What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

[Berts]

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

[amazingmumof6]

good luck with new jobbattling - make sure you introduce yourself by throwing a fanny party hosted by Tiger Mum and Sparkly SAndals HV.
Catered by Extreme BF Mum.
And for the entertainment section make sure you book Panpipe Elf, DJ Turtle Boy and Conga Vicar!


ooooh, I actually want to go to that party now, sounds bloody awesome!

[MarthasHarbour]

count me in! i cant provide the colostrum but will happily coordinate the 'fanny circle of friends'

[BattlingFanjos]

MN meetup? we need a name....cant fit all that on an invite, poster? And thank you for the good luck

[mummysaidno]

I was in the juice and biscuit que behind two mums, one of them called to her ds " do you want juice " he looked up and shouted " fuck, fuck " to which she turned to her friend an said " see, he does talk " !!!!

[MarthasHarbour]

mummysaidno

[amazingmumof6]

mummysaidnowhat the fuck fuck? have they been watching Notting HIll? (or was it 4 weddings..?)

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

Don't laugh. DH and I are trying to ignore that 2 yr old DS clearly says "Fucks sake" when he drops something. Hoping he'll just forget it if we dont react.

[amazingmumof6]

my 2.8 says "what hell?" for what the hell?

he also says "mummy you not say shit!" [embarrassed]

[amazingmumof6]

or even

[JollyRedGiant]

We had the news on the other morning and DS went off to nursery talking about a "Big Cock". Big Ben was on the TV and DS cannot say L yet. I dread to think what impression they have of us now.

[RainbowsFriend]

DD also says "cock" for clock... fine. But....

... she will happily point at people 's watches and loudly exclaim "COCK"....

She also spent a while saying "fuck" instead of "duck".... we knew it was duck she meant though as she was normally pointing at one.....

A tad embarrassing down at the local park though.

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Ds2 used to say "fuck you" instead of "thank you".

"What a lovely present! Now what do you say to Granny?"

"Fuck you, Granny"

Oh the explanations.

[DameFanny]

Ds's first attempt at granny and grandpa was 'gammy buggers'. I didn't use it for years afterwards, oh no...

[Wallace]

My ds3 says Fuck for Sock

[DownyEmerald]

My dd used to say Buggers for Cupboards.

And she liked cupboards!

[Wetthemogwai]

I just spat my tea out at 'fuck you granny'!!

My dd used to say wanker for blanket and used to scream it whenever she dropped it out of her buggy

Now it's paki for alpaca and 'paki-apples' when she wants to see th YouTube clip of an alpaca eating an apple. Oooh the looks we got at playgroup....

Especially after on her first time while playing with a little boy in the sand tray he threw sand on the floor and an exasperated dd (22mo) threw her arms in the air, said 'oh for GODS sake!' and stomped round to the sandy mess with a dustpan and swept up again!

[TheOldestCat]

Fantastic thread, especially Turtle Boy and Kipper the Monster!

I fear I was the batty one at a music session. Never did groups with DD and didn't with younger DS either, but inadvertently went along as my lovely friend encouraged me.

To note, I am under no illusions that DS is merely 'spirited'. He is, but I am trying to keep it under check.

DS was just two but all the other toddlers/babies were younger and more sensible than him. So while they sat with their mums, DS performed a dance with a tambourine in the middle of the circle, then ran round while I tried to control him. The playleader was lovely and said how fun it was that he was enjoying himself and really taking part. (She was just being nice.) To curb his ways, she suggested that I lead the singing of his favourite nursery rhyme.

My mind went blank. I couldn't think of one - all the mummies stared at me while I mumbled 'oh I don't go to these things, I wish I did, but I work, maybe his childminder knows'. My lovely friend rescued me: 'I think DS likes The Wheels on the Bus, doesn't he, oldestcat?'. Me: 'YES! yes, he does, he loves it'.

We didn't go back.

[amazingmumof6]

oldestcat - poor you!

I was put on a spot like that when DS4 was 5 DAYS(!) old.
I had an ELSC and had been home, but he was jaundiced so we went to the hospital to get him checked.
they had to take blood from his feet and the poor little bunny was wailing his head off.
not only the young bloke doctor kept on asking about what DS4's routine was, what he normally does, when he normally eats (ffs at 5 days, there's no "normally"!!!!!),to which I kept on saying I don't know, he's just been born, but then he asked me to sing to baby to calm him down.
I really didn't want to, but I tried and I felt like and utter idiot, coz of course it wasn't calming him down, he had a huge needle stuck in his foot!!!! It just made me feel like a bad mum.

this same guy then lectured me on how I'm not supposed to ask him for a painkiller, and if I had a headache I can take some when I got home.
I took me all my strength to not screech at him, but instead explained politely that I need painkillers because I had a CS 5 days ago and in a rush to get baby to hospital I forgot to bring my prescription ones.

he gave me some paracetamol, but never apologized - and I actually ended up staying overnight..
daft bastard

[PretzelTime]

This thread...!
So much and

[BertieBotts]

I've just remembered the batshit crazy mum from nursery, unfortunately for me, DS totally latched on to her little boy as his bestest ever friend in the WHOLE world, they were totally obsessed with each other.

"How lovely" I thought at first, and happily accepted batshit crazy mum's invitation to take the boys to the park after nursery.

The first was when we were sitting down in this park, the children went off playing, and she asked what kind of music I liked. Oh, any, I said, so she started playing some music on her phone, just chart/pop kind of stuff. And then the uncensored version of "Forget You" by Cee-lo came on, I hadn't heard it before, but basically instead of every time he says "forget you and forget her too" in the song the "forget" is replaced with "fuck". But instead of being even slightly embarrassed she just left it playing, fucking away in the middle of a children's park

Then she kept offering me knock-off cigarettes which I didn't want, and then there was an awkward other park visit where her son started crying after an argument with another child and she kept alternately telling him to man up and stop crying and then to tell her why he was crying, or she'd slap him or throw him in the river

Anyway I decided maybe she was having a bad day and gave it one last shot where we accepted a playdate invitation. While the children were playing in the garden, her partner started rolling a joint and then just smoked it right in front of them Being terribly English I couldn't say anything at all and couldn't bring myself to leave because she had dinner cooking for the DC and I didn't want to appear rude but while they were eating she proceeded to roll another one and offer me some and then smoke it while complaining to me about everything that was wrong with her life apart from her amazing boyfriend. I was and just tried not to breathe and even moved pointedly to another chair but she carried on oblivious. After that, luckily, there was a good opportunity to leave and then I'm ashamed to say I just ignored all of her calls and texts and facebook messages and then her DS moved schools and I just never contacted them ever again DS has forgotten totally about the other boy now, thank god.

I remember she told me that her DS always latched on to another boy as a best friend though and then when he moved on from the group/nursery/etc they never stayed in touch, I was a bit :( for him because it was probably her they were staying away from.

[BertieBotts]

I use way too many emoticons

[PretzelTime]

at those telling their little ds to "man up" and those openly hitting their kids...

[MarthasHarbour]

bertie that poor little boy but yes she was crazy batshit woman!

pretzel i have a friend who tells her 2yo DS2 to 'man up' when her 3.5yo DS1 hits him i know she is also making a point to us that it is ok for her DS1 to hit our DCs

I really should stop being so bloody English and say something

[PretzelTime]

Yes, please do.