To be slightly mortified

[Allinson2014]

A delivery driver just came to the door. I opened the door and said "chicken". I've no idea why. He looked like this and then ran away. I've no explanation apart from my DD is teething and thinks sleep is for wimps at the moment.

[HouseAtreides]

DH offered me a taste of his Dr Who once :o
He was drinking a can of ginger beer but thinking about Dr Who.
"Would you like to try my Dr Who?"

[BattlestarSpectacular]

My cousin is great at doing these sorts of things.
She was babysitting her parents dog called Skip when they went on their holidays and was also having some major home renovations (obviously must thrive on being busy).
Anyway, she was getting rid of the old kirchen units and rubble and the skip removal people turned up early one morning when she had just come out of the shower.
She ran to the door and opened it forgetting about the dog, who shot out onto the road. So she ran out in just a towel yelling for him to come back. Only when she saw the bemused face of the delivery man she realised that from his perspective my cousin had run out half naked chasing the lorry shouting "Skip, Skip" at the skip loaded onto the back!

[SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed]

I nudged the person sitting next to me on the bus and said in a very enthusiastic tone, 'Ooh, look, a rabbit'. Unfortunately, the person sitting next to me wasn't DS, it was middle aged man who gave me a look that suggested I wasn't quite right and then got off at the next stop.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Sallysimpson - someone who is rude to the cashier, and doesn't say thank you, needs telling! They should be ashamed, not you!

"I answered a perfectly normal question in a tone that suggested she wasn't going to get any sweets for a month."

That made me laugh out loud, SaucyJack!!

I once brought most of the playground at school to a dead stop. Ds3 was about 3, and was running around whilst we were waiting for the bell to go, and his older brothers to go into school - and I spotted him at the newly planted flower beds, about to pull up a plant. I was too far away to grab him, so I shouted "Stop that NOW!!" - and everyone froze on the spot, and looked at me like this - !!

[MeganChips]

These are brilliant!

I once called my boss Mum in the middle of a meeting with lots of other colleagues. It took me ages to live it down.

[TruJay]

Haha saskia that really made me laugh.

I once took toddler DS for a walk down to the shop to buy him some magic stars, we walked into the shop and he picked up an orange shouting "orange please" and without thinking I just replied "no, we didn't come for fruit, we came for chocolate" safe to say I got a few funny looks for discouraging my son's healthy appetite!

He's still the same now, he won on the coconut shy at a local fair and the lady offered him a box of chocolates to chose one from and he said "could I have a carrot instead please?"

[TruJay]

*choose

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

HouseAtreides, I found that quite touching! "Thinking about Dr Who"

when DH and I got married, i ended up in hospital . DH was sitting on a chair with his legs sort of crossed and his hand resting on his shoe (of course he had polished in honour of the day). Later on he put his head in his hands like you do when you're tired, I looked at him and he (obliviously) had a huge black handprint across his face

I really wanted NOT to tell him but I was laughing too hard to keep it to myself.

Since then he always does something to make me laugh when I'm in hospital. Brightens the day!

[BigRedBall]

chicken

hilarious! Sorry OP!

[popcornpaws]

My cousin had a poodle named gypsy (many many years ago) and one day the door went so when she answered it the dog ran out and the person standing on the doorstep asked if she wanted to buy some lucky white heather… she said she had no money on her and said sorry.
As the lucky white heather seller was walking out the garden my cousin shouted the dog back, booming GYPSEEEEY at the top of her voice, the woman ran back to the door and put a "curse" on her!!!

[HighwayDragon]

I've done a few of these.

I was in a supermarket, dd was being rude so i said to her EXCUSE ME?! look up and the 3 nurses in front of me had literally thrown their teabags into the trolley and leapt out of the way

Shouted STOP!! at dd in the park, every single child and adult stopped dead still...

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

What is it with talking to people in shops, I wonder?

One year I was planning to get a real Xmas tree as a treat for the DCs. I kept telling them I was planning a surprise but it was a secret. On Xmas tree day, I went off saying to the DC "are you ready for your secret surprise?"

Got to Homebase, couldn't see the Xmas trees, so went up to a member of staff and said.."Please can you tell me where you keep the secret surprises?"

[SummerHouse]

A colleague in a seminar once accidentally said facefuck instead of Facebook.

I.e. how do we reach these customers? Answer: we could facefuck them.

That will reach them alright.

[JemimaPuddlePop]

Has anyone ever said 'Let mummy do it' or similar to a random toddler?

I was at the playground with the dc a few months ago (7 and 4)...they were off playing, I was sat on a bench quite near a sandpit.

There was a 18 month ish boy in the sandpit next to me, and he was struggling to take the lid off a toy bucket. I watched for a few seconds (No parent easily identifiable) and asked if he wanted help, which he shook his head at. He carried on struggling, then looked up and half-held it out to me. So as I smiled and lent down to help, the words 'Come on, let mummy do it' slipped out.

I glanced up and there was a horrified-looking woman standing there, who'd clearly heared what I'd said and proceeded to grab her child away from the delusional lunatic/possible kidnapper and scarper

[SummerHouse]

Jemima

Totally different scenario but that reminded me I once called my GCSE art teacher dad

[VeryAgedParent]

Dh is a builder and is always thinking about work, what he has to do the next day what tools he needs etc. One evening after he had eaten his dinner he asked me "Is there any of that lovely Black and Decker pudding you made yesterday left?"
It took me a moment to realise he meant bread and butter pudding!

[CanadianJohn]

I had just moved to this house, and was getting acquainted with the neighbour. He told me he had just retired.

"How much is your pension?" I asked politely.

[Simbaline]

Years ago we were in Austria and met a lovely Welsh family in our hotel with a little boy called Morgan. The first morning they walked into the dining room for breakfast and the little boy ran ahead. The mum shouted "Morgan " in a loud, cross voice and every German speaker thought she was shouting good morning like she was upset they hadn't already said anything! She had lots of looks and a few bemused "Morgen" back!

[holdonaminute]

Many moons ago when I was an eager but very very nervous young graduate, I went for an interview with one of the "Top 4" accountancy firms.

During one of my answers I meant to use the word "hardship" but it came out loud and clear as "hardshit"

I didn't get the job. Can't think why :)

[abigamarone]

Working on a checkout once, no customers, so for some unfathomable reason I shut my eyes and started singing (WHY?) I'd like to think it was only for a fraction of a second...anyway opened my eyes to find a customer waiting, grinning ear to ear, saying he didn't like to disturb me.

[Twirlwirlywoo]

This has made me laugh out loud!! Hahahahahahahaha - How bloody random!!

Chicken!!!

[TapDancingMollusc]

My daughter aged 2 was a bolter. So she was usually on reins but ex had said he would hold her hand and not let her go.

Needless to say, she was free in seconds. As she galloped across to the road I bellowed "DD, where are you off to?" and a woman in front of me suddenly stopped, looked round nervously and whispered "mcdonalds" looking absolutely terrified. You've guessed it, she had the same name as DD.

[MaryBerrysLostCherry]

DS was at the toilets in the swimming pool changing rooms. He'd been a while and as he walked back I said "what have you been at you gorgeous boy". How I didn't notice the 6ft plus Adonis between us I will never know. Didn't even see him until Adonis politely said "swimming". Ground swallow me please.

[molyholy]

I had once dyed my hair a really bright colour. The window cleaner knocked for payment and I think he was a bit taken aback by the colour. He said 'what colour do you call that?' and for some reason, that I will never be able to fathom, I shook my butt and said 'Pa-pri-ka' in a Mexican accent

I couldn't shut the door fast enough and my DH still takes the piss.

FWIW, I now have dark brown hair

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Oh thank fuck its not just me! As I passed another dog walker (older bloke) I blurted out 'no balls' ... went bright red and ran on, lucky we were going in opposite directions