To be slightly mortified

[Allinson2014]

A delivery driver just came to the door. I opened the door and said "chicken". I've no idea why. He looked like this and then ran away. I've no explanation apart from my DD is teething and thinks sleep is for wimps at the moment.

[PeeNoMore]

Shameless place marking

[Velocitractor]

I was once in town (on my own, but dc's were about 5 and 7 at the time) and an elderly tripped slightly on the pavement. Without thinking I reached forward to catch her arm, whilst simultaneously singing (in a la-di-da voice) "Up again". She was thankfully ok but I still feel like a twat when I think of it.

[Velocitractor]

*an elderly lady

[YouAintSeenNothingYet]

I usually shop with my toddler and keep up a running commentary. The other day I was looking at the bread and saying out loud, 'Oooh bread, what kind of yummy bread shall we get?' and then looked up and remembered that I was shopping alone, and saw a man next to me looking pretty nervous.

[YouAintSeenNothingYet]

By the way I have been crying laughing at some of these!!!

[LaurieFairyCake]

On the tube late (after a few glasses) the couple next to me were getting it on a bit (she seemed less keen) and I accidentally said out loud as I was thinking it

"I really wouldn't he looks dirty" in a real 'Mum' voice

She stopped

[CheeseandPickledOnion]

This has had me muffling my laughs on a conference call.

[Allinson2014]

Hahaha Moly pa pri ka. I just laughed so much I woke DD up

[SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed]

DH has reminded me about this - years ago in a seminar, I meant to say the word 'testosterone', but for some reason my mouth wouldn't cooperate and it came out as 'sausages'.

[MrsBigginsPieShop]

First MN thread to actually make me cry laughing! Pa pri ka!!!!

sorry nothing to ass myself

[MrsBigginsPieShop]

*add myself

[MN216]

These are hilarious, especially Moly which made me spit out my tea. The only one I can offer is one morning instead of saying "Love you loads" to my DS (16) as he went off to school, for some unfathomable reason I came out with "Love you long-time" in a sort of back-streets of Bangkok voice... took some explaining, that one.

[knittingirl]

I'm in stitches, you guys are seriously brightening up my day!

[TRexingInAsda]

These are all fecking brilliant!! I have a couple, ahem:

Referring to myself as mummy - more than once - not my kid or not a kid at all. I even did it to dh once "give mummy a kiss". He thought I was being freaky so I just went with it, haha, ew!!

Seeing dh walking down the path, opening the obscure glazed front door and greeting him braless and half naked (the bottom half!) with open arms - only to realise it was not dh, it was the window cleaner.

Using the phrase 'double entry' (to describe 2 diary entries) to my boss in a meeting.

There'll be more too, but these are what leap to mind!

[cozietoesie]

....'sausages'.....???

[Hoppinggreen]

One of the school Dads is " forrin" and is rather hunky.
I was greeting everyone as they arrived at DD's party and as he walked in one of DD's friends walked in behind him looking lovely in her new dress.
" oh don't you look gorgeous!!" I exclaimed - apparently to hot school Dad.
He looked very scared .

[Witchofthenorth]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh my good fucking god I can't breathe

[Tweennightmare]

One time I was in a lift with the DC and quite a few people were getting in. realising we had to all squash up I grabbed DS by the shoulders and said in quite a stern voice "will you just move back so these people can get in" . Only it wasn't DS next to me it was a short Asian man! DS was on my other side We had to share the lift for 10 long floors!!

[Adarajames]

You bad bad mumsnetters, I'm going to have to sue you for ribs damaged whilst laughing uncontrollably!

[cashewnutty]

Once on the way to a girly weekend - me and three friends in the car - i looked out the window and spotted a field of pigs pointed at them and said loudly "Ooh what does the piggy say? The piggy says oink oink" complete with full on piggy snorts.

Oh how my friends laughed and they still rib me about it even though my youngest is now 17!

[petitdonkey]

MolyHoly - that is just brilliant!!!

[TweenageAngst]

I had a child with a broken arm.....at home
I had a patient at work... who had two broken arms, at supper time I said... "let mummy cut your dinner up for you"
Patient did not miss a beat and replied "only if mummy will kiss my hurty arm better"
we both went bright red and then laughed like drains

[AccidentallyInLove]

These are amazing

I was in a supermarket once and saw my cousin from behind looking at the magazines. I ran up grabbed her shoulders and shouted 'boo!!' right in her face.. Turns out it wasn't my cousin?. But to make it even worse it was a girl from school who I had never spoken to but we knew who each other were.. I had to pretend it was normal to act like this with her and asked her how she was whilst she stared awkwardly at me nodding her head.

In the same supermarket (haha!) I saw my friends gran so I ran up to her saying 'hiya how are you? Ive not seen you in ages!' .. It wasn't her, it was Audrey from corrie!!

I'm usually really good at faces as well

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

In the craft block at my secondary school, the metalwork and woodwork rooms were downstairs, and the cookery and needlework rooms were upstairs. The school had been a secondary modern, where the girls did needlework and cookery and the boys did metalwork and woodwork - so the boys loos were downstairs, and the girls loos were upstairs - and because everyone knew this, they didn't bother putting Girls or Boys on the loo doors.

The year I started there was its first year as a comprehensive, and there was a shakeup in the curriculum, including crafts - everyone did all the crafts, and I started off in woodwork. I needed to go to the loo, and headed out - the loo didn't say Boys on it, so I went in. I was a bit perplexed by the strange sinks and there being only one cubicle, but went to the loo anyway. It was only when I came out, and met one of the boys from my class coming in, that the penny finally dropped!

Thankfully he never told anyone about my gaffe - which was a bloody miracle, considering that I was already being bullied by that point, and he was friends with the bullies.