That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

Classics!!!

I am rofling at the thought of a Pizza Express getting a MNer's engagement card, wedding card, congratulations on the birth card...

Sisters I'd read that book!

Oh, here are my people.

I used to be a relief retail manager, and covered a shop in quite a rough area where many of the customers were unspeakably rude. Every day I bought a Subway sandwich for lunch, and chatted to the man who worked there, who kept saying how nice it was to serve someone who said please and thank you.

After a few weeks (and a LOT of sandwiches) he told me that his MBA was soon to be finishing, and he was returning to India to take over his Dad's textile business. He then asked if I'd marry him and go with him, and he'd spoken to his family and they were excited to meet his 'English girl'.

I politely declined, ran back to my shop, and rang my Head Office to request a different store from the next day as I was unable to work there any more.

I never did go back.

Oh Tiggy! If you were REALLY polite you'd have accepted his proposal!

A relative of mine used to live in a village where he'd often see a lot of the same people around even if he didn't know them. He started chatting to one of them in particular whenever they ran into each other, and having overheard other people referring to this man as 'Nelson' he naturally assumed that was his name.

It was MONTHS before the man timidly explained that he didn't like being called that... at which point my relative realised it was a nickname he'd been given because he only had one eye

I'm a wheelchair user often people helpful ask if they can help reach things in a shop. Sometimes people see you looking then "helpfully" pass you down half the top shelf. I then have to dump it when they are out of view and hope don't bump into them at the till!

DP - now DH - might not have taken to that lightly, Naboo!

Is he British? I'm sure he'd have understood your predicament. You could have said that you'd return to blighty once you'd been married long enough to politely divorce on the basis of your (fictional or cultivated) personal hygiene issues/attraction to farm animals, etc. thus not hurting the chap's feelings too much.

Ds and his friend and work colleague go to the local Costa a couple of times a week. His friend was overheard discussing his civil partnership plans for this summer.It has been assumed they are partners so even when ds goes in alone he gets the "not long now" chat. Rather than correct them ds just agrees. He's now dreading going in after the "date" for fear that they ask to see a photo of "their happy day" and is contemplating getting a photo on the day of him and his friend just to avoid any awkwardness.

I am cold, my patio doors are wide open and it is not as warm as it was earlier. I can't close them because I have a very nice (lonely) workman digging a trench outside and he likes to chat.

My grandmother only admitted to my grandfather that he had misheard her name at their first meeting and had been calling her by the wrong name for months, after he had asked her to marry him...and she realised that she would have to disclose her actual name on the marriage certificate .

The same grandmother once went on a holiday to somewhere she didn't want to go because she didn't have the heart to tell the person who had bought the tickets and booked the hotel (the correct destination had special significance for my gran) that they had made a mistake. I think it was a muddle up between Swansea and Swanage.

My ex used to buy computer equipment to build PCs for students from a particular shop run by a Japanese guy who was really sweet and excruciatingly polite. The shop was on my way home from work so now and again, exDP would ask me to pick up a cable or whatever.

He always referred to the shop owner as Mr Miyagi and never having seen the Karate Kid films, I assumed that was his name and always called him Mr Miyagi when I went into the shop. He never corrected me.

Then one day I happened to go in there with exDP and I greeted the shop owner with 'Good morning, Mr Miyagi'. Ex looked at me with a WTF and horrified expression then had to explain to me outside the shop. Mortified is not the word. I refused to ever go back in there.

I used to work with a lovely chap who seemed to think I was interested in Elizabeth Taylor. He started mentioning things he'd heard about her because I liked her so much and he was sharing in my keen interest. Then came the newspaper clippings. Then a poster. It just went on and on. I'm sure I've never mentioned Liz Taylor in my life.

lamiashiro, that is priceless!

You've reminded me of my mother's faux pas. I have three brothers, all uncouth and inappropriate and I blame them for my mother's bad language as she's NOT British (is Austrian) and picks up any bad slang very easily even after 50 years in the UK.

One or more of the bothers was talking about her TV that had conked out. Told my mother that it was 'Donald ducked'. She asked what that meant and they told her "it means broken". She went to buy a new one, happily telling the sales assistant that hers was 'Donald ducked'.

The only mildly British bit about it was that I walked off and left her to it... I was so embarrassed. The TV was wheeled out to the car for her and loaded in... and I was nowhere to be seen, I was standing pretending to talk on my phone, studiously ignoring her.

ShowofHands... what about when she died? There must have been so much PR stuff about her around then? Were you inundated?

Page I get why it happened initially but why did you let it go on for 5 years? Couldn't you have pretended to move house....you know....to where you actually live?

This thread is brilliant.

He sent me a card when she died. I was too choked up to talk about it iirc.

I imagine so... I'm sorry for your loss.

The meat ones reminds me of one. Though I did speak up

I am a lifelong vegetarian too. I was only 14 and at my new boyfriend's house. His mum was making dinner and asked what we wanted and boyfriend said he really wanted tuna pasta bake. She said "you're not vegetarian, are you?" and I said "yes, actually I am". I can only assume that she thought I was joking as she made the pasta bake anyway. I didn't want to be rude so I ate a few pieces. Bleurgh.

Then a few weeks later I went round again. My boyfriend announced we were having a BBQ and then came outside with these enormous pork chops. I reminded him that I was vegetarian, but he said his dad didn't believe in that sort of thing obviously I should have dumped him and gone home, but I attempted to eat the pork.

Thankfully we broke up shortly after. He was actually a complete tosser, but I didn't see that at the time!

Picture this.

I'm sitting in a packed dentist's waiting room, when a lady comes out of a surgery and plonks herself next to me. She looks at me and shrieks "Oh hi! It's me......Penny! How are you? And then proceeded to tell me all about what had happened in the previous 20 years since we'd last seen each other.
I nodded and joined in a bit until she got up and cheerily waved and said "Byee then!"

Another person in the waiting room then spoke and said "You really didn't know who that was did you?"

Nope, not a clue! But Penny obviously didn't latch on to my confusion, even if everyone else did

Lying, I just can't. I'm sorry. I can't bring myself to talk about [shit who is she again?] dear old [fuuuck, Liz, I want to say Liz] ... I'm sorry. Can we just leave it there and never mention it again. Ever.

In one of my old jobs there was a supervisor whose face I'd always found very difficult to read. Apparently she thought highly of me, but you wouldn't have known it from her face IYSWIM. One day she exclaimed to me "Elderly, your shoes!" I'd bought a new pair and completely misread her face so thought she was complimenting them. I went on for a good 5 minutes telling her where I'd gotten them from, how I'm fond of that style for work as they're easy on the feet and quite smart, etc. I nipped to the loo a little later only to see I'd actually worn shoes from two different sets to work! I had lots in that style in all different colours and patterns and obviously hadn't registered that they weren't at all the same. And she sat there letting me rabbit on rather than burst my proud shoe bubble

But then, I've lost count of the number of times DM will be relaying a conversation we were both part of to someone and not only completely fabricate whole sections but also take credit for things I'd actually said. I don't say anything either, just sit there nodding and joining in as if her version is accurate so I'm just as bad.

Apocalypse I honestly never thought of that

Or in the spirit of the thread, maybe I should have persuaded my parents to move to Three Miles Away Village so as not to inconvenience my lift-giver.

I was on a course whigh was about 50% friends and 50% other people. One of these others was rather well spoken, but not the brightest spark. One of my friends mentioned him to me in conversation and I said 'oh, you mean Tim nice but dim?' He was then referred to as Tim by our group of friends (some may have actually thought he was called Tim). He then began to spend more time with us and politely corrected people who accidentally called him Tim. However, when we went out to celebrate finishing our end of course exam, he'd had enough and silenced the whole group with, 'why does everyone keep calling me Tim?' Obviously we couldn't explain, had to look at our shoes and shrug.