Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

[Only1scoop]

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much.... he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone

[Shia]

I was already laughing at the budgie reference then along came the poo in Pound Stretcher and I laughed so loudly my puppy woke up and was scared!

[gottachangethename1]

I loved 'hairpiece Harry' the best. Great thread.

[Shia]

Alter, you are worried about outing yourself. Just how many people do you think have pooed themselves in a Poundstretchers?

I wonder if the cleaner gave in their notice?

[SalemsCity]

When you said about the budgie it reminded me of the guy who was scared of my yorkshire terrier. Like properly shit himself frightened (not literally shit himself though! )

also the guy who said 'I love you' after one date.

and I had a couple of silent bed partners. I mean don't get me wrong I'm no screamer but these were literally completely silent.

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

Alter wins the internet with that one I think!

[JaneFonda]

This thread is fantastic. :o

[sunflower49]

It is!
But don't think anything will meet poundstretcherpoo guy.

[AlleyCat11]

Pinky & Perky. Too funny!
A bloke once called my boobs "the twins".
He still lives at home with Mum & Dad...

[Smilesandpiles]

We were at a quiz night and one of the questions was something about the song Chocolate balls or something from South Park.

He then decided to yell badly sing the entire song, "Kyle's mum is a big fat bitch". He was in his 40's. I can still see the looks on our mates faces, a mixture of awkwardness, disbelief and sympathy for me. I could hardly believe it was happening myself. A proper, "please god, open up the groud and let it swallow me whole" moment.

I never went anywhere with him since.

[Favouriteblanky]

These are too hilarious, can't breathe for laughing at the Poundstretcher Pooer! WTAF??

[FruitOwl]

A particular highlight was a boyfriend I had when I was about 18. I'd just been away working in Greece and had been living in a tent on the beach for that whole time, so was mighty sick of the sight of canvas at the end of it. When I got back, he took me for a surprise weekend away...camping. I should have shoved a tent pole up his arse.

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

I've had a clothes-folder, an asker and a thanker afterwardser.

It was the same bloke and he turned out to be a complete wanker who used to pick up his DC and leave them with me when an emergency came up. That emergency being him fucking their mother.
Or his SiL.

[OneLittleLady]

One ex, when very drunk, called me and I didn't answer so he left me a voice mail message of him saying/singing 'I just called to say I love you' I definitely cringed

[TheCunkOfPhilomena]

Oh god, I was a clothes folder

Wonder why I'm single...

[Monopolice]

OneLittleLady did he sing it ala Stevie Wonder stylie?

[FickleUsernameChooser]

A month in he got a custom engraved dogtag (from Pets at Home) saying "Property of FickleUsernameChooser" and took to wearing it 24/7 until I told him to stop being so f'ing ridiculous. He was mid 20s.

[FickleUsernameChooser]

Ooo and there was the one that was never a BF. Caught a local snake and presented it in a fish bowl to a rather confused me. Phoned his dear old mum and told her that he had met a girl and was going to bring her back to the old country.

I have never run so fast in my life. Last thing I heard was the wail of "But mamma has been saving for our house!"

[OneLittleLady]

he did monopolice it was both hilarious and cringeworthy

[kentishgirl]

I had a clothes folder too. And he also used to have to take his nightly vitamin tablets first.

He also had short cropped hair (number 3ish) and it was going grey so he'd dye it black. OK. Until he started losing his hair and it got very thinly spaced out, then he was mostly dying his head. In a hairline shaped blob of black dyed skin. He essentially painted his head black to pretend he had hair.With dye dribbles coming down his face sometimes. Everyone - not just me- was very relieved when he gave in and started shaving it all off bald instead.

AND he used to wear those plastic fake leather trousers that were fashionable(ish, for women) about 15 years previously. He stopped after we went to a fancy dress contest and he wore them as part of the costume and everyone pissed themselves and asked how I'd managed to persuade him to wear them, and how brave he was to make himself look so stupid for a costume (people not realising he also wore them seriously). That finally got the message across.

And he used to do weird dance routines like 70s male singing groups like Jacksons or Four Tops, all walking up and down, and turns, and finger clicking and pointing.

WTF was I on at the time? I used to cringe but stayed with him for years. I must thrive on embarrassment.