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Gaahhh, can you sew up a belly button?

132 replies

TotallyBursar · 15/06/2013 22:15

Or maybe stuff a cork in it or something?

I shifted some garden waste earlier and I was annoyed but not worried by a very itchy waistband.
I had tree bits everywhere but we were burning it all & would only get more scratchy bits on me so I left it. This was my first mistake.

I got in the bath and my belly button was still stabby and itchy, so I armed my self with tweezers to try and get a splinter out.

It was not a splinter.
It was a fecking huge bug of unknown species, at least dog sized, probably carnivorous. I would be prepared to swear I saw fangs.

It obviously saw my weaponry and made a dash for it...down my leg
It's gone now but I don't know where...I can feel it watching me. It could swim, nowhere is safe.

What if waits unti I'm asleep and tries to eat my face? What if it liked my belly button and decides to get back in ?




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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 16:49

Well, I'm fairly sure http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/miketroll/default/amblypygid-damon-diadema-aka-tanzanian--large-msg-119395606885.jpg this is it.
It may have had a long journey from it's native land (outer space obviously) but it's here now.

Amblypygid lunar gigantis.
Probly lives on the silent screams of the void. This Shock being the only tortured face they ever see.

Day 2 - I have not seen any signs of change. I think it was saving me and it's not time yet. Not yet. I know now everyone else is safe as long as I keep playing the game- this is personal now. Maybe it always was...

shit myself right up because it's still freaking here somewhere!

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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 16:52

Oh toss this

Stupid Queen bug trying to run interference with the technology. That must mean I'm right. She doesn't want to be identified as then we will know it's weaknesses.

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dementedma · 16/06/2013 16:55

Crying with laughter at this thread and all the in helpful answers. Just showed Ds the picture of the bug in the link above and he says "you can eat those you know"
op could you stake yourself out naked in the garden and see if the local birds come and search you for bugs?

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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 17:09

I could do that Dementedma yes - If I had a death wish!!
That's where it came from in the first place!

Are you working for them? Hmm
That is a highly suspicious answer 'oh just go and lie naked & defenceless in the middle of their lair - that'll work'...I'm watching you too.

Most of the birds here are hawks - I have visions of being tied to a rock while an Eagle pecks out my liver - I think amblingpig fangcrusher has got rid of the small birds.
I don't really want to eat it. Just punish it unto the Nth generation.

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Morgause · 16/06/2013 17:18

Are you sure it wasn't making its way out of your insides - like a Alien or something?

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WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 18:30

maybe you can save some of those garra rufa fish from being flushed down the drain now they're out of fashion, feed 'em up and get them to nibble you in the paddling pool next time you've been gardening.

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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 18:45

...

......

Nnnno. Nope, I've got nothing.
I don't really want fin rot...also if I'm still in the grip of the Thing

  1. It would eat them.
  2. I would need piranhas to eat It and they would do a bit more than nibble me.

    If I'm not in the grip of amblypyg lunar gigantis I would end up with a paddling pool of carnivorous, although admittedly small, fish. That depend on eating parts of me for their very life itself.

    Waffly, you are not very good at this.

    OR

    YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT THIS! OMG - IT'S YOU!! Is it you?
    Where are you? It's time to call this a day Angry
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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 18:45

Morgause - get thee in the cupboard.

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ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath · 16/06/2013 18:55

It's that thing from the film isn't it? Keep an eye on the walls, it can live within them and scuttle around without you knowing

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dementedma · 16/06/2013 18:57

keep very very quiet - even quieter. be still. be calm. be silent....now, can you hear it breathing?

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superbadspeller · 16/06/2013 18:59

Good lord Shock i have an incredibly deep tummy button and am now avoiding the garden forever Shock seriously, shergar, lord lucan and the lost city of atlantis could be down the bottom of my belly button Hmm

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Livvylongpants · 16/06/2013 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 19:17

Totally, have you considered that you might have a teeny tiny, weeny little persecution complex?

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Morgause · 16/06/2013 19:18


I wonder if it laid any eggs before it was shamefully evicted.
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WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 19:27
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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 19:40

Waffly - Ha, no. I can see your double bluff for what it is.
Are you in the roof? It's the only place I haven't checked. Apart from under the floorboards...
Anyway things are not the same as they were yesterday. Persecution complexes are only a problem if you aren't actually being persecuted...by giant, terrible, clicky, hissing, creeping nightmares.

It'sOkay - why would you do that? Why? I can feel it's legs on me

Morgause - I cannot hear you. You are in the cupboard of shame.


I have a massive dose of the willies. It's nowhere near as fun as it sounds.
Oh God David Attenborough is on tv talking about bugs, and I quote 'If you aren't able to defend yourself, you won't survive' Why Sir David, why?! The one man you'd think you could turn to in this situation.

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WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 19:44

I'm with you, Totally. I'm your friend. I'm never going to leave.

Maybe you could infest it with exotic bum worm?

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dementedma · 16/06/2013 21:42

Listen to Sir David - he talks a lot of sense. You need to prepare your defences for when it comes back. If you are not going to plug your orifices with melted cheese, then you need another strategy. Hurry, you don't have much time ........

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fishandlilacs · 16/06/2013 21:47

bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

brrrr


shudder

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TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 22:35

It's dark now...

....

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WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 22:36

What's that scritching noise?

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WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 22:37

oh, you've been moved to classics! Flowers

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cocolepew · 16/06/2013 22:41

Moved to classics. It's so we will remember you, you know when you're gone. To the lair.

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WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 23:13

when she's entombed in that giant spider web in the loft, hands bound, only her nose and mouth left clear for food and air?

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TotallyBursar · 17/06/2013 00:02

Oh! Well then, I suppose it's totally worth 48 hours of horror for a thread in classics.

There are ants now.
I'm wondering if there's a Harry Potter/Aragog thing going on. It would explain a lot but would mean there is a house sized something somewhere.

I'm starting to think it's so quiet because it's gone the ants are just a coincidence.

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