What happens to people after they die in hospital

[Unsureif]

I don't know what's made me wonder this morning. A few years ago my DM died in hospital. We said our goodbyes and left her in the room, looking like she was sleeping. The hospital was fairly busy during this time, think it was visiting hours.

What will have happened after we left? Will they have treated her as if she were still alive, talked to her? Do they really cover up their faces? And how are they taken to the morgue?

Just want to know. Really missing DM.

Condolences to you Unsureif. It's a dreadful time.
The process after death is not something I have really thought about, although Gps and DF died in hospital. The opening of the window to let the spirit out is lovely, just lovely.
DayshiftDoris, what a beautiful post.

When I was in hospital, the lady opposite me passed away with no family there, the nurses took it in turns to sit with her, with the curtains closed. I could hear them talking to her and just treating her with the utmost respect and kindness. They were in tears, I will never forget how much they cared.

A slight tangent, but I was so comforted to learn that the funeral parlour worker was a former nurse. To her, she regarded the laying out of the dead as a continuation of the process of life. I think we often (probably through fear) think such people are a bit weird or macabre, but this woman truly took a pride in what she did. A very special person who played a very important role in us coming to terms with our Mother's death.

I've been a nurse for over forty years. I absolutely agree with others that yes, we do talk to deceased patients and treat them with dignity and respect. If anyone did otherwise, I would report them, no question.

On a separate note, this is not the first time I've seen PirateJones crash into a sensitive thread with an appallingly ill-judged (being kind here) remark, then retract it and go on and on and on, potentially derailing the thread. I've therefore asked MNHQ to take a look at her posting pattern, rather than just individual reported posts.

My mum died at home and I remember listening to the 2 nurses (from Marie Curie and MacMillan) talking to her throughout getting her ready for the undertakers to arrive. It was lovely to hear even if I did laugh slightly when they went to remove her teeth - she'd have hated that but it lightened the mood a bit. For us anyway, may be others would be horrified at that. I just remember it being respectful and peaceful.

Thanks Op

My dad died recently and it's lovely to hear how he would have been treated.

Thank you to all the amazing HCPs on this thread - absolutely the NHS and humanity at its very best. I am in awe of you all. My son died 4 years ago and my brother died very recently and it's very reassuring to hear about the end of life care and the dignity afforded to those who have died.

Hugs to OP. Hope you have found some comfort here.

I used to work in a care home and like others have said, the utmost care and respect was always given.

Very often there were people with no relatives nearby, so if we knew that one of our residents was getting weaker, one member of staff's patients would be re-allocated across the team so that there was someone free to sit and be with the patient so that they were not alone when they passed. They would just chat to them, hold their hand and just be a gentle presence to keep them company.

Sorry to hear about your Mum, Unsureif

Despite the sad topic, this is a lovely, reassuring thread. My Gran died in a nursing home a couple of years ago, surrounded by her children. However, they left before she could be taken away as they imagined it would be quite unpleasant - as much as I've tried not to, the thought of what happened after they left is something I've dwelt on and tried to picture. It's nice to hear how she would have been treated.

I remember my Mum saying that, in the morning when her breathing changed and the nurses knew it wouldn't be long, one of them opened a window to let the spirit out when the time came. For some reason that stuck in my mind as a beautiful gesture, whatever your personal beliefs.

Im a former nurse OP.

We washed the patient in a respectful manner and covered them with a hospital gown and clean white sheet. We would talk to them.

We would make the room tidy with space around the bed for relatives.

After relatives had time with their loved one the patient was taken to the hospital morgue.

Always talk to the person who has died.
I have usually known them a while so "we" have a chat and it helps me and junior colleagues as well.
Wash them as gently as we can and I like to make them smell nice if they have some nice soap or body spray I will use that.
Relatives sometimes ask for make up to be done and I brush their hair.

They are wrapped in a clean sheet and the window is opened.
The ward doors are monitored so that they are taken to the mortuary in a discreet way as far as possible.

I saw my Nanna very soon after she had died in hospital. She was still on the ward and the nurses had dressed her in a clean nightgown, brushed her hair and placed a gerbora flower in her hands. She looked so peaceful, just as if she was asleep. I bent over and kissed her and whispered I loved her. I smelled her hair. Whenever I think about her, that's the picture I always think of first. I'm so thankful to all the staff who gave me such a comforting memory.

dayshiftdoris thank you. The hardest thing I ever had to do was to leave my dd in her Moses basket when I was discharged. Our wonderful midwife stayed with her and insured us she would accompany her to the mortuary. You have no idea how much this little gesture means.

I've only ever performed last offices on babies so I'm not sure about adults but where I worked a nurse had to go down to the morgue with a porter, it would be the nurse carrying the baby. We would have washed and dressed them, sometimes the parents preferred to help and sometimes they preferred for us to do it. I always talked to the baby "sorry poppet", "here's a nice clean babygro for you", that sort of thing. I've certainly never seen a baby left in anywhere other than a side room or rooming in room. I would assume adults are the same.

Seconding all the nice posts above.

When I was still on the wards when a patient passed it was a point of honour/respect to be the one to accompany the patient to the morgue. It was seen as the final act of care to ensure they were still treated in death as in life, with care and respect.

The thing is that sometime actions can be misunderstood, I once had a patient who was a member of a fairly obscure religious sect. One of their beliefs/ rituals was for a large number of their community to pray loudly over the person who was dying until they were gone. If I remember correctly the belief was that the last thing the person should hear was this prayer, so the praying went on 24 hours a day. Of course we couldn't say exactly how long this could take.

Obviously due to the other patients needs this couldn't happen in an open ward, and the private rooms were too small to contain the patient, equipment needed to keep the patient comfortable and the required amount of community members.

We had a large treatment room that was being used as a storage room/ ad hoc meeting room/ break room when staff couldn't leave the ward due to crap staffing etc.

So we cleared it out, tidied it up, and moved the patient in there it was actually no different to them being in a deluxe private room. It was a great comfort to the patients family and community, to the point that over 20 years later they still donate to the hospital charity in the patients and the wards name.

However looked at in the wrong context this could be seen by others as horrible treatment. In an age of phone cameras, a 'before' pic of this room would have been on the front page of the Daily Mail.

flipflop what a truly special person you are.

I would just like to add my heartfelt thanks to all the HCP's who have posted on here, I know what you say is true as I have seen it. Your kindness and respect at such a sad time for everyone is invaluable.

We recently had a sudden death in our family, I can say without any hesitation that the kindness and understanding shown by the Police, the Coroner, the Funeral Directors, and everyone else involved, made an awful, awful, time slightly easier to cope with. It was comforting to know and see the dignity and respect afforded to the person who died, and the care and compassion shown towards the grieving. Thank you all.

After my cousins very untimley funeral yesterday this has got me in tears. I'm so glad to know how well he was treated after he died.

Thankyou those who shared their experiences and sorry to those who have lost loved ones.

So sorry for all the posters who have experienced loss.thinking of you

It is amazing to read of how much people do care after death, and I'm touched by the RIP written on the files. It is comforting to know the care is so compassionate. I'm in awe of nurses, Dr's and other HCPs, I think I'd be a snotty mess each time, it is lovely to hear it being described as an honour.

I hope this thread has bought comfort to many.

to you all. My granny passed 5 years ago and the staff were fantastic in those last hours while we were with her.

I occasionally work in a mortuary, can I ask those in the know, if someone dies in theatre or in A&E, I'm sure they are taken to the pathologist exactly how they were so that the cause of death can be determined. Rather than washed and dressed IYSWIM? What do you do for last offices in that scenario?

OP I'm sorry for your loss. We never stop missing people

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

My grandad died in hospital seven years ago. My family were all there when he died, and he looked so frail and not like himself. The nurses gave us some time in a side room, and then allowed us to go back in, and they'd taken away all the medical equipment and put his teeth in and he looked how we remembered him. The staff were great and very caring.

It's really nice to know that this treatment carried on after we left. Thank you to all the brilliant HCPs.

The most recent death I death with was a lady in her 80s, her husband had stayed in the hospital overnight and in the early hours we realised she was in the final stages of life, my colleague phoned her husband and I sat with her talking to her and stroking her head, my colleague returned and sat on the other side, sadly her husband did not make it in time and I had to catch him to tell him before he walked in, can't describe how hard that was, we left the couple together and my colleague and myself went into the clinical room and cried, I composed myself and went to see my patient and husband, I told him that we were with his wife when she died and he cried and said thank you, proudest moment of my nursing career.

MrsMorton if someone dies in theatre it's a similar process to the wards.

The surgical site is sutured closed (if the operation had started), the patient is washed and put in a shroud or linen wrapping. We don't have flowers or windows but someone will normally open a side door.

All tubes and lines are left in situ in case of need for post mortem to determine cause of death (which isn't always needed, the admitting team discuss with the coroner either then or the next day if it's in the middle of the night).

Once clean and wrapped the patient is transferred to the mortuary with their notes for the pathologists / coroner discussion. If a death certificate can be issued one will be and then the undertaker takes over as normal.

Oh flip flop
And Blizy, just heart breaking
And for others too (I'm useless at remembering names when using my phone).

If I remember rightly they must have removed all the lines etc (morphine/sedatives) before I saw her as she was already laid comfortably.

Reading this is actually making me want to give something back, to be that person for someone. And it also makes me feel comfort knowing that when I die that this same care will happen. Thank you.