Gaahhh, can you sew up a belly button?

[TotallyBursar]

Or maybe stuff a cork in it or something?

I shifted some garden waste earlier and I was annoyed but not worried by a very itchy waistband.
I had tree bits everywhere but we were burning it all & would only get more scratchy bits on me so I left it. This was my first mistake.

I got in the bath and my belly button was still stabby and itchy, so I armed my self with tweezers to try and get a splinter out.

It was not a splinter.
It was a fecking huge bug of unknown species, at least dog sized, probably carnivorous. I would be prepared to swear I saw fangs.

It obviously saw my weaponry and made a dash for it...down my leg
It's gone now but I don't know where...I can feel it watching me. It could swim, nowhere is safe.

What if waits unti I'm asleep and tries to eat my face? What if it liked my belly button and decides to get back in ?

[Kneedeepindaisies]

Blimey! This thread's moved on from. gross to just plain weird.

[olidusUrsus]

I haven't clicked any of the thinks in this thread, despite the temptation. I think I made a wise decision. I'm proud of my own wise-icity.

Not entering the dog conversation. Ew

[WafflyVersatile]

Can you see their little orange eyes gleaming at the window yet?

Can you hear them chomping through the walls?

[HildaOgden]

www.joe.ie/news/current-affairs/irish-woman-dies-after-dog-sex/


www.joe.ie/news/current-affairs/limerick-man-avoids-jail-over-role-in-fatal-dog-sex-case/

[TotallyBursar]

Coco - how do you explain that? And forever being 'on yeah, don't invite Dave the dog fucker' or 'Larry the Labrador lover'.

Your DH is v interesting - I know about his b.button and pup plunging neighbour and he sounds fascinating. Your DH, not Larry.

[TotallyBursar]

Waffly! For the love of fuck nooo!

It's nothing. It's just...moles or bats or something.
Hopefully just robbers.


I will not open the curtains. I. Will. Not.

[cocolepew]

And when his dog bothering neighbour got married he used to get his SIL to dress up as a school girl and take photos. He used to show them to people as if he was a serious photographer

[cocolepew]

I'm going to bed now. I just know I'm going to have dreams about belly buttons

[TotallyBursar]

Err. I'm now much more worried about your neighbour.

I will now have to keep a beady eye on my neighbours...just in case.

[WafflyVersatile]

You'll have to open the curtains to do that.

[iccarus]

Munch crunch snap crack......scuttle rustle scuttle.....can you hear it op? i wonder what it was living on in there, do you have tummy button fluff that tastes like candy floss to bugs?

[fackinell]

WT actual F???? I'm all itchy reading this AND I lost a spider in the bedroom this morning, which really isn't helping matters. I'd sleep on the sofa but there's an even bigger fucker in the living room!!!

[HoneyDragon]

Am I the only person confused as to why Cocolepew suggested to the op to look up her vag for the runway alien insect?

Is Cocolepew in close proximity to the op?

Does her vag attract insects particularly?

Once in there do the insects use her phone to watch YouTube videos?

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

I'm prepared to send DS3 over as he can locate any insect anywhere- but not if there is vag investigation to be done. He's 12

[cocolepew]

Honey, it was swimming around in bath water, therefore it obviously could have swam the vag. I mean why wouldn't it?

The is no room for insects in mine, my phone is to big for anything else to for in .
Are you still alive op?

[cocolepew]

Swam up the vag, I meant to say.
Swam the vag makes it sound like swam the Channel it something.

[coffeewineandchocolate]

Are you sure when it came out in the bath it didn't swim up your fanjo? unhelpful

[coffeewineandchocolate]

cross post with carole

[TotallyBursar]

So now not only do I have a cavernous belly button but a bin bagesque fanjo? With a candy crush playing, YouTube watching alien Queen up it?

I am still here (obviously)...it was a long night. The sunlight seems to have put paid to murderous swarms of beasties intent on wearing me as a suit. Until tonight anyway.
Dh has got home from work so he can take the day shift - he seems strangely unmoved. I am keeping watch in case it is not him at all. I have been lulled somewhat by the fact whatever it is knows dh likes a post work luxury poo - but, ever vigilant, I shall watch the skids skies.

So far I have been unable to identify it - day 2 and the hunt continues.

[LemonMousse]

I'm glad you weren't 'taken' in the night Totally.

I had visions of you being lifted sleeping from your bed by an army of fanged insects wearing badges proclaiming 'I swam the Vag 2013' and being carried off to their lair...

[cocolepew]

Have you checked yourself all over? No antenna growing anywhere? You haven't felt the urge to scuttle under the floorboards or down the plughole? Spin a web?

[coughingbean]

Have you seen 'the fly'?
be afraid, be very afraid

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

I can't understand why you haven't been to B&Q and got your DH to spray you down with this

www.diy.com/nav/garden/garden-care-watering/pest-weed-control/insect_control/-specificproducttype-insect___bug_control/Diall-Universal-Insect-Killer-Spray-300ml-12738616?skuId=13259322

A couple of cans and a comb through with a nit comb ought to do it

But I must confess to being so freaked out at being told by a French pharmacist that my horrific insect bites were made by 'speeders', that I spent the rest of my holiday nights wrapped from head to toe in bedsheets like a mummy.

[GinGuzzler]

Bad laughing at this thread. Can't offer any help what so ever, sorry...

was it cousin It?