To Kick These People Out #3 - the countdown begins

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

The Beginning

The Middle

The end?

So... Long story short... There are horses, soon there should not be (I'm not good at summaries, they make me sound unreasonable).

We have a date! This Saturday! The horses should be taken away to pastures new, so we can roam the meadow in gingham dresses (dh looks good in a gingham dress) and we can have FuckYouFestivals to our heart's content.

There will be choirs and drums and bands and weapons and stackable goats and so much more!

Anyone who's read the threads knows I love a lurker. I can you see you out there. Go on, jump in while the thread's all new and shiny. You know you want to

Pedant, I had PND over the years, and plenty of low points living with XH.

Chris I want you to know you would be proud of me. I just went to see an amazing house with a bit of land that is for sale near us. The lady has gone into a home, and there are 3 horses that are currently being looked after by randoms. I enquired closely about the status of the horses, and if they would be moved upon purchase.

(Apparently yes).

Wellies

Shall I tell you we were told that too?

Buy it! We'll get rid of them if need be :)

Ignore my whinge.

It's ok.

It's how things always go with that combination. I should have been more assertive back at the beginning. It was a spur of the moment invite, next time I'll be more certain in what I want to do before I start.

I'm over it.

:)

I would love to buy it, ti was gorgeous. And there would be room for hens!! (My fantasy). And ponies. (obviously).

But what a mess it is in. The real estate agent advised me not to turn on any taps or lights. And the attic had broken floor boards.

But oh [drool]. An acre of land, so even possible for a very mini wildlife meadow on what is currently a dressage arena.

Wellies, do you have the time and money to do it up?

If you do, go for it!

What part of the uk are you in?

In the south. :)

It would be a 10 year labour of love. DH is away this week, but we might go and see it at the weekend.

Only problem is that the house itself is on a main road, and quite a nasty one.

Getting our house valued this week........

Wellies, it sounds amazing. But hard work too.

In other news, my scarf is here!!

In that case, I'd definitely try asserting yourself next time. If you make plans with one lot and they try the Venue-Change & Invite the Other Lot routine again, say "no, I haven't seen enough of you lately - let's keep it just us". Or, better still, say that when you invite them. There's nothing shameful or embarrassing with wanting some quality time with people, just keep thinking that!

Pedant, I will do next time. It was a bit of a disorganised invitation. Bumped into them had quick chat and it fell into the "haven't seen you for ages we must do something" type conversation. I thought, "sod this lets make actual plans" so invited them around for a Sunday roast. At first this was an "ooh yes that sounds great, think we're free." Then just as I was wandering off, got a "tell you what, why don't we go to the pub for it and invite x?"

I should have said, "maybe next time, it'd be really nice to catch up with you"

But I didn't.

As my counsellor says, stop trying to please other people and please yourself!

I was first to order and not got mine yet

Chris, take this as the first day in your new home, it's a Red Letter horse-free day. There's Spring to look forward to and lots to get on with.

Could you invite anyone around at a specific time for coffee and cheesecake?

It is really hard when you move, to integrate and establish yourself, it will come, try not to dwell or fret, although I see where you're coming from feeling a bit left out. Am sending a virtual smile and nose wrinkle your way.

Now I'm going to go back and read about hammocks and gussets and reread
I once lay in a hammock on an African beach and a camel stole my t-shirt! Quite possibly the best sentence I've read on the net in a good while

Chris sorry to hear your family are rubbish. Maybe just concentrate on making some really good friends when you feel up to it. Agree with your therapist, learn to put yourself first sometimes.

I once lay in a hammock on an African beach and a camel stole my t-shirt!

Best advice I can give anyone about family, based on my own experiences with totally disinterested and self absorbed people in mine, is to work on not taking it personally.
Whoever first said you can choose your friends, but not your family, was dead right. I look at some of mine and know for a fact I'd never keep in contact if we weren't blood related, they're such oxygen thieves it's hard work and soul destroying, but don't let them grind you down.

The family that matters is the one you make Chris, rather than the one you're born into.

Invite other people round instead. I can't see any sane person turning down coffee and cheesecake!

Unless, Jux, they might have reason to suspect it's been pre-licked

SlightlyDamp, I'm already getting twitchy. You have been forewarned.

Chris - sorry to hear about rubbish relatives. I am amazed they weren't all riveted by the tale of the unwanted horse - I mean half of the whole internet has been sitting here transfixed!

I knew hammocks were dangerous, but maurauding camels as well

Pedant - of course I wear knickers

Don't worry, they're just self-absorbed and I want them to be absorbed with me!

I'll minimise times when I'm with the multiples. There have been a few times when I've invited just one and they've actually turned up with the other in tow and then ignored me. I shall distance and remove any investment. They've always been like that. I should know better.

I used to keep myself to myself, and then got told I should reach out to them and let them help, so I reached out, and nothing's changed. Lesson learnt.

Enrique, it is hard. I've done it several times in the past 10 years. But this time I'm here for good so I'll never have to do it again once I've settled. A good thought.

Deja, I'll find someone :)

Jux, I'll do that :) in fact I've just got a text from a school mum who I like, inviting us round! I'll take cheesecake pre-licked

Ida, they'd rather talk about spicey food go figure!

No camels at FYF

Have a lovely time time with nice school mum and not pre-licked cheesecake.

mmmmmm pre-licked cheesecake

Thanks Jux, let's hope it's the start of a beautiful friendship. She likes the horse story I may even wear my scarf.

Definitely don't take it personally, as someone else has said you have kept us all entertained and coming back, and most of that is to do with you and your ability to keep us all engaged, welcomed, a part of something special, if they don't want to take the time to get to know you then it is their loss, not yours!

I know how hard it is to not take it personally and how hard it s to relax and be yourself when you don't feel welcome, but try and focus on those that do know you and love you for it, and so often with relatives they don't know you. Cause you have always been there!

Oh Chris, you are lovely.
if they are self absorbed, that doesn't mean you aren't lovely, it means they are too blinkered to realise they are missing out on a relationship with a great part of their family.

Camels eating T-shirts

Oohahbird, I think you've nailed it with that, they don't know who I am, because they assume they know me. I'd never really thought of that. And at lovely things said.

Steppe :) I'm just going to have to see things as they are, rather than hope for things to be different.

So what are we doing for plates and cutlery at FYF? We should really get the practicalities sorted

Ooh, I didn't realise everyone would be so taken with my camel shirt theft story!

It's not that much of a story tbh... I went on a crappy package holiday with a school friend to The Gambia. One of the organised activities was a camel ride along a beach with a picnic. Camels smell btw... But not as bad as the beach which was where all the local fishermen used to gut their fish and just leave piles of fish guts of the sand for the vultures to eat As we trekked past in a camel train, one behind the other all tied together.

I took a spare shirt along so I could change into it if I decided to go for a swim as I was a blimp bit self conscious about my body. Decided not to swim due to the fish guts and vultures mmmm!

There was a hammock at the picnic area which I got into to swing... It was fun. But i put my spare shirt on the sand and a camel wandered over and no more spare shirt.
On the ride back, the camel behind me tried to eat my hair which was plaited into pigtails.

I'm less keen on camels than I am on horses now...

Plates and cutlery - easier if everyone brings their own tbh... Or we could get those biodegradable bamboo ones.

paper plates - we need them to start the bonfire.