I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

Dh says I talk in my sleep. I didn't believe him so ask what I said. He replied, "Usually just shouting at the children, is one of them called < insert name of naughtiest boy in my class >?" (I'm a TA and apparently mean in my sleep!)

I take loads of heavy duty mess so I sometimes fall half asleep at the drop of a hat but can still hear what's going on.

One time DH cuddled up saying "do you fancy a kiss and a cuddle?"
Me "it would be very nice but that woman is watching and her hair grips need sorting"
DH "eh?"
Me "yes, look they're a right mess!"
DH "I'll take that as a no then!"

Last week, just after I dropped off
DH "is it Wednesday you've got the hospital?"
Me "I don't know why you're coming you don't even like animals?"
DH "eh?"
Me "you don't like animals, you always moan"
DH "oh fucking hell you're talking jibberish again"

When the kids were small I used to wake up, smack DH's face and ask who was in my bed. God knows why the kids never used to get in with us.

This will out me but I'm passed caring.
DH occasionally sleep talks, but much worse is that he's also sleep attempted murdered. (Ish)

When we were newly together, about 6 months or so in, I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and absolutely petrified because somebody had grabbed me and pulled me backwards in bed by/with their hand over my mouth. I honestly thought I was being raped and/or killed for that split second.

My scream woke DH, who wondered why I was screaming and why his hand was over my mouth. Apparently he'd been dreaming that one of the DCs was standing on a laptop and he was moving them off??

I will never let him forget this.

I love this thread!
This wasn't me but a story I overheard from a girl on the bus. She'd phoned up her sister sobbing telling her she had to come over because it was broken. She was getting quite hysterical and her sister was trying to keep calm while trying to find out what had been broken when she announced with full melodrama that it was her heart
Apparently her sister hung up.

DCs have clearly knackered my OH so he now sleeps deeply & without incident but before they came along he would have a chat most nights. Couple spring to mind, first when he was channelling his inner Hoff & described to me what it was like being in Kitt & the car driving itself. This led to all future nocturnal ramblings being referred to as his Knightrider moments. Also one night he was creased up laughing because he was looking at a book with pictures of potatoes that "looked like bums".

Deep in the middle of the night, my ex woke me with a big, loud wet fart. He then started giggling his head off, all whilst asleep. This then made me start giggling, but I was awake!

Ooh just remembered some more!

My DC's aren't really in the habit of sleep talking but once when I was checking on DD, just as I was going to bed, she rolled over and gave a happy sigh while saying '...bottom'.

My DSis tells me that she recently had a dream about Vladimir Putin starring in a Broadway show with a load of crackers. She woke up giggling 'Putin on the Ritz!'

I'm going to read this whole thread later.

DS sleeptalks but we can't often hear what he's saying.
I remember once the phone was ringing when DH was asleep and he kept saying "Hello?" trying to answer the phone, without moving. I found it bloody hilarious at the time.

I was once woken early in the morning but my then boyfriend asking, very seriously, 'So do your chickens roost on you at night?'

I have never had chickens. Let alone let them roost on me!

My DH kicked me really hard the other night. Totally oblivious he turned over and stayed asleep. When I told him next morning he said he had a really vivid dream about playing football at Wembley and he had a great shot! No kidding!!

Was reading this earlier but not caught up.

My dhs was

(While doing a massive stretch)

LOTS OF ROOM

I'm outed

Omg Seriously crying with laughter reading this in bed, DP is staring at me like I'm a complete moron
Love it, has to go in classics!

I once got out of bed and insisted that XDP (who was still up) come and find the radioactive glowing mouse that had run under the bed.

Or so I'm told.

DH has just reminded me I once woke him to tell him I wanted to move house. It went along the lines of
Me. DH we need to move
DH. Eh?
Me. We need to move, to move house
DH. Do we?
Me. Yes, yes, of course we do
DH. Why?
Me. It's the mini-mice. Look at them. We need to move when they have gone to work tomorrow so they don't know where we've gone
DH .......OK
Me (I was agitated apparently) Promise? Do you promise?

Another time, he woke up and I was standing at the window. He asked me what I was doing and I said 'The man is out there again under the tree waiting for me. Don't let him get me'. And I got back into bed as if nothing had happened.

I can't remember any of it at all.

Cakesonatrain I have done the same thing - my sister has video evidence of me on the sofa asleep hungover at my parents shouting "hello" louder and louder while the phone rang. When I finally woke up I remember feeling furious that it was still ringing because dsis called the landline from her mobile so she could laugh at me

I have also told DH to put his gloves on because he needs to hold my hand and I'll take him to the park. We have no dc and I don't work with children

And for DH, he regularly talks / shouts / swears in his first language, and he has pushed me out of bed more than once but my favourite episode of his was when he woke me by banging the wardrobe door open and shut and switching on the light. Then this conversation happened
Me - what are you doing?
DH - ssssshhhhhh
Me - get back into bed
DH - I don't want a bath. I can't protect them from there
Me - protect who?
DH - you and the swarm
He then wandered to the landing and led down muttering about "them" "going to battle" and "yes I think m&ms might help". All said with an odd fake-posh accent. Tis lucky I love him

DD used to talk in her sleep as a child - many's the time I used to wake up and dash in, thinking she really needed me.
DH's best one was when he sat bolt upright and announced' The bears are bunching! There's NO organisation in the marketplace!'
Me.. wha??

Growing up, I shared a room with my sister. She told me that one night, I declared "a wasp in a sock is a shop". Well quite.
Another time I sat up saying "if I press this button" & dsis asking "what button?" (I remember that it was really urgent, and as I woke up, the reason was lost & confused) & another time I woke her by shouting that there was a volcano in the room & she told me to go back to sleep. I felt surprised at her lack of gratitude.

Hi sis if you're reading this!

My DH woke me up to ask if I had enough sandwiches for my picnic? There was no picnic planned

I sleep talk when I am jet lagged. I woke my dh up once shouting " I do not like the service in this hotel! We were at home..

He found me asleep on the toilet trying to drive the towel rack..I kept shouting about not taking it out of park.

I sleep dialed my best friend and told her to name her soon to be adopted child HENRY NO HIDDEN TALENTS SMITH...and then hung up the phone.

Great thread

I've sat up in bed and woken XP and told him to tell the elephant at the end of the to leave the bedroom as it wasn't listening to me, the elephant isn't allowed in the house and must stay in the garden. (we didn't have a garden)

Best ever though was when I woke myself up with full belly/body laughing. I have no idea what was funny but it was actually one of the best episodes of laughter I've ever had, on waking I kept laughing for quite some time and I was so happy that it woke me up so I could enjoy it.

I sleep dialed my best friend and told her to name her soon to be adopted child HENRY NO HIDDEN TALENTS SMITH
I hope she believed you!

DH told me one morning that I'd sobbed in my sleep, "No. Please help me - it's acrylic."

I used to sleep talk and walk a lot but since having dc's it happens far less.

I used to dream quite a lot that someone was coming in my bedroom and would stand at my bedroom door screaming while holding it closes - in my mind I was pushing against someone who was trying to get the door open, but of course there was no one there. Poor dh would get a fright.

In the past I unplugged my bedside light, wrapped up the wire and sat the lamp in dh's shoulder. No idea what that was about.

I have also shouted. "Morning" from the open bedroom window (it was summer and we were ground floor) - when dh asked me who I was talking to I replied "the squirrels"

When I was younger my mum would often weaken to find me looking in her jewellery box murmuring "ah gorgeous...beautiful" etc.

I've done lots and lots of random things over the years.

So so many typos sorry