What happens to people after they die in hospital

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I don't know what's made me wonder this morning. A few years ago my DM died in hospital. We said our goodbyes and left her in the room, looking like she was sleeping. The hospital was fairly busy during this time, think it was visiting hours.

What will have happened after we left? Will they have treated her as if she were still alive, talked to her? Do they really cover up their faces? And how are they taken to the morgue?

Just want to know. Really missing DM.

Another nurse here who has treated people after death and agree with all that has been said-talking to the person, opening the window, RIP in the notes etc. I also remember as a student nurse the staff nurse I was with opening the book of psalms at "The Lord is my shepherd" and leaving it on the bedside table with a flower lain across the page.

Of course I don't mind, holgerdanske.

thinking of you and your Gran x

(Flowers were for Squak)

People may find the article I'm going to link interesting. It describes how the writer's mum died at home and the writer washed and cared for her. It's very moving I think. Obviously it's a different experience from those the wonderful nurses on this thread have described but there are many similarities and it's so important to talk about this.

Link

I've been with many as they've passed (hospice). As others have said, we always open a window, dress in clean, white sheets, and lay a flower in the middle of the body. Always done with respect.

WandaFuca - your post has done for me.

My nana died alone. Son 1 - couldn't face going. Son 2 - was in the bath.
Me - was 100s of miles away, 9 months pregnant. Where were the hospice staff? Everyone knew she would die that day .

mrsmaturin what a lovely article.

mrsminiverscharlady -your last comment was very moving too. About no one should die without a hand to hold.

Bandaging up a penis? .

This thread is lovely, it would definitely be good to see it moved somewhere more permanent.

As an aside, when I went to see my granddad at the funeral directors it was one of the hardest things I've done, but it was so nice to see how they treated him. They'd dressed him in the clothes we'd chosen, and when we went in, they offered to remove his wedding ring beforehand, but advised us that if we were used to seeing him wearing it, it might be better to leave it on until just before the funeral.

Then when we were ready, they said, "He's just in the room on the right, as you go in. If you need anything, we'll be just here." That touched me, I don't know why but I didn't expect them to still speak of him as though he were alive.

The nicest thing though, was our lovely funeral director phoning us that evening to see how we were, and to make sure the visit hadn't upset us too much.

How lovely lollipop

When I've cared for people after they have died I've always as has every other nurse I've worked with has cared for the patient as if they were still alive, with care and dignity. I've held people hands as they passed so that they wouldn't be alone, I couldn't bare the thought of someone dying without someone there.
In my current job it's not something I have to do (outpatients) and I miss it, being able to give that patient the last act of kindness I can give them was always special to me.

Oh this makes me remember a lovely lady I looked after. She had breast cancer which had metastasised to her brain. She'd come to a and e a few times with fits and I'd nursed her and met her husband. On the day she died, I just happened to be working an extra shift on the admission unit. I sat with her and her husband as she died and then we laid her out together. Unorthodox but he'd been her carer for so long, it felt right. He used to come and visit me years later. Bless him.

I'm a midwife. After a baby has been stillborn there's various things we do.

Normally fairly soon after the baby is born we take photos, hand prints, foot prints, hair clipping. All with permission from the parents or it won't be done. We'd normally dress the baby, including a nappy.

The baby will stay with the parents for as long as they want. Once they're ready to say goodbye then we take the baby to an empty room or treatment room. We have a special wooden casket ready. The baby is wrapped and gently placed in the casket. I will pad the casket out with rolled up towels.

Everyone I know talks to the babies during all of the above.

I've certainly stayed late after a shift has finished, sometimes for hours so it can be me who gets the baby into the casket rather than a midwife who hasn't got to know the parents. Saying goodbye is so hard.

A porter will normally take the baby to the mortuary. I've done it once when the parents asked me to.

Oh yes, I will always try to put a flower in the casket.

Which involves some surreptitious pinching of one flower from a bunch on someone's bedside locker at times.

Did anybody else's ward have the 'good tea set' that was kept for using for bereaved relatives? It was a comforting little ritual setting it all up, you can't do much to make that time better but a cup of tea is such an instinctive thing to provide.
It was just a small touch, but so much nicer than individual hospital standard mugs.

I spent ages choosing a 'good tea set' for my ward when I took over as Ward Manager.

I've shed a tear arriving at work and going to make a brew in the kitchen on my way in, seeing it on the draining board as I know what's happened overnight.

Alex (see my post way upthread) yes we were given tea in nice china. It was such a thoughtful touch. Can I say Thank you, one stranger to another, one bereaved relative to a HCP, thank you so much.

Another nurse here. Will confirm what the other nurses say because it will reassure those who have lost relatives and friends. We always treat patients who have died with respect, wash them, talking all the time, sometimes shedding a tear or more because we too get very close to patients and feel so sad when they have passed.

I always remember being taught from a more senior nurse that every patient has a parent, brother or sister, child etc and to remember that they could be your parent, brother, son etc. This puts it all into perspective. Another senior nurse who saw many, many patients die took a spiritual approach saying that more often than not, her patients saw their old pets or dead relatives before they died and she insisted that the window was opened after they died to let the spirit pass. She also used to say that some patients seemed to wait for relatives to arrive before they died and others waited until they left, which always seemed to totally fit into their characters and personalities.

for you OP

Oh how lovely about the tea set. :)

Oh Breeze you've hit on something my granddad told us. He was in a medically induced coma for 24 hours, on a ventilator etc. He said, a few days later, that during that 24 hours, he'd dreamt our recently passed golden retriever had come up to him, and nudged him, trying to get him to follow.

My granddad told him "get lost, I'm not coming with you yet!"

My gran has also been with people as they were dying (she's a retired nurse) and said they'd pointed out people to her that only they could see.

It's just a little way of providing comfort to people at potentially the worst time of their life. Any good nurse knows that little things matter.

Deepthought It's been said many times on this thread but it really is a privilege, it's the very last care and love we can give to them. Looking after the family is just as important and we endeavour to make it as easy a time as possible, there are no second chances as that experience will stay with the family forever.

I can remember the names of people I've been with at the end of their lives from over 20 years ago, it is indeed a privilege.

Ah feck it, crying here. God but this thread is wonderful, so tender and uplifting.