Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

[HoneyDragon]

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

The thermostats for the central heating. We have an upstairs one and a downstairs one. The downstairs one can be a bit tricky to get just right, but the bastard upstairs one only has freezing bloody cold or boiling bloody hot. Those temperatures on the dial are totally irrelevant.

I solved the odd socks issue by throwing out any odd sock I came across, no looking for its mate, straight into the clothes recycling.

In unrelated news I had to buy 10 pairs of identical socks for each person in the house as mysteriously no one had any socks left.

My Henry likes me though, possibly because I am a slattern don't overwork him.

The lottery terminal at work. Will it scan fastplay cards for me? Will it hell. A colleague finally takes pity on me, comes over to help, it scans first time. Every time. Gives me the rage!

DH is sitting next to me and wants me to include the door of the bathroom cabinet. We've tried magnets to hold the door shut, still pinged open. So now we have a small bolt and it's even pushing that off, DH has to tighten the screws every couple of weeks.

Hasn't Henry got a pink wife, Hettie? I'm sure he has. I hate him though as well. I've had so many fights with him over socks it's untrue. The swine seeks them out.

Rose, at the charity shop I worked in, we had a Hettie, she was just as annoying as Henry.

Henry does indeed have a wife called Hettie.

I've heard all about their sexual shenanigans, and its quite unsavoury, I can tell you.

they suck each other off with their nozzles

Bastard Henry here too. He thinks I don't take him out enough (he has a point). But when I do, he plays funny buggers. Like today. There was me thinking 'thankfully, for once, he's behaving. Coming to heel when I need him to'. Then, fuck me, he lodges himself behind the sodden door. Refuses to budge. Stubborn sod. And - after one last warning, I yank to get him to move... And he does that toddler thing of throwing himself face down. Deadweight. And even though I can't see his face, I know he's smirking. He knows he's won. I've tried holding out (cause that used to work with dds when they tantrumed on the supermarket floor) but he knows that eventually I'll have to pick him up and beg sweet talk if I want the bloody floor cleaned.

He's in cahoots with the doorbell which randomly ding dongs (it waits till I'm having a wee), making me cut short, get knickers in a twist in my hurried efforts to rush downstairs to answer, only to find there's no-one there. And I just know Henry's sat under the stairs with a fucking smirk on his fucking twat of a face.

Oh and the mid-thread advertising banners on mumsnet. Getsmyfuckinggoat! No matter how carefully I scroll down on my iphone, it opens to some twat of an advert! Well, I've news for you, Mumsnet. IT DOESN'T WORK!! cause I'm so pissed off I refuse to read it. And you trying to get me to read it has merely developed the speed at which I can now quickly click back to the thread so I don't even clock the name of the product. So there. I win.

Oh god, am on a roll here... That stupid robotic voice: 'Please remove last item from the bagging area'. I HAVEN'T PUT ANYTHING IN THE SODDEN BAGGING AREA! THERE IS NOTHING THERE!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

"Please place your item in the bagging area."

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

My dishwasher. I feed it carefully with the best products, ensure rinse aid and salt are kept topped up and it STILL insists in sloshing the food around onto random items then baking them on leaving rock solid smears on everything. Bastard thing.

RealHuman

Oh god, the bagging area. I refuse to use it anymore. How the fuck is the item unexpected? You just told me to put it there!

The unexpected item is always insufferably expected though isn't it? Like a tin of beans or a newspaper.

makes you want to go to the nearest zoo, steal a Humbolt and plonk the little black and white fucker on it. Nothing is more unexpected than a misplaced penguin.

My hoover apparently the hose extends up 13 stairs does it hell it goes halfway up and the hoover tips over i hate it. My hand held steamer dripped and scalded me its now in the back of a cupboard

dh can't understand how I managed to break two dysons (spell-check helpfully suggested 'disown' which sums it up ). I've now put him in charge of doing the stairs to see what happens...

So even fancy pants dysons dont do stairs. Mines a hoover hoover its a sod that leaves me with half hoovered stairs

I was about to get a Henry but dh insisted on glueing the dyson back together.... Lucky escape by the sound of this thread!

Bobbles and hair grips. I spend the equivalent of the GDP of a small country on hair furniture every year but dd1 eats the hairgrips (she must do, where else can 1,546,246,476 of the fuckers go every week) and when I need to do dd2's hair quickly in the morning I can't find any fucking bobbles. Then when I'm hoovering up they all magically reappear in the hoover hose. Fucking bastarding fuckers. I have a short crop. It won't be long before the dd's do as well mwahahahaha

Wandering rugs, COATHANGERS omg we have millions of the fuckers but never enough of whichever size I need at that precice moment, socks, recalcitrant hoovers - pretty much all of the above tbh makes me properly angry.

Oh please let there be a penguin in the bagging area next time.

I have a lovely mental picture of HoneyDragon marching into her local Sainsburys, with a penguin under her arm, plonking it in the baby seat of the trolley whilst she does her shopping, dealing with its tantrum when she wont buy it mackerel from the fish counter, and then laughing maniacally as she puts it in the bagging area and watches the self service till have a complete breakdownM

All this with an innocent, nothing-to-see-here expression on her face (up to the maniacal laughing bit).

PS - please can we have a penguin smiley, MNHQ - pretty please?!

SDTG you know me well enough to know I would if I could.

I already get followed around birdland when I take the kids, ever since they caught me measuring the wall, asking how high penguins can jump and if one did happen to disappear would they class it as an escapee rather than stolen. Suspicious over protective bastards.

What nasty, suspicious minds they have. Unasseptable.

So even fancy pants dysons dont do stairs

That's because they are the bastard offspring of a Dalek and a Hetty

This is what happens if you leave Hetty and Henry unsupervised

Awwwww. A baby Hetty. ,