The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

[daughterofafarmer]

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

My Dad (who was actually a very intelligent, grammar school boy) once asked my Mum in surprise 'So, was Jesus a Jew, then?'

Erm, Jesus was a Jew.

We saw an albino peacock once. DH told the dcs that 'the white ones are the female peacocks'

WMittens - yes, that's the point. He shouldn't have been confused or surprised by this information

Trills, gotcha, I understand it now I've re-read it.

My very intelligent friend thought that Google invented (and therefore owned) the Internet.

American living in Europe discussing the terrible weather we had in the spring. "Yes, Africa is the only place in Europe that is having any sun at the moment".

Ok then...

"And a chicken is a chicken for its first year, after which it is a hen."

really? i thought that hen and cock were simply the terms for female/male chickens?

"My father: "Chinese people come from a different species of monkey"

I am in NO way an expert on this, but there were different "species" of homo sapiens (?) evolved/descended in different ways in diff parts of the world presumably from a different ape-like beginnings?

Brilliant thread! I'm going to nominate it for Classics....

I still insist that chickens fly properly. Like blackbirds. I cannot get my head round a non flying chicken.

My other classic is misremembering Shakespearean quotes.

"A goat by any other name" is the one my DH will never let me forget. He has told me that if I do not post this, he will join MN and post it for me.

sorry, not differnet species of homo sapiens, but various other homo-somethings around the world who evolved differently at different times.

A goat!! Bwa-haha!!

"A goat by any other name will smell as vile"....

Amra

I know . I will never live it down. It will be on my gravestone.

Dad (a bit of a softy) was on holiday in India and noticed at midday the cows from the local fields would come into the centre of the village to shelter from the heat, under the trees. One day he decided to give them a treat so gave the housekeeper some money to buy some hay the next day so he could feed them. The housekeeper dutifully did so.

The next day when the cows appeared Dad held the hay and started calling 'come on cows ..... come get something to eat'
The housekeeper was really surprised when the cows came trotting over to be fed and dad was asked 'do cows speak English too?'

Bless

To be fair, if you're travelling overland in continental Europe you don't normally have to show your passport when crossing borders.

I should have said the continental European union there. There's always a right hoo-ha when the train stops at the Swiss border.....

When I was watching the Olympic diving I asked, in all seriousness, how the cameraman following the divers was able to beat them into the water. DH had to explain that the camera was on a rail.

Yay! In Classics now- Thanks, HQ!

Was once discussing a method for making quick pizzas for the children using pitta breads as the base, spread with tomato sauce and various toppings with my MIL and SIL. MIL looked at me aghast. 'I would never do that,' she said. 'It would be a waste of pitta bread.' SIL and I very confused. She then elaborated. 'When the bakers have gone to all the trouble of making pitta bread pockets, it's a waste not to use them.' SIL and I completely lost for words.

A person who shall remain nameless cough cough was VERY happy over the weekend to receive a rather expensive Charlie Bear Panda from her DH as a birthday present. She noted in the shop the bears name was 'monium'. About three hours later, back at home and having a cuppa I suddenly SHE suddenly realised why it was called 'Monium'.

DS was an early reader, phonetics were a bit of a stretch for him at 3 so you can imagine my extreme embarrassment when he pointed to the Fuchsia in the packed garden centre and shouted "ooooh Mum that Fuck Sia is lovely!"

Juice Some people on this thread won't understand about 'Monium' at all, and don't know what a Charlie Bear Panda is. Could you enlighten them?

lightbulb goes on .

I am SO glad it wasn't just me because my DD was laughing at me all afternoon.
"Its a Panda called Monium" she said, "how did you NOT get it?!"

Classics..... {pats self on back and puffs out chest}

Over the weekend, DD picked an acorn whist on a walk and said look... 'Mummy, an acorn'
ME: Yes darling it's from an acorn tree...
DD: 'No Mummy, an oak tree'

Que DH pissing himself laughing. DD is 2...!!!

Clearly I did know that but I'm blaming my pregnancy brain on that one.

I have just been sitting here going

panda...monium - no don't get it

charlie bear panda - monium - no, still can't see it

just got it

This one will probably only mean something to fellow Canadians out there... Colleague of mine from New Zealand had seen a "Canadian A to Z story book" and was confused by the entry for Z - a Zmboolox? Zimbubble? Zamfafaloo? something to do with ice?

A Zamboni machine, of course. She literally did not believe me that such things exist and I had to google it to show her pictures and

It never occurred to me that zambonis are somewhat specialised equipment - they seem so normal to me!