Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

[Weddingpoet]

It was emailed last night and I picked it up this morning. Yes I did give them a cash gift.

[mrstiggy]

No one is actually that rude surely! That's just bloody awful.

[Whereisegg]

I really don't want to believe this, but I think I do.

[Numanoid]

Oh, please use Pirate's reply.

As for the poem: no words. Well, just one: grabby!

[GrowlLikeMargeSimpson]

Do tell us more about the wedding reception, so far it sounds very tacky interesting and unusual.

[HelpMeGetOutOfHere]

wow so they sent that vulgar poem to everyone, and risked offending those that had already given cash by implying that they had not received enough!

[sebsmummy1]

So they counted up the cash, decided it wasn't enough and am now trying to badger their guests to top up their cash gifts. It's so vulgar and grabby I actually feel quite unclean reading it. Personally I would knock them off the Christmas card list, they'll be expecting you to shove £20 in there!

[BitOutOfPractice]

I think your note is rather shabby
Not to mention rude and grabby
The only thing I'll ring, by heck
Is not a bell but your pure brass neck

[Piratejones]

Bit
That's brilliant, Op use that one.

[Cocolepew]

[Suzannewithaplan]

It's not the 'grabby' nature of it that I find offensive, it's the ghastly, dire, painful to read utter lack of poetry in the poem.

It doesn't qualify as a poem, it is several leagues beneath doggerel.

[BeckAndCall]

bit - genius.

[Suzannewithaplan]

Bit, I think you just need to drop the word 'pure' from the last line for your witty ditty to scan properly

[scarletforya]

Oh. My. God.



The shame!

[Pagwatch]

It is impressive. It literally has no redeeming feature - that's amazing!

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

A wedding request is all well and good
Be we already paid for all that food.
A kitchen's swell - we all agree -
But nothing in this world is free.
A gift of cash freely offered
Is a thing of kindness once proferred,
But to turn around after the day
And wish for more? What can I say?!
It's grabby, selfish, greedy too
All that joy given to you
Has been thrown back without a thought
For other's needs, and what they brought.
So to my point! This is not the ticket!
Take your grabbiness and stick it!

[aJumpedUpPantryBoy]

Cash you asked for, and that is greed
A new kitchen is not a need
I did put money in tthe pot
You should be grateful for what you got.
Take your naff wishing well
And former friend, go to hell

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

How much was the meal, op?

I wonder if people were taking the cost of it out of their gift budget?

Or dipping into the wishing well and taking the cost of the meal out.

Are there photos of the wishing well???

I think I'm more shocked about having to buy your own food.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Sorry about that Wordsworth!

Op I am do aghast at that note I have had to sit down and read it again. Absolutely speechless.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Sorry my envelope was a bit thinner
You see we had to buy our own dinner
If you had done the decent thing
There would be no need to write or ring
A meal is usually provided you see
I gave a bit less as we paid for our tea.

[magimedi]

Words fail me.

[Charlesroi]

Wow, these people spent their wedding night counting money. Wow. I hope anyone who forgot to ring the bell sends them a tub of tile grout.
Can't wait for the thank you note.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Or, send a traditional wedding telegram that reads:

FUCK YOU. STOP. STRONG LETTER FOLLOWS. STOP

[hollyisalovelyname]

Tell us more....... please
What kind of people are they?
What age?
How did they get together- both so mean and grabby.
You had to pay for your meal at the reception!!!!!!
I am gobsmacked at their audacity.
Bit your poem is brilliant.

[sebsmummy1]

I am chortling at the return poems lol