That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

Hygge Your colleague must think the way to a woman's heart is through pastry covered meat products.

I went to my long service ceremony last year , and it was full of people from my intake that I hadn't seen in over twenty years . Husband goes off with rest of family to find their seats , and I am directed to sit on reserved seats for the hundred or so others getting the medal . So I sit down , and this woman in plain clothes with a vaguely familiar face says 'Pam ! How are you ! I was hoping you'd be here ! I was telling my husband all about your tattoos ! '

My name is not Pam . I have not a single inking . And I can't think who she is . Moreover , I am in full dress uniform with my name badge on. Did I point any of this out ? Of course not . I smiled and made polite ' And how are you ? How's the family ? What are you doing now ? ' conversation , without calling her by name once . And when it came to tea and biscuits after the ceremony , admittedly after my mother berated a very senior officer for treating their staff appallingly , when I saw her coming our way , I made a swift exit .

Dead brave , me .

I allowed my neighbour to call me the wrong name, not a problem as we didn't socialise.

Until we were both in the local hairdressers at the same time and she declared 'hello wrong name' very loudly

There was then an excruciating silence with the staff looking very confused as they knew full well what my name is. I just smiled weakly.....

At our old house one of our neighbours used to call DH Gary. He told her the first time she did it 'Actually my name is Trevor' but she either didn't hear or forgot and carried on calling him Gary. He felt rude going on about it so didn't correct her again.

One evening he had to call round to hers about something. It was quite late so she called from inside the door 'Who is it?' DH hesitated because, although he knew she called him Gary it would have been weird (and wrong!) to introduce himself as such, so he said 'It's Trevor from next door.' She opened the door and said 'Oh, hi Gary' . We decided there just really are people like Trigger from Only Fools and Horses out there.

When we moved to our current house, in a different town, we got a Christmas card from one of our new neighbours addressed to Ann and Gary . I guess he just looks like a Gary.

*Names changed to protect the innocent.

Not my story but I love it but my friend Alan was called Dave by his neighbour for 10 years. He said it went on so long he couldn't correct him. Then one day he was talking to said neighbour and neighbour 2 came out and yelled 'hi Alan', neighbour 1 said why are you calling him Alan his name is Dave. Very awkward all round apparently

*nb names obviously changed!

Ohh OP... can you wait till he turns his back and then stealthily throw yourself on the floor, sneaking in, snakelike, on your stomach so he doesn't see you until you pop up in front of him - too late for him to get your usual on order?

Wittery I am falling around at your story! It's honestly the sort of thing I would do, we are just so British aren't we?!

My uncle in law thinks I'm Jewish. My maiden name was Jewish in origin, and in fact my paternal grandfather was Jewish and raised my Dad as such until he left suddenly and entirely- proper moonlight flit- when his parents split in his early childhood. My Dad ended up living with his (very not Jewish) maternal grandparents. He started eating bacon, had a Christmas tree, never looked back.

However when I first met my uncle in law he commented on my name having known some Orthodox Jews in Golders Green with the same name. I told him what I've just told you- Christmas trees, bacon- but he has got it into his head that I'm proper Jewish. We don't see him often thankfully.... But at BBQs he has a disposable barbecue to cook me my own horrible turkey sausages. It's been ten years, it's too late to tell him.

I was once looking around woolworths and some woman came over and started having a right old chat with me, I didn't like to ask who she was so I played a long, laughed at what were 'in' jokes, then said goodbye and went on my way.

The same thing happened a couple of weeks later, I definitely couldn't say anything this time because I played along the last time.

The following week I saw her again, she made a beeline for me, I cringed inside, thinking I knew what was coming, then she said "I don't know you at all do I", I said to her that I didn't think so , she then asked why I had a full on conversation with her and didn't let on, I sort of shrugged, she called me a maniac and flounced off

If it happened again I'd still play along though

Oh that's sweet fellout of him well not for you but your uncle in law thinks he's doing the right thing

The trouble is LyingWitch my office is directly across from the canteen thing (they are separate buildings), so he sees me walking across the road. Quite often I'll get there and the toast is nearly done! I could snake the whole way, but I would probably get up and find the knees and tit area gone in my clothing. I could turn the other way and go all the way around the back and sneak into the canteen from the other side, but that would take about ten minutes, rather than 30 seconds.

Aha, I have it... have you a portly colleague or several colleagues who could shield you from view as you walk across the road...?

This is more general as I can't immediately think of a specific story but when people recount anecdotes of events that I was present at, then embellish the truth I never say "Hang on, that's not the way it was" - too polite. It means that I've listened to some right old exaggerations in my time...

My friends once almost died in a plane crash. I had a flight with a short burst of light turbulence. We were on the same flight

I have the same as the OP. I was mad for their tuna melts for a while and now she starts mixing the tuna in preparation when she sees us come in. I'm done with tuna but have to have it every time! It's been 5 years!

That's exactly the kind of thing Imfinehowareyou!

I've thought of an example - years ago as a youngish teen my"friend" and I were at a local disco supervised by a group in a neighbouring village hall. She wasn't enjoying it so pestered me to walk home.
It was broad daylight and about 1.5 miles but the group leader phoned my mum when they realised we were gone so she was waiting for me at the door to drive me back there and apologise. All still in broad daylight (summer time).
By the time my "friend" told the story at school the following week the walk was done in pitch darkness and took several hours etc.

I had a neighbor who called me a name with the same beginning and ending letter, think Carmen instead of Carolyn. But I wasn't as polite as the rest of you - I corrected her once or twice and then just full out ignored her every time she called the wrong name over the fence

I have been so late posting reading all of these hilarious tales. OP has sorted it for today, no need for my madcap suggestions at all...

I have my own embarrassing confession, I've posted it before so apologies

There was a man I was besotted with, I found out that he shopped in Co-op every week so off I trotted in very high heels and dolled up to the nines.

I saw him in one of the aisles reading a packet that he was holding. I sidled over to him, leaned across right in front of him and did what I fondly thought was a seductive 'bunny girl dip'. Of course it was nothing of the sort, I started to tip, couldn't 'right' myself, grabbed the edge of the shelf (which came off in my hands)... and I slid to the floor.

Instead of getting up again when he proferred his hand, I said "No, it's fine, I'm just tired", put my head down in my arms and pretended to be asleep.

==================================================

I can't bear to think of it, it's all come back to me now.

If I'd only just taken his hand, laughed at myself and got up from the floor, we could have been a perfect couple by now... instead of which I was the maddest woman alive and only now feature, if I ever do, in his worst nightmares...

OH was called Andy by our neighbour for about 4 years (he isn't Andy). We never said anything. I started signing her Christmas card 'love from no xxx' as I didn't want to use our names as it felt rude to draw attention to her incorrect name calling.
Then I found out that another neighbour that we'd been calling Andy for 5 years is actually called Fred.
I don't even think there are any andys in the street.

My name isn't actually Daisy but at my last place of work I trained a group of around 20 new starters. One lovely lady in the group thought my name was Daisy (not even remotely similar to my actual name!) and because she was quite chatty and addressing me as Daisy quite frequently the rest of the group started to do so as well. I never corrected them so became known as Daisy to the whole group for the rest of my time there.

I was introduced to Gary, a young chap thirty eight years ago, friend of a friend type of situation and he quickly became part of our friendship group.

After a couple of years, we moved 200 miles away and very rarely saw any of the old crowd. However, Gary moved into the area and we bumped into him in our local. He very quickly became part of our new circle of friends and for twenty four years, we met regularly.
Three years ago he was offered a job in New Zealand so we organised a huge going away party - banner, the works. At the end of the night I gave him a huge hug and told him how much he would be missed. That was when he dropped the bombshell that his name was actually Pete. It had never been Gary. It had always been Pete.
He had been going to tell me apparently, when he moved into the area, but as I had joyfully introduced him as 'an old friend who went wayyyyyy back' to everyone, he did not have the heart.......

He kept the secret and emigrated. I am pretty sure there was no connection.

I once told my mil I wasn't that keen on roast potatoes, rather than tell the truth which was that I wanted to cut down on carbs for weight loss reasons. Ever since then, she has always cooked a separate potato dish just for me (mash, dauphinoise, etc) when she makes a roast dinner "because I know you don't like roast potatoes", which of course I have felt obliged to eat! (I actually love roasties, even more annoyingly, and now I no longer need to lose weight, would be happy to eat them, but of course I can't now, at the ILs ).

Ha Ha Did you Have a Good bye Gary banner?

Lying that is cringetastic!

LyingWitch That is a good idea. I might have to give that one a go! Love your story. How long were you "asleep" for? Oh, and please expand on "bunny girl dip", in case I ever need to do one.

See?? I knew it wasn't just me!