That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

send someone else

Oh Bicnod I do that at the hairdressers too! AND she's been given me the same scalp massage for so long now that I don't feel I can say "please stop, it's actually quite uncomfortable and you're not very good at it" so I always lie there with a crick in my neck and a stupid fake "mm-hmm, yes, that's fine, v relaxing" expression on my face.

God I'm pathetic.

Page

lying Are you Miranda in disguise?!

mil is lovely but one year at christmas she bought me perfume and I said ooh thanks type thing and now she buys it for me every year despite the fact I cant wear it as it makes me itch.

Youaren'tkiddingme... I couldn't be that graceful, honestly.

Usually I'm stable and upright and can walk without reigns but sometimes, I have a little 'blip' and when I do... heavens!

I hear you, Goood... In the absence of non-British gumption, antihistamines are your friend!

While working in a hospital an elderly patient got it into his head that I was Chinese (I am Caucasian). I hadn't the heart to correct him and we had an entire conversation about how my children were finding it, adjusting to life in the UK.

Oddly we had recently moved back from abroad (not from China though) so that bit of the conversation did make sense to me though not for the reasons he thought.

It was only afterwards that I realised how strange the conversation had been.

Sisters... Oh my... I wonder what your DM would have done had she not been free'd? Pretend the railing was some sort of medical knee-brace... or perhaps that she was one of the new Suffragettes (Disney-branch)?

I howled. I had visions of Mickey Mouse running across the park with vaseline.

This was the same holiday they hired an electric pedalo thing (without pedals) in San Diego harbour. The battery died some way out. Mum can't swim and is terrified of water so to this day I have no idea how Dad persuaded her to go out on it in the first place. Anyway, they began to wave at passing craft to signal they were in trouble, of course passing craft gave cheery waves back to the happy tourists enjoying their excursion. Two hours later the bloke from the hire company came to look for them as they were late back. Both were far too British to actually shout 'HELP!' and had carried on waving to most of San Diego harbour like a pair of demented, holiday hyped Brits.

Mil gave me liquorice allsorts every Christmas for about 25 years. And DH Maltesers . I do like liquorice but not that much ....and it was a bit predictable I warned the DCs not to ever express a preference for anything
Funny thing was I quite missed them when she got dementia and it stopped ...
My SIL loves owls and has at least 200. I do sometimes wonder if she really wants any more. I now confine myself to (usually)naff Christmas tree ornaments and make a joke it

sisters I think your parents win the brtish parents prize.

I moved to a village in Sweden 6yrs ago and currently people think, as I've of course not corrected them that I have 3 differnt names (none of which are actually my name). Also that I'm from either India/Thialand/Oz or South Africa, this I have corrected a few times, but still at least once a month I'm congratulated on how good my English is!

We get what a pretty girl DS is and strong boy DD is, up to now I've switched their names but soon one of the kids is going to correct me, and make me look like a fool.

I've told this story before but I used to call my neighbour Mr Muscle, because that's what everyone else on the street called him but I didn't know it was just behind his back He looked like the guy from the advert which I hadn't seen.

He never corrected me btw. Bless him.

A couple of weeks ago while in Tesco's I was stopped by an old gentlemen who had some sort of cataracts/poor vision.

He complemented me (heavily pregnant) and then asked me when I started maternity leave and had I found it hard to get a uniform to fit???

While I was puzzling out what he meant he asked me to help him find the pineapple chunks.

After nearly fifteen minutes and helpfully locating a couple of items later I'd twigged that he thought I worked there but didn't want to embarrass the chap now if let it go on that long!

He really was lovely, even mentioned how helpful I had been and that I should be proud if doing such a good job.

I'm unemployed at the moment but at least I know there is something I'd be good at

My mom used to phone my auntie every week and talk on the phone for ages. Except it wasn't my auntie my mom had been phoning the wrong number and one day after weeks of this the penny must have dropped with my dm I think she mentioned a certain family member and my dm realized she was talking to the wrong person. Dm asked the lady why she went along with it for so long the lady replied because I enjoy our little chats.

I went swimming at the local pool every day for 10 years until we moved.

On the first morning I was there, the regular old ladies asked my name. They misheard it as "Magda".

I was too shy and young to correct them so went for a decade being called the wrong name.

My sister came with me a couple of times. I had to warn her in advance that this was going to happen. She threatened to tell them my real name and I cried!

Sometimes people call me Frankie - it's quite similar to my name but isn't actually my name in any way.

But I'm Frankie when they speak to me, even though I've often been with someone who knows my real name and knows what's going on, I just assume my secret identity.

Maybe I should give Frankie a back story, she's probably got a far more exciting life than me.

Sisters your parents! I can imagine it in a movie. Steve Martin can play your Dad and maybe Imelda Staunton is your Mum? Both waving frantically at every passing vessel, until they are rescued

Fiderer haha on the American accent.

I have thought of another one and it did teach me to never make up anything on a CV/application form. I was young in my defence, and looking for a job. I was heartily fed up of filling out application forms (long time before anything online). I decided my hobbies and interests were boring. So on one particular application I put "hang gliding" as one of my hobbies along with the usual reading, travelling.

I got an interview. Never thought anything about it, in fact had forgotten what I'd put. The interviewer after going through my past jobs etc came to the hobbies bit and said "Goodness how interesting you hang glide, I used to be the Secretary of the West Midlands Hang Gliding Society, where do you hang glide?"

I was bricking it but ploughed on. Instead of pretending I did it before I moved and making up a Club, I said "Barton Hill" which is like a mound of earth compared to where real hang gliders probably do their stuff. It's like jumping off a 6 foot wall as opposed to a cliff. He just looked at my beetroot red face and he knew. It was excrutiating. I didn't get the job.

Hi all - we've had quite a few Classics nominations for this one, so we'll move it over there now.

Sisters, that is just HILARIOUS , your poor, poor parents! Bless your mum for doing the wide open sea as a non-swimmer.

for Sisters's Mum

... Congrats Nabootique, you're now immortal.

This deserves Classics. I can't read it whilst eating or drinking for fear of choking

Me neither, Roussette, I've been randomly laughing at it all day whilst I'm doing other things and people have been looking askance!

Steve Martin can play your Dad and maybe Imelda Staunton is your Mum?

My Dad was the image of a young Omar Shariff despite being 100% pure white British. In perhaps another of his polite ways when he was younger he would often be mistaken for an immigrant (he would have been 82 on Sunday so this was in the days where seeing a dark face in these parts was a rarity), he'd always just smile, nod and move on, never correcting anyone.

Mums only foray into actual swimming was being brave once in our local baby pool. She shot down the steps whilst Dad commented 'Bloody hell she's keen!' only she'd actually fallen and was somehow managing to drown and flail in 3ft of water.

And don't get me started on the time she followed a poor fellow to his pigeon shed in thick fog because she thought he was going into town and she was lost. She pretended she was going to see my Dads pigeons in a neighbouring loft. My Dad never kept a pigeon in his life.

Mum is still happy and healthy at 80. She still does things that make me howl. I could probably write a book.

I think you should, Sisters, really, it would be a best-seller.

I'm sorry that I don't actually know your parents, I feel like I do - in my mind's eye and they sound lovely. I expect you miss your Dad so much, he sounds like he was the perfect English gent.