Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

489 replies

Berts · 30/01/2013 12:19

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

OP posts:
TheOneWithTheHair · 01/02/2013 22:12

I've just remembered another one.

When dd was about 2 she was playing at the other end of the hall to me at the toddler group I went to. I heard her scream and when I looked up I saw a little boy about 1.5 with his teeth sunk into her arm.

By the time I got to them he was still attached to her and I had to shout stop to get him off. Dd was bleeding and starting to swell so I went to get first aid.

My friend went to the mum and told her what had happened. Her response was to square up to my friend and say
"Well what do you want me to do about it?!"
Shock

WilsonFrickett · 01/02/2013 22:46

pictish were you in Scottish Youth Theatre 1988??????

geekette · 01/02/2013 23:08

my groups are no fun admittedly. small imaginary spades are priceless!

LegoAcupuncture · 01/02/2013 23:35

I was once asked to leave a baby group with my 10 month old as he was the only one walking, the other babies were rolling or crawling, and it wasn't fair on the other babies him being there. I'd been going since he was 3 months as well, he was also the only boy amongst a pool of girls all called Mabel, Ruby and Charlotte.

The group was from birth to 12 months.

amazingmumof6 · 02/02/2013 03:09

my shopping list:

  • panpipe charm for necklace
  • pocket mirror for fanny parties
  • travel pool thermostat
  • kids' t-shirts with "Indian Squawk" and "Invisible Spade" logos
  • babygrow with "I don't cry - too embarrassing" logo
  • memory box for cakes and biscuit
  • comedy BBQ apron with big boobs and the slogan " It's a great calmer...suckle on mummy"
- something with Conga Vicar - handbag with "BLOOOOOD" in red glitter

as it happens I already have a black tortoise keyfob...Grin

ohcluttergotme · 02/02/2013 08:15

These stories are so funny, I feel I've missed out as all baby groups & toddlers I've went to have been full of normal-ish mums & dads. (eeek hope I wasn't the bonkers one?) Smile

Idocrazythings · 02/02/2013 08:41

amazing I want the baby grow too; actually maybe an adult sized singlet for myself- no, one for each family member and we can all match!

Mine would be the children's Playgroup Christmas party. All children were given a present and someone's (now ex) DH had been volunteered to dress up as Santa to give them out? sounds lovely? this DH though was quite a "shady" sort of person. He arrived in the costume, with a mate in tow. I'm sure he was on something too. He did not look like Santa as he was too skinny, the suit did not even pad him out and he just looked wrong. The kids were all a bit Hmm mine didn't want to get their presents from scary Santa but to be fair they don't really like going to see Santa anyway

LetsKateWin · 02/02/2013 08:43

I love:
Spade boy
Tortoise boy
The baby who was too embarrassed to cry and
The girl who was expressing the sadness if her previous life through her music

Grin
IAmLouisWalsh · 02/02/2013 12:14

I once went to a Christmas party for adults (residents association, so a few kids, but mainly adults) where Santa visited. Only the shop had run out of Santa outfits, so he was dressed as Donald Duck instead. With a sack of presents.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 02/02/2013 12:19

Well the talk on "homeopathic placental encapsulation" sticks in my mind, but the mums have been quite sane Grin

ubik · 02/02/2013 12:29

There was a Steiner group where you all had to give thanks to the food goddess before you could eat your home made rolls.

Chandras · 02/02/2013 12:36

We met with a couple who had a baby a couple of weeks before us. I arrived to the restaurant with my baby in a buggy, she was carrying her baby in some sort if scarf...

Then he opened her mouth and started to tell me off as it was totally and most unatural to carry a baby in a pushchair, that I will damage my bonding with him, couldn't I see that no other animal in the planet carry their offspring in an artifact???

Needless to say we never met with them again...

ThreadPirateFanjoBeard · 02/02/2013 12:58

ROAR at Donald Duck Santa

sayanything · 02/02/2013 13:40

RichMan, care to elaborate on the placental thingymabob?!?

amazingmumof6 · 02/02/2013 14:18

chandras yet there she was, carrying her baby in a scarf! what a hypocrite! (her, not you!Grin)

Santa quack, hehehe!

ChristianGreyIsAJackass · 02/02/2013 15:38

Chandras, chances are that 'scarf' was a babywrap and cost a lot of money!

She sounds like she was rather judgey towards your pram though!

NeedlesCuties · 02/02/2013 15:51

Chandras I'm a bit like that Blush Don't carry my babies in a pram till they are past 3 months old approx.... But I wouldn't dare say that comment to someone who had their baby in a pram.

I'm hoping she wasn't trying to be so rude.

My babywrap wasn't too dear (got it for £20) but some can be around £100, likely less expensive than a buggy :)

Chandras · 02/02/2013 16:07

I don't mind about the scarf (sorry I didn't remember the name of them) so no criticism whatsoever about the scarf (each to their own, I tried a baby sling and I don't know how many variations of it and DS wouldn't stop crying when he was in it), what I found ridiculous was the fact she thought I was a bad mother for using a pushchair.

Funnily enough, 6 months later I saw judgy pants crossing the street carrying her own offspring in an infamous... pushchair.

angrytree · 02/02/2013 20:17

Love, love, love this thread!

My only mildly amusing story was from a library sing and rhyme session where they kept bigging up the fact that there was going to be a visit from Kipper the dog. When he finally arrived, the threadbare well-used Kipper suit was clearly far too small for the poor member of staff they'd roped in - there were several inches of extremely hairy forearm exposed between sleeves and paws, the suit didn't do up at the back, and the chap couldn't see out of the head. As soon as he appeared, half the kids burst into tears of terror, and Kipper then proceeded to stagger blindly around the room, knocking kids flying and trying to shake hands with bookcases. DS fortunately found the whole thing quite entertaining, and I think we were the only carer and child sufficiently untraumatised to appear in the photo at the end!

amazingmumof6 · 02/02/2013 20:34

Kipper the monster, hahaha!

Pippinintherain · 02/02/2013 20:45

A mum in a playground today.
Had an 18 month old on reins.

She never once let go of them. We were in a fully enclosed, child friendly play area, where did she think he was going to go?

Anyway, he clambered up the tiny climbing frame steps and she followed, grasping the reins still, had to shuffle her way across the little bridge thing, then squeeze herself down the teeny slide, all the while holding the reins tightly.

I was sniggering away to myself. Cheered up a pretty shit day Grin

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 02/02/2013 20:53

I saw a couple with their one year old (I knew she was one as they had been celebrating her birthday i the same restaurant my friends and i had just been with our toddler - lots of very loud comments about how their darling would know how to behave in restaurants etc etc) in the playground. they insisted she go on every single piece of equipment and the poor girl was terrified of some of them!

At the same playground i saw parents with a toddler who scrubbed every single piece of equipment with antibacterial wipes before he could go in it. It took them ages to do the slide!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 03/02/2013 00:59

RichMan, care to elaborate on the placental thingymabob?!?

Well apparently, there are some people who eat their placentas. And the woo merchants have jumped on this bandwagon so you can get your placenta made into capsules which you then take as a dietary supplement. Lets ignore the flaws in that one for now.

As if that were not bad enough, there is also a homeopathic version, so you're paying vast amounts of money to have your placenta taken away, diluted so much that it's basically not your placenta anymore, and then sold back to you in 200 daily capsules.

I should add, our baby group is a bit odd, because it's run by a consortium of woo merchants alternative practitioners, basically as a way for them to get referrals for their other businesses. However, their clientele is really not very woo at all, so it doesnt really work for them in the way they probably intended, but as a "meet up and chat' group, it's really popular.

amazingmumof6 · 03/02/2013 01:40

what's a "woo merchants"?

yes, I'd heard that in some cultures people eat placentas - can't quite remember who, why and what the ritual is - but unless it comes with fava beans and a red chianti count me out! Grin

ProPerformer · 03/02/2013 01:41

LOVE this thread!!

Relieved I have not spotted anything that would indicate me as a 'Barmy mum' yet

Swipe left for the next trending thread