I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

I sleep talk all the time.

I once sleep phoned my mum in hysterics telling her repeatedly I was 'trapped inside a tiny bit of wood'. It was about 4am and I was 28 and my mum was

Dd also sleep talks but it's usually much like her daytime conversations involving 'give me it back' 'that's not fair' 'he looked at me funny' etc etc

My ex (ex army) used to swear blind he never dreamt at all but he woke me up once by sitting up and yelling in broad scots 'NOOOOOOOOOOOO, the battalion's DOOMED!'.

littlegreyauditor that made me howl

DH nearly gave me a heart attack one night - he was asleep and I was reading by a dim light ...suddenly he shot backwards up the bed scrabbling with the pillows and swearing, I shrieked and went 'what, what!' And he said 'the faces at the end of the bed!' - and promptly rolled over and started snoring again! Leaving me peering over my book to the end of the bed for the next hour ....

Loving this thread. It needs to end up in classics.

My DH regularly has these kind of sleep chats. Regular full on conversations, that seem perfectly normal until he says something proper off the wall.

Most recent memorable one that comes to mind goes something like this.

DH: love you, (name)
Me: love you too
DH: despite all of it
Me: despite all of what?
DH: the mangoes, you never bought the mangoes {said in a sad little voice}
Me: DH, wake up, you're dreaming.
DH: {more angrily} YOU'RE NOT THE FRUIT QUEEN ANY MORE!

I often wake him to get various mythical/poisonous/venomous creatures out of our bed

I have tears reading this LOL

A previous poster reminded me of how I used to frantically search the bed for DD when she was tiny. I used to shove DH out of the way, pull his pillows out, etc, which would wake him up and he'd calm me down and point out she was in her cot. All normal for having a newborn.

What was less normal was the time I tried to put a bib on DH, telling him he'd need it in case he dribbled his milk DD didn't even wear a bib for night feeds! (But to be fair, DH does dribble in his sleep...)

I talk in my sleep.
DH found me sitting up, scrabblng around in the duvet, crying saying 'someone's stolen my jam sandwich'.
Another time I was pushing him and saying 'There's a dalek coming up the stairs' .
Another time I growled in his ear- quite ferociously- and he got the shock of his life. I said 'I'm practising to be a doberman pincer. Then they'll be sorry'.

I have no recollection of it.

I woke up one night flung the duvet back and started sweeping the bed with my hand saying 'crumbs, get the crumbs out!'
But my favourite trick is to talk to DH when I'm feeding smallest one in the middle of the night, tell him about decisions -I've- we've made so when he mentions not knowing about it, I'm like 'sure you do darling, remember I said blah blah blah' and it must trigger a memory coz he backs down!

Actually fully properly crying

"you patronising fucktard", the cat sailing through the air due to "a rat crawling up my arse" and Gaston the escaped turtle have all made me lose all control of my face.

Another nomination for Classics from me! How do I do that properly? I'm such a noob.

"trapped inside a tiny bit of wood"

Op, I'm laughing here and can only imagine your dh reaction

I've had a few random outbursts in the middle of the night but dp tops anything I've ever done.

Apparently when he was living at home, aged about 19, he slept walked, stark naked into his mothers room (his mum and dad sleep in separate rooms) and proceeded to 'ride a wave' on top of her duvet as he thought he was surfing She very calmly told him to get off the bed and he walked back into his room. He's been mortified ever since. Very bloody bizarre and no illegal substances had been consumed!

Dh sometimes sleeptalks.

In the heady, early days of our relationship I was watching him sleep (as you do...) and he suddenly smiled the most angelic smile - seriously, his face lit up with the purest joy. I whispered "What are you thinking of?" (thinking it might be me, natch) His smile deepened - honestly, I've never seen him look so happy. He sighed, and murmured .... "Christmas Cake"

I have to tie my hair up to sleep because if even a tiny bit of it brushes DP in his sleep then he will leap out of bed screaming and curl up at the end of our bed hitting himself and shouting about spiders.
He works shifts and quite often tries to get up in the middle of the night and go to work. I've had to stop him heading off to work at 3am in just his pants and shoes.
Me:where are you going?
Him: have to go to work, gotta make a game. (Note, dp does not make games for a living, he is a chef) bossname tested me.
Me: it's okay, I called bossname and she says you can go in later.
Him: okay -tries to get into bed with shoes still on

However I still have the good end of the deal here because while I don't sleep talk I do sleep punch. I have woken up to find dp asleep on the sofa multiple times because I wouldn't let him into bed and punched him when he tried to get in.

This thread has really made me chuckle..had to explain to DH why I was laughing to myself

I don't have any examples of sleep talking / walking myself but I did once decide (I was 8 or 9 years old) that I was going to stick my sisters hand in a jug of water as I'd heard it makes you wet the bed...(I can't remember why I was annoyed with her) but anywho I got up to her bed with this jug of water and she turned over in her sleep / facing me and her eyes were wide open...I thought I'd been caught..then I realised she was still sleep breathing so I backed the hell out of there..scared the crap out of me..Karma..didn't try that again!!

I have grown up a bit since and have confessed to my sister who thinks it's hilarious!

A while back we had a medical consultant to dinner.
She worked excessively long hours and nodded off over the meal. The rest of the party accepted the situation and carried on with the food.
Eventually she awoke and said with a start and quite loudly said "But Red Indians don't do that" and nodded off again.
We now use this phrase as an acknowledgement of a snooze in front of the tv of an evening

This is hilarious! I was talking recently with some friends about sleep talking/ walking.

One friend of a friend has found that when her husband has a big presentation coming up he rehearses it in his sleep - with arm actions and I think sitting up. She has found the best way to get him to relax and settle back down to sleep is to applaud and tell him "well done, very good"

And a couple of classics from DH -
Said in a very happy and contended voice "Bricks.......... ..... Chocolate bricks" mmmMMMmm. As if he was really pleased with himself and the idea of some actual chocolate bricks.

Another time on holiday he woke me up very urgently to have the following conversation with me
DH: "is it dead?!"
Me: errrrr
DH: is it dead? Did you kill it?!!
Me: yes
DH: oh good, thank you
Me: try to stifle my laughter.
I asked the next morning if he had a bad dream and he couldn't remember anything.

DH sleep talks sometimes, but our favourite is when he goes into daydream mode in the shower.

Last Father's Day, the dcs were waiting outside the shower cubicle with their cards etc, and DH muttered, loudly, "I hate line dancers".

How we laughed. He has absolutely no recollection of saying it.

Best thread! I've had to stop reading it several times as I was trying to get DS to sleep and kept snorting

I know I talk in my sleep occasionally but can't remember any of my mutterings, however I can remember when I was about 12 I was at a sleep over and one of the girls started singing the teletubbies theme tune, still makes me smile!

No Euphemia it's all true. DH is an epic sleep talker and occasional sleep walker, who has had to be removed from wardrobes and my parents bed in the past.

An ex from many, many years ago, fell asleep on me on the sofa after he'd been on a long motorbike journey. When I tried to shift him off my legs, he said "we can't go now, the lights are on red!"

My DH has a few stories to tell about my sleep talking.

I once sat up in bed and announced "I'm the queen of the hospital"
I threatened him with "I'm going to stab you in the left eye with a fork"

We have had many conversations that I can never remember - those are the most memorable 2.

I also sleepwalked once. I dreamt I was having a baby and was pushing down. Woke up on the toilet having a wee. 😌

I asked dp if he had 'a spare postcode' once.
I'm sure it made perfect sense at the time.....

My DH does this when he's particularly stressed. He did some hilarious ones whilst I was pregnant.

1. getting out of bed and literally climbing onto the window sill and staring outside. When asked what he was doing, said in the creepiest voice ever "someone's in the garden"
2. He got up, turned the lights on then proceeded to wrestle the bed sheet out from under me telling me there were worms in the bed and he needed to shake the sheet out.