as I was too polite to admit I didn't like it!

Lastly my dad doesn't like fish. He has been married to my mum for nearly 30 years. Once I was at theirs and we were deciding what to eat, mum suggested fish and I said no as dad's not that keen.She was shocked and asked Dad if it was true. He reluctantly admitted that he didn't like it but hadn't been able to tell her (she has cooked him fish many times). It was a whole big thing, mum couldn't believe he hadn't said etc. etc. About a year later I go round for dinner and what does mum serve? You guessed it, fish! She had completely forgotten! It was a whole big thing! My dad dug in and gave me a very slight head shake and a look that said 'it's ok, it's too awkward to bring it up again, I've eaten it for 25 years I can eat it for 25 more'

I really don't like cream, especially in cakes. I don't like fruit liquor, especially not cherry.

An ExBF's mum made me a Schwarzwald Kirsch tart thingy with ample cream and liquor cherries. I said thank you very much, I will eat it later. He ate it. Month after, more creamy kirschcake horror. This time I had said I was hungry before I knew she'd produce this. BF had to take a huge bite every time she turned away or left the room. For the duration of that relationship I was treated to kirsch cream cake for I had wolfed it down so quickly the first time .