The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

[daughterofafarmer]

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

I am delighted to learn that the Channel Tunnel does in fact go under the ocean bed, for a few minutes I had visions of something suspended.
Not that I would EVER countenance going through such a dangerous place with all that water above you.

I did learn this week that trifle is called trifle because of its three layers, jelly, custard and cream. I had never realised. I learned this in Numeracy-the lesson plan was about triangles. The young teacher with whom I work laughed.

My cousin called his mum complaining he couldn't find tepid water in the supermarket for a recipe.
MIL asked how many euros we wanted for our trip to Australia. Then asked if they had roads in Sydney.

On a train in SE, my friend (from equatorial country but now a Brit) asked what the cute little white animals in the fields were.

"What the lambs? They are lambs" I told him quizzical look on my face.

"Holy fuck they can't be - I'm never eating lamb again".

How did he get to be 32 and not know what lamb was (outside of a restaurant)?

Ds1's girlfriend asked last night where is Devon where the white cliffs of Devon are.

Talking to her, turns out she didn't know that Devon and Cornwall are counties, she thought they were counties not cities. She also thought they were the white cliffs of Devon, not Dover!

She also asked if Nottingham is in Nottinghamshire.

She is 18! I am honestly not making this up!

I ended up getting out a map of Great Britain and pointing out where all the counties, and major towns and cities are.

Mind you, a bloke at work thought that Scunthorpe was a seaside place. He meant scarborough

That doesn't make sense

She thought Devon and Cornwall were towns.

The holocaust one has reminded me of something I said once.

I was reading "Forgotten Voices of the Holocaust", which I had bought with vouchers given at Christmas. My birthday is in January and DH was wondering aloud what to get me for my birthday since it was so soon after Christmas.

I was distracted by the book, very involved in some very moving memories, and I meant to say he could renew my season ticket to a local attraction I enjoyed visiting. Unfortunately what I said was "You could always renew my season ticket to Auschwitz if you like, it's always nice there."

He was a bit at me.

Blueandwhitelover - I don't think that's why a trifle is called that. Trifle meant something piffling or unimportant first, and the food was named after that. Not sure why people consider delicious pudding unimportant, but a similar thing happened with flummery. Might be wrong though.

anyway, what about the fruit & sponge? 5 ingredients - a pentle or a quintle then

My dgm has us in hysterics with some of things she comes out with a few favourites from her last visit

About a man threatening to jump off a building "why don't they throw a lasso around him"

About catching diphtheria "my sister brought a cat home and it sneezed at the table and I caught diphtheria"

"I still have my milk teeth you know" she has false teeth

"Oh look a the cat wanna's dd" dp then points out its a fox

A friend of my mothers. "Did you see you new mink; could you tell it was ranch"? This was in the 60s btw.

rio Ferdinand just told dd that one - blank expression - oh I thought you meant franz Ferdinand

I used to work in the west end, not far from Leicester Sq. tube and we would often have people coming in to ask directions. One day a women came in and asked where the tube was, so I told her and she asked
Her: How long will it take to walk there?
Me: Not long, it's 2mins down the road.
Her: No. I'm a very slow walker.
Me: Ok?
Her: So how long then?
Me: 5mins?
Her: No.
Me: 7mins?
Her: No.
Me: It's really not very far.
Her: I'm waiting for a hip replacement.
Me: 15 minutes!
Her: hmm I thought so, do you think I should get the bus.
Me: Probably best.

Wahla

that is fantastic!

Friend who was convinced X's mum was wrong and awful for believing X didn't play a joke on her DD1, despite the fact she totally believed her DD2 wasn't involved although X said she was.

Even when faced with evidence her DD2 was aware of the prank, or at least present as she knew where the hidden object (pair of knickers!) were.

10 minutes and eventually I managed to successfully change the subject.

Mindyou she's generally like this - my DD's would never do something like that - even when an adult has witnessed it. She is not doing them any favours

Blackberrybakewell - surely you are right? My eldest is 12 so it isn't that long ago if he was the one I was weaning (my others are 10 and 8) when I read about different parts of the tongue react to different types of food. I used to try and put certain foods in certain parts of his mouth! .

I was once asked how to get bleach stains out of a car seat.

OH later left me for the silly cow and I often wonder what states they've got themselves into since. He was so clueless that when filling out his mortgage details for his new house post-split, I noticed that he'd managed to name my old doctor from when we were at university about 3 years before as his GP

I was on a thread a few weeks ago where I learned nectar is actually food. You can buy it in Tesco. It isn't just some mythical thing. Apparently...

Ambrosia cream rice. Yum. Not sure about manna (so?) though.

nectar is the syrupy substance found in flowers that bees drink and make honey from.

Nectar has never been just some mythical thing - it's what flowers produce and bees eat from flowers so that the flowers can dump their pollen on the bees' fur(?) and the bees then pollinate the next flower they visit. The bees then use it to make honey.

I am not sure they sell it in Tesco though. They may sell a product called Nectar.

Sainsbury's have a card called Nectar but it does not attract bees IME.

x posted steppemum

I thought you could catch shingles from someone with chickenpox

I thought you could end up with shingles if you'd had CP then came into contace with someone with CP later on. Either way, shingles hurts like hell.

SPB I was on that thread too and loved your bemusement! You're thinking of agave nectar btw :)

I remember a hideous conversation when I was about 20 with an ex of mine when I was trying to appear all worldly and political but pronounced Mao (as in Chairman), Mayo

In my defence I'd absorbed 'Wild Swans' numerous times, just never heard the name outright!