What happens to people after they die in hospital

[Unsureif]

I don't know what's made me wonder this morning. A few years ago my DM died in hospital. We said our goodbyes and left her in the room, looking like she was sleeping. The hospital was fairly busy during this time, think it was visiting hours.

What will have happened after we left? Will they have treated her as if she were still alive, talked to her? Do they really cover up their faces? And how are they taken to the morgue?

Just want to know. Really missing DM.

Should add we also talk to the patient to explain what we're doing and why. We sometimes chat to them but never over them. They are treated as any living patient would be with respect and dignity.

What a special person you are lilybensmum.

I find it interesting about the window. Is it actually 'policy'? :)

Not policy just a nursing quirk!! Not sure of the correct word, I think that as we all walk so close to death and it's inevitable it's just second nature to care as much for the dead as the living, I always believe the handling of situations before and after death give the relatives some comfort and that is worth it's weight in gold. I truly mean it when I say it's an honour to care for people who are dying or who have died.

I'm glad people are comforted by this chat as we all tend to shy away from death, it's not something to dwell on so it's good to know that when the time comes we truly care.

Not sure about policy but it's been done everywhere I've worked.

After the patient has been moved, there is a cleansing and blessing ritual performed in the theatre where they died and we can't use it for any other cases until that has been done (Maori custom/ritual, they have priests on 24/7 cover).

I've washed and 'laid out' a few people. I've never been nor observed anyone else being disrespectful or uncaring.

I've always talked to the person as if they were still alive and if I knew the person well and they were affectionate in life I've sometimes given them a kiss on the hand and said it was from me and their loved ones and gone through their names.

I never did the opening the window thing because I think the soul is eternal and powerful and a window won't stop whatever process happens!. I've seen lots of people do it though.

Don't know about a&e, but I work in theatres and we still wash and dress the person as described above, but leave in cannulae, tubes, catheters etc.

Personally I don't talk to patients who have died, but I do treat them with the utmost respect and continue to maintain their dignity as much as when they were alive.

When patients die in theatre in my specialty, there has usually been a decision to withdraw treatment because we know they will never wake up. Sadly in practice there isn't usually time to fetch family to be there. I always hold my patient's hand as they slip away. I know they are unaware by this stage, but nobody should die without a hand to hold.

When I've cared for the dying it has been an honour to give my absolute best in their final moments.

Nursing staff who have cared for someone actively want to do the final stage of care on the ward. They speak to the deceased person just as they did when they were alive, with kindness and respect, explaining what is happening next as they are moved during the wash. They are kept covered during the bed-bath in exactly the same way that they were when they were still alive.

Some wards open a window and even used to place a single flower from the person's bedside on the prepared deceased person as a last token of respect, but it seemed to be a personal thing rather than hospital policy and usually more if they felt they 'knew' the person well enough not to be taking liberties.

The only difference is that normal chit-chat doesn't take place in the room because it is seen as disrespectful.

The wards are the sectioned off with screens so privacy is optimised while porters transport the deceased person to the mortuary. In the hospital I worked the morgue was on the lower ground floor away from main entrance and outpatients etc. here relatives could organise a final visit before their lived ones were taken to the undertakers.

I hope it helps to put your mind at rest. Your loved one would have been well cared for throughout the whole process.

My dh is a rural GP and quite often has to register the death of a patient.

He says as he checks them over (there are some very standard tests including getting a pain response) he chats away and apologises. He always makes sure they look peaceful after, even before the nurse comes, closes eyes, smooths hair etc.

He then writes in the notes. He has to. He has never registered a death without writing "death confirmed at xx:xx. Rest In Peace (never RIP). All our thoughts at xxxx surgery with the family and friends". And signs.

It's usually the last entry. He never enters it via the computer, but gets the actual notes and writes it by hand. These days, it's pretty much the only hand-written notes he makes, but he feels it's the last mark of respect he can make for his patients, many of whom he's known for many years.

This thread has me in tears. For everyone who has lost someone, my heart goes out to you.
I lost my mum almost 13 years ago at home, and my dad in October in hospital.
It's a real comfort to know how he was cared for in his final minutes. I didn't make it back up in time for his passing, as they sent me home to rest, being heavily pregnant. They were amazing people.
I want to help grieving families, and so I've started to look into working in the funeral service when all my children are at school.

OP you never stop missing them. It gets easier to smile at the memories instead of weeping as time goes by.

Another nurse (and ex-midwife) here, and I wanted to agree with all the others with regard to dignity, respect, chatting to the deceased.

Opening the window is something that is handed down through generations of Nurses. Just something you do.

We also leave curtains closed until the deceased has been taken off the ward and the bed has been cleaned / made up with clean linen. Not sure why, just another token of respect.

What a fascinating thread. It is humbling to read the comments from those looking after the dead. Bless you all xxx

I'm really pleased I started this thread :)

Thanks Bonkers. I don't work in the nicu anymore, after 10 years and 2 babies of my own I felt I couldn't do it anymore. I do miss certain parts of the job - the reward when a really poorly baby comes back to visit when they're older and running about is a wonderful thing

My Mum died in a hospice, so maybe slightly different. She waited until my Dad left and then took her final breath 10 minutes later with the Chaplin holding her hand. I guess she didn't want my Dad to 'see her go'

We went back to see her a couple of hours later. She was tucked in a freshly made bed with the window open, and just looked fast asleep.

2 days later my Brother wanted to go and see her. This time she was in the Chapel of rest. She was again, in a fresh clean bed looking at peace. She was all alone, but calming music was playing quietly in the background and they had put some flowers on her chest.

I remember saying to my Dad and Brother "They are STILL looking after her, even though she's gone"

Beautiful, beautiful thread.

My sympathies to everyone who has lost someone dear.

I would like to nominate this thread for classics as it is so wonderfully reassuring and I feel it brings into focus a side of the NHS that is little known or understood. Would that be ok with you, Unsureif?

Could I ad my thanks for this thread, especially for the HCP's who work in theatre. It's helped me with a difficult death that I thought I'd dealt with better than I had

I'm also glad you started this thread, Unsureif, and I also agree with HolgerDanske that it would be good to preserve this thread somewhere.

Although I think we, as a society, are getting better at talking about death and dying, there's obviously still questions that people have about the care of their loved ones, and this thread is very reassuring and could be very helpful to others in the future.

My grandmother was a geriatric nurse and had to lay out bodies often. She said the person deserved the same respect in death as in life. Not sure if she was having us on but she told us that when a male body was prepared they bandaged up the penis and the way the bandaging happened there was a small bow tied at the end?

The funeral process is still respectful, my cousin works in the local council and had to visit a crematorium. The bodies are burned at night. When the coffin disappears it is stored until later so the area isn't smoky during the day. The bodies are removed from the coffin prior to burning and treated with absolute respect even during the very final moments.

It is comforting to know that there are people who care enough to look after the people who mattered to someone. It may only be the shell left when someone dies but that shell is what people associate with their loved ones.

This thread has really made me cry. My mum died I hospital after so pme really shit care.

Lovely to read about the way she would have been treated by the fabulous night staff. And opening the window. Wail. And shiver.

Fluffyears I just have to say,I worked in a funeral directors once, and visited the crematorium on a daily basis, I've never known them take the bodies out of coffins. They transfer the whole coffin, unopened, into the ovens, and that is through the day. They don't work overnight. I'm wondering if your cousin is winding you up a bit?
I'm a nurse and midwife also, and never bandaged a penis up!

My grans dying in hosp now. Been here with her since last sat. I asked other night and nurse said they would just give her a wee clean if ahe had opened bowels but any washing would bw done in mortuary.

My grans dying in hosp now. Been here with her since last sat. I asked other night and nurse said they would just give her a wee clean if ahe had opened bowels but any washing would bw done in mortuary.

Thinking of you, squak and of course your gran. May she go in peace.

Thanks

This thread has made me weep quite a lot but it's been good to read how lovely and caring staff are when doing aftercare. My mum has been gone 7 years now but we were all with her in her ICU side-room when she went, and then we were asked to leave for half an hour so they could remove tubes and clean her up etc. They then let us back in to sit with her as long as we wanted to (not long - we'd already been with her all through the night).

At that stage she was still looking a bit bruised and rashy around the mouth from her ventilation tubes - but I still didn't go and see her in the funeral parlour because, even though they would have made her up and she would have looked better, I didn't need to, iyswim. I'd seen my grandparents in their coffins and I knew that, to me, they looked like waxworks of themselves - for some reason I didn't want to see my Mum that way.