Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

[EauRouge]

Fuck. Ing. Hell.

If they need stuff for a kitchen, buy them a wooden spoon. And write on the label 'HTH'.

[TheFairyCaravan]

OMG!

Tell us more about the wedding.......

[Retropear]

No.way!!!

You sooooo have to send one of the replies below(and report back).

Pleeeeease!

[KEGirlOnFire]

Can I just say that my family run a wedding business and wishing wells and wishing trees are actually very popular at the moment. BUT they are for putting lovely notes in them (on cards provided) for the bride & groom - NOT MONEY!!!

As you were...

[mummaduke]

No no noooo I can't/don't believe you!!!

Really???!!!

REEEAAALLLY?

[TSSDNCOP]

I'm not paying for your kitchen
So FFS stop your bitching
If you must continue very well
Let me show you where to shove your bell

[GrowlLikeMargeSimpson]

A wedding is a celebration
Not a money making operation
I hope you enjoy your lovely new kitchen
I hope I've heard the last of your bitchin'

[DidoTheDodo]

My gob is thoroughly smacked by this. It's a WINNER!
(Do people actually DO this? On what planet is this acceptable?)

[LineRunner]

Fuck your wedding extravaganza
And fuck your shitty wedding stanza

[GobblersKnob]

Speechless, omg

[Suzannewithaplan]

If I'd received that 'verse' I don't think I could bring myself to respond, I'd be embarrassed to engage with someone who could issue such absolute dross.
Could the bar be set any lower?
Do you like this couple OP, I mean do you find them good company?

[Mrsgrumble]

No way. That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard. I would be tempted to print out these pages and post them to the happy grabby couple.

[FruVikingessOla]

Wow! No?!

Love all the poems. Send them all, Weddingpoet

[BBQsAreSooooOverrated]

WTAF that's awful. Really awful!

[Mrsmorton]

linerunner brilliant.

I love all of the return poems. MN has talent.

[Weddingpoet]

Ok more details

They are both twentysomethings. He has been married before and has five children with three other women. He had a stand up row with his own mother at the reception after she came down for the evening bit in a dress that looked rather too much like a wedding dress, having worn something like a 17 year old might go clubbing in to the church service. Bride and groom have known each other less than a year and were given £15k by parents as a house deposit as a wedding present.

It might have been a live wedding thread had there been any 3G signal at the reception venue.

[ThatWasNice]

OMG! I can barely believe this.

[madasa]

Gob well and truly smacked

[Suzannewithaplan]

My vote goes to linerunners pithy response, I don't think anyone should really waste the effort required to compose more than a couple of lines

[Suzannewithaplan]

Did Jeremy Kyle show up?

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

What do you think will last longest op? The marriage or the building work on the kitchen?

[GrowlLikeMargeSimpson]

Do you get a full refund if the marriage lasts less than 2 years?

[Piratejones]

What do you think will last longest op? The marriage or the building work on the kitchen?

Or the mothers hangover.