What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

[Berts]

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

[PretzelTime]

Goddammit, I didn't kill a classic thread did I. More stories, anyone?

[Uppermid]

Wow, why didn't I get any of these crazies at playground. And I wasn't the crazy - honest, at least I don't think I was!!!

[Ninjacat]

"Gentle hands Milo" "gentle hands" - as Milo proceeds to whack my ds with a large stick.
(Some names may have been changed)

[ubik]

Oh the "gentle hands" thing makes me want to whip round and bark: "Milo. Give that stick to me RIGHT NOW!"

i used to hate it when DD1 had been bitten and the parent of the biter would then encourage biter to "give her a hug and kiss it better."
Frankly the last thing a child, who has just been bitten, wants is to be "hugged and kissed better" by Jaws.

[amazingmumof6]

"BY JAWS" PMSL!!!!

[Miggsie]

In my old vegetarian days I hung out with quite a big crowd of veggies and vegans.
One of the vegan ladies was really "out there" and into ley lines etc and chanted a lot. She used to wind up DH (not intentionally) by holding forth for very long periods about the exploitation of animals and how honey was stealing.
She became pregnant and was going on aobut her mystic baby etc etc and DH asked her how she could breastfeed - as her baby would be exploiting her and stealing her milk. He meant it as a joke but she instantly went into a complete tizzy and was hand wringing by the end saying "oh my poor baby" and deciding that she would use soyamilk formula so her baby would not be tainted by animal products.
I told DH off when we left and he just stood there saying "I didn't think she was THAT mad!" Somehow the friendship sort of waned from that point.

[MadameNJ]

This thread has inspired me to go to my first ever baby and toddler group on Monday - I'll report back on the extent of any pan pipe/turtle/bat-shit craziness in my neck of the woods!

[BattlingFanjos]

Miggsie I feel so bad but that made me laugh so hard! Crazy! Good luck Madame

[MarthasHarbour]

pretzel i did feel rather told off!! i guess you just need to be there and know a bit more about the dynamics

Yep my one also says 'kind hands, gentle hands' as her DS is flailing about!

miggsie i love that - your DH is like mine - he would have found something for her to fret about!!

[MarthasHarbour]

I have a really ornate pocket mirror i keep in my bag. I offered it to a colleague friend today as she had something in her eye, i had to stop myself from openly offering her my 'fanny party mirror'

[PretzelTime]

Sorry about that MarthasHarbour. I had originally intended to write long reply about how I know how hard it is to do/say something when something like that happens and you aren't prepared; and if you are it can still be difficult. And ended up not posting it. I blame the flu. I've been a bystander too many times.

[MarthasHarbour]

fair enough pretzel i know what you mean, i always have some good comebacks in my head and they just disappear when the time comes and i just sit there with this face!

[HeadfirstForHalos]

It's back to the playgroup I help run this Friday, after half term. I will keep an extra eye out for bat-shit-craziness!

[coffeeandcream]

Sat here BF 11wo DS silently convulsing with laughter and tears of mirth in my eyes! Trying not so disturb him but poor little one can't keep his latch as I'm laughing to hard!!

My top three:
Deranged naked elf musician
The ten plagues of Egypt (in the Brian Blessed voice!)
The 'suckle on mummy' proffering her 'udders' to random child

Am litterally crying with laughter and can't wait to take DS to more baby groups!