My tip of the day for you all.

[MissStrawberry]

You can thank me later.

When you want to get out of the car, it is always sensible, and useful, to take your seat belt off first.

You're welcome .

When you have a Nigella/Delia moment and make your own chicken stock, it is good to remember tht when you are straining it you want to keep the stock, not pour it down the sink and keeping the manly bits of bone.

manky

AlyssB - at least it was DH that tried that one, not me for a change

Do not use your late-night-bovril spoon to mix coffee the next morning. Or hot chocolate in bovril.

Just use a fresh spoon. Don't even think you could save a little washing up.

whattodo You realise you're going to have to share that story, don't you?

Don't leave the tube of canesten next to the freebie mini toothpastes from the dentist. Check it's toothpaste before putting on toothbrush. Close call this morning!

When descaling the kettle, for example with vinegar, do not flick the switch to boíl the kettle.

When spraying mold spots in the shower while you have a cold do not open your month to cough at the same time as you spray the bleach based mold remover. Bleach spots on the tongue are not atractivo and the taste, which is truly ghastly, lasts all day.

And if you've shot a pigeon and you know it's on the balcony pick the fucking thing up, OH, before the maggots migrate inside.

I'm only on the second page and am laughing so hard I have tears!

When you put your knickers on, do check you put both your legs through legholes and not have one of them through the waisthole, particularly if you are running late and have back to back meetings, so will have to wait hours till you can get to the loo to see why things feel tight and just weird.

Always check that is toothpaste you are using to clean your teeth. Not Deep Heat.

On behalf of my dad -

If you've had a bit too much to drink and are sick in the toilet, make sure you still have all your teeth in before you flush.

After having said teeth replaced at great cost, don't just assume that your custard creme is incredibly crunchy. You may have to use a strainer to find that missing tooth the next day.

If you are in a rush at work two things will happen:
the photocopier will jam
your computer will freeze
If you are in a hurry at home: your children will be on a go slow

on the first day of a new job- DO NOT change your mind at the last minute hurridly put on a new Marks and Spencer top and a suit jacket over the top- only to discover at 5 that all day you have had a "new and inproved fabric sticker" on your cleavage all day.

A ten pence piece will not open the front door. In fairness I had a few too many drinks that night

Don't wash curtains @ 40 degrees and then ask your piss taking DH to hang them back up. They will shrink and he will put a picture on FB just to rub it in.

Washing up liquid is not a substitute for dishwasher detergent. Bloody bubbles were everywhere.

Don't put the car keys to your keyless entry car next to your mobile. The moment you get out it will automatically lock the moment you shut the door, locking your baby DD and the keys in there. Thank god my DDad was there. He ended up running home to get my spare house keys. She screamed the whole time

There is no point in quickly double tapping the (paper) page of the recipe you are following, it will not make it bigger.

Don't sneeze when wearing a motorcycle helmet, visor down.

I would like to add another very important one.

Do Not take a wee in a very expensive, well made wetsuit. It does not wash away with the sea water (although does keep you nice and warm).

when parking your shopping trolley for a minute to get something pay attention on your return and avoid filling the trolley of a total stranger.

even more important to not grab the trolley with a stranger's child in it - the explanation of you normally having your own child with you may not be heard over the high pitched scream of said child and the howling laughter of everyone else.

once you've had a certain number of children do not attempt to sneeze, cough, jump, shout ot laugh unless:

a, your bladder is perfectly empty
b, you have time to stop and cross your legs
c, wearing adult nappies
d, you don't my pissing yourself in public

d, you don't mind

Ahh whattodoo, you must be related to my husband!

Another one: when you can smell burning, assume something is burning. If your hand is getting quite warm at the same time, it may possibly be because your oven glove has met with the gas hob. Just saying.

New slogan?
Mumsnetters - We do these things so YOU don't have to.

Fab slogan! or "Mumsnetters - learn from our mistakes"

I do feel like a walking cautionary tale sometimes.

or "Tested on Mums - desclaimer: some parents were harmed during the making of these mistakes"!