What's the worst/funniest thing that a man has ever said to you after having sex?

[makemineamalibuandpineapple]

I had been having a fling with a guy I had met online. He had come over and we had just DTD 5 times!! It was 3am and I was showing him out and he said "We'll touch base" I thought, "I'm never going to see this man again". And guess what, 3 years later I still haven't. Thankfully I am now loved up with my lovely bf but that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it.

Still getting laughs from this thread....

Yet another time I was giving DH a bj whilst kids television was on in the background. All I remember is the theme tune from Johnny Briggs coming on and before I knew it I was playing his member like a trumpet. Don't know what came over me.....

Just to help you picture the scene..

I was also offered some "brown love" which I hopefully thought would involve my body and a giant tub of Nutella. Unfortunately this was his pet name for anal sex.....

A friend of mine told me that an ex obviously said it was like "throwing a sausage up Westborough". Lovely chap he was.

i'mnotbloody I may have succumbed to his charms as a teenager...

I just, said erm you?

Geronimoooooo!

That is all.

I've got one that my DP told me. He was shagging his ex doggy style when a stream of fanny farts began. She turned round and said
my foofoo is blowing you kisses

Pahaha.

Oh :( I killed the thread.

Haha that is excellent AKissIsNotAContract. I want to say that at some point in my life :)

@ "my foofoo is blowing you kisses"

naughty nacho

agree darkesteyes

Ha ha drink from my fountain (love that one). I once had a guy call me a nyphmaniac during a O.N.S, to which I replied "You're not complaining are you. Although I did pounce on him 3 times, but like I said he wasn't complaining. xxx

"Are you sure you haven't had a sex change?"

Sorry but that really made me laugh. And the tiger mask

My friend once had a ONS, as they were getting into it he pulled back, lay with his hands behind his head, and gave the command

"Dance for me"

AND SHE DID. No idea what possessed her, she felt like a right twat. I'd have been tempted to give him my best Funky Chicken, or a bit of Tap.

I had one start snoring as he had fallen asleep mid way through....

I have none but my friend who's a man had a ONS once and was asked to punch her pussy with his cock. It kind of killed the mood for him.

First day posting on MN, but hey ho, may as well jumpe right in.

My DP once said 'boom goes the dynamite' after we saw Cleveland Brown say that. We both just pissed ourselves for ages.

@ Clever. I like happy laughing sex.

The thought of somebody doing the Funky Chicken stark naked while the bloke lays their expectin soemthing seductive has me in stitches

It was this comment i took exception to.
It certainly explains some of your viewpoints youve posted on the Feminism board in the past.

delboysfileofaxThu 15-Aug-13 22:00:17

A friend of mine took home the sort of women it doesn't take work to get into bed if you see what I mean,

There was one night I moaned a sexy moan and dh says "God that is a turn on!" So I moaned again and next thing we were in fits of laughter while trying to still go with the moment. I can't even remember if either of us climaxed that night but we couldn't stop laughing.

This thread reminds me of a bit Ross Noble did in one of his shows about shouting "SHOW ME WHERE YER MOTHER LIVES!!!" during orgasm :o

Darkesteyes - I'm with you, shame a funny thread got a grim post like that

I did once get 'are you one of those girls that can't come'

Nah mate yer just shit.

I found out an ex had told him there are certain women that are unable to orgasm, like her. I think she just said it to stop him trying; he was eager but dreadful and thought stabbing at it with a finger (like he was punching in a telephone number) for 5 seconds would do it.

Another bloke used to burp just after he came...grim. Grimmer when he'd had garlic sauce on his kebab (no, that's not a euphemism).

Apart from once by accident (and by no means anything controversial) I have never posted on the feminist forum darkesteyes. You are clearly mistaking me for someone else.

No fair mumsnet! Putting the admittedly brill thread into classics means my admittance of slut tendencies won't be deleted in 90days!