I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

Like PP, I also have a terrifying DD who used to stand at the end of the bed in silence. Long hair and a nightdress, she looked like something out of a horror film. We never knew how long she's been there when we woke up. Occasionally I would step onto the landing in the middle of the night on my way to the bathroom and she would be standing on the landing silently it's a wonder I manage to get any sleep at all these days, really.

Thanks to all the talkers (and listeners) on this thread for making me nearly spit a mouthful of coffee all over my laptop!

DH doesn't talk in his sleep (ever), I do sometimes when I'm ill or really tired.

The only one I can remember is when I was doing 12 hour shifts in a pub, I think I did about 8 in a row over Christmas one year. I woke up pulling a pint (John Smiths if anyone is interested!). As I rolled over to go to sleep, I sighed 'Oh Martin' in a disappointed way.

I remember doing this, don't know why I did it though. I don't even know anyone called Martin!

DH is a teacher. He always comes back from residential trips completely wiped out. He once leapt up in consternation shouting "I'll tell you what we HAVEN'T done - cocoa and packing!"

He always gets really angry when I try to persuade him he's actually in bed and talking in his sleep.

On NYE one year, I was too tired to stay up and see in midnight so had gone up early. DH came upstairs at midnight excited and said "Its midnight!!! " I apparently said "And what?" in a snappy aggressive manner. No recollection at all but he never lets me forget it!

Apparently the other night I was drumming my fists loudly on the headboard and woke DP up!! He asked if I was all right and I apparently told him very sharply that I was fine an why had he woken me up??? He took himself off downstairs to sleep on the sofa!!!

Oh Mymble you have reminded me of my DBro when he was very young.
He used to sleep walk and used to freak everyone out by going to dark cupboards/ the windows etc. and pointing at them in a silent and disctinctly disturbing way. The worst time was staying in an ancient cottage very near Dartmoor (think creeping mist and pitch dark nights)
He started sleep walking, walked out to to the landing and started pointing at the door to the attic. So far so normal (for him!). He then started babbling in a really distressing manner, then started screaming! me and my sister started freaking out at this point, my mum was clearly weirded out, it was all very scary!
The bloody sod couldn't remember a thing about it, but for the rest of the holiday me and my sister slept in my mums bed!

Kids are really scary when they sleep walk!

Sukey, my husband is a dreadful sleep talker/walker and he gets VERY cross with me when I tell him he's asleep. I always say it's the only time he calls me by my actual name instead of a nickname.

He has - on two separate occasions - punched me in the head in his sleep and a couple of weeks ago he woke me up by saying: "Why don't you just fuck off you fucking c**t."

He's always mortified in the morning, bless him.

The other night I got up for a wee, as
I got back in bed DP asked 'what the heck are you doing? What are you getting in my bed for, there's no room?'

Goldrush

A few days ago I woke up my DH at 5 am to ask him

"How will they stop from getting lost? The people of Iceland? It's all white."

Been watching too much Trapped, I think.

My DP has form for this-

I have had 'brummmmmbrum brum brrrrumbrrrrumm brrrrrum' (went on for some time- he was dreaming he was riding his motor bike apparently.)

Fave though:-

DP: Like that....
Me: What?
DP: We'll take that one....
Me: Aye?
DP: I want that one...

This is sleep shopping for Ducati's. There appears to be a theme.

I should also mention that I have a "sleep voice". Not, as one might imagine, a mumbly and slightly indistinct version of my normal voice. Quite the opposite - I seem to turn into some kind of gung-ho jolly-hockeysticks Hyacinth Bouquet type person

I forgot the one when I was ill...flu and a chest infection, must have been delirious...Ds2 who sleeps across the landing heard me talking to the cat....not any cat, but my first cat, who has been dead for at least ten years...

we were making plans to remove all the doors and replace them with duvets to stop all the draughts.

*Hyacinth Bucket, obviously...

Years ago DS2 got up to go to the loo. I woke up an hour or so later and walked out on to the landing. One wondered what the bloody he'll had happened. There was loo roll the length of the landing. DS2 had got the loo roll caught in the back of his pyjama bottoms. I ha to tiptoe in to his room and delicately lift up the duvet remove the loo roll and roll it up all the way along the landing and back to the bathroom!!!

one I

I recorded myself too (after another thread like this).

I talked about bicycles ("but you could argue that they don't actually go anywhere. The bicycles... they just stand still") and did quite a lot of apologising for something, no idea what!

My DP often dreams about issues at work. He currently drives a truck, so recently was very agitated, insisting that he had to deliver something and needed the forklift. I ended up pretending to drive the forklift, even making the beep beep reversing sound in order to get him to settle down Having told him about it the next day, every now and again he tries it on, the little bastard darling

I have an opposite type story, when I was visiting Asia and was severely jetlagged. I had arranged to meet an old University friend (whom I had a crush on while at Uni). He called the hotel and I answered the phone

I then dreamt that I was talking to this friend and saying 'how dare you for not asking to marry me. I didn't know you would become a millionaire, if I knew, I would have made sure you fell in love with me and we would have babies'.

I then awoke mortified and confused as to whether or not I had actually said these things out loud.

According to the friend I was travelling with, I fell asleep immediately after I answered it and didn't talk to him at all. When I met up with my old University friend, he acted like everything was normal and he said that I said hello and then he couldn't hear anything after that!!

My DS giggles in his sleep, but my DD... well, she not only sleep talks and walks, but she also sleep eats. I've lost count of the times I've had to go down and retrieve her from the depths of the fridge, or the kitchen cupboards and take packets of things like raw bacon out of her hands before she shoves the contents into her mouth. Luckily I'm a light sleeper and manage to steer her away from raw food and back up the stairs/into bed, but it's awkward when she has no recollection of eating the lunchbox snacks.

Once, she fell asleep on the sofa when my DS was doing his homework and there was the following conversation:

Him: "What's a pelvis?"
Her: "It's a type of cat!"
Him: "... where are you?"
Her: (shouting) "I'm in the bloody kitchen!"

She was in the front room and, when we woke her up with our giggling, had absolutely no idea of what we found so funny. Apparently she was dreaming that she was making a cup of coffee (no idea where the cat bit came from, though). We still tease her about it.

My ds1 was a very polite wee boy. He also talks and sometimes walks in his sleep.

One night he farted, and said, "Pardon me."

Three times.

"Pardon me."

"Pardon me."

"Pardon me."

Once, as a teenager, he stayed over at a pal's house and went awandering in the night. He tried to get into bed with his pal's parents.

Not sure if he said, "Pardon me" that time.

DH, in a low hiss: "It's lurking offshore in the half light, when the time is right it will STRIKE!"
I didn't get much sleep after that one. He sleep talks all the time. My favourites (which I've posted here before) are:
"Those prawns are too tall to play badminton. Toooooooo taaaaaaaallllll"
And
"Ach look, it's a gnu, look at the wee gnu, ach...hang on, what's that? [sits up, bellows] FUUUUCK! It's a lion! RUUUUUUUUN! Fucking RUN!" [collapses on bed, snores gently].
I blame David Attenborough

missy I thought DF meant your DAD and read your post getting increasingly horrified

I don't talk in my sleep really because I'd wake myself up. But, when I was very sleep deprived after having DS2 I'd gone for a quick nap whilst DH and my mum watched the boys. DH came to wake me up when DS2 needed feeding and I said, 'Where's DH??' He asked who I thought he was...I don't know.

DH does sleep talk and also will do things/say things when half asleep. When we hadn't been going out long he woke up and called me an 'eejit' (he's Scottish) but couldn't remember why.

Once, when DS1 was a couple of months old, DH had been doing night shifts and was very tired. I changed DS1 in the middle of the night and he managed to pee all over himself but all his clean clothes were downstairs so I woke DH up just to clean DS up a bit and get his nappy on whilst I ran downstairs for a clean sleepsuit. I came back to find DS1 screaming his little heart out and DH pinning him down with a nappy over DS's face. I'd put DS1 down the opposite way round to how DH normally changed him so in his sleep deprived state he thought DS's head was his bum. He couldn't remember it the next day.