My tip of the day for you all.

[MissStrawberry]

You can thank me later.

When you want to get out of the car, it is always sensible, and useful, to take your seat belt off first.

You're welcome .

Also, be sure to remember to close the trunk (station wagon) of your car when driving out of the school parking lot .

Zia I the non emergency fire brigade telephone number to ask what I should do if my oven was on fire. He replied, barely hiding a guffaw, "call us".

He didn't manage to hold it together when I said "oh, OK, I'll call you back on 999 then".

don't reverse onto your pushchair.

maca or when leaving tesco having just done your shopping!

And my handy tip?

If you have a black eye, DO NOT orgasm. Trust me, don't do it.

when you leave the hospital with your newborn it is essential to strap him in the carseat.

it is also essential to strap the carseat in the car with the seatbelt.
it's much safer that way

if you've played along with your 2 yo daughter's dressing up game and allowed her to put a pink plastic tiara on you, it is best to take it off before going to the supermarket and on to pick up your DS from school - your DS will be the first person to point this out to you.

Remember to pull your knickers down as well as your trousers before sitting on the toilet to urinate.

Don't tie your shoelaces in a revolving door

If you think you're a bit close to the next car as you try to park, please just check. Don't just pull in and park and then go and look. The great big scrape down the car beside you means that yes you were too close.

Don't keep the toothpaste beside the Veet.

When your toaster starts belching black acrid smoke , do not stand and stare at it , it will burst into flames

Do not spend several minutes waving your alarm sensor key in front of your school locker and cursing it because it does not open, Use the correct key that is attached to the alarm sensor key.
Do check for matching sandals before going to school-they were both beige.
Do not attend school, on a day when you are being observed, in your lovely furry slippers and realise as you walk past the Head's office.
Do remember to call DH by his name not exdh's.

When posting letters on your way to the airport for a flight to Japan, it is better NOT to also post your passport

Oh and when you do discover the damage you have caused to the car next to yours, do leave your number. It's polite. Thy wil ring up to thank you and get your insurance details and you will feel like you've done a good deed.

If the door bell goes whilst you're breastfeeding - remember to put the exposed boob away before you open the door.

If you wrap your fringe into a comb and it gets stuck, cut the teeth of the comb, not the hair. gin

Ahhhh quote you are truely wise...

why didn't I think of that!

Suedocream is not a good play toy for your toddler, especially when you are wearing a lovely dark wool skirt. Those lovely caresses are not what you think they are..

Mine is:

Never give your DP even a vague idea that shaving his pubes would be a good idea.

If you do, DON'T leave the washing up brush in the shower (after you were cleaning the washing up bowl, which is too snug a fit to wash in the sink).

He may well just use it to clean the plughole :(

Always check the wind direction before jet washing sick out of a car seat.

If you use your bank card to try and operate the oyster barrier on the tube, you have been doing too much shopping.
Equally, the cashier at the supermarket will not find it very funny to be given an Oyster card in place of a bank card.

When you get home and you notice your bike is missing, stop panicking for 10 minutes and searching the garden sheds to see if anything else has been taken and consider why you have walked home from the shop carrying a loaf of bread, a tin of beans and the keys for you bike lock.

You do not have to dial 9 to get an outside line - at home.